Yes I did tell her that. Lately I have always made a specific point to do that. She even salivated but I'm not sure if it was because of what I told her or because the phone rang at the same time. Conditioned responses - so hard to judge in a non-clinical trial.

On an educational note, today I learned first hand how camels procreate. I also learned that the female camel doesn't seem to enjoy it much. It was difficult to explain to the DD's. I told them that the white camel was wanting to ride the brown camel but he weighed too much and the brown camel couldn't stand up and that is why she was complaining so much.

Myrta - in all honesty I don't think Gemela has the first clue in what she needs to do to regain Pio's love back. Pio needs to tell her and lead her as much as that sucks.

Well it is nice to be all clean again and, except for the clothes in the washer and the shoes yet to be cleaned, all traces of camel dung are no only a not-too-distant memory. We took a bus tour to a local camel market, souq, the largest oasis in the world and some caves. In retropsect, the first stop being the camel market might not have been the wisest choice. The only bright side was that we were on a bus. Gemela has a favorite expression: "fiesta de cochino en casa de vecino" which, roughly translated and adapted to the situation, means "if you absolutely have to get camel dung in a vechicle, it's much better to do it someone else's". I have to agree.

I seem to remember the last long bus ride I had involved me writing a divorce plan. Too much free time is generally a bad thing for me. This bus ride was two hours each way and the trip back especially left me with time for my thoughts.

The A did a lot of damage to my self-esteem. It hurts deeply that the one you love and trust and thought loved you essentially leaves you for someone else if not physically then certainly mentally. I may not be alone in that I have spent much of the last year trying to compete on a subconscious level with pool boy. How can I do SF better than him? How can I write poetry better than him? Okay, that last one was sarcasm I admit. But Plan A tells you to try to be an attractive option for your WS. Your only point of reference is that she obviously likes things about PB so you try to at least emulate some of those behaviors - at least I do.

Oddly enough, on this bus ride there was a man sitting in the seat in front of me who was obviously single and blatantly lonely. He practically drooled over most everything he saw with breasts. He spent more than his fair share of time oogling gemela at opportune moments throughout the day. For the caves, gemela took her abaya off so she was wearing jeans and a jacket (it was VERY cold here yesterday). As she got back on the bus, he was already seated. I watched him stare at her as she walked down the aisle and, as she passed by his row, his head jerked down so he could focus on her assets. I had to laugh. This guy didn't make me the least bit jealous. Throughout the day though I watched him get close to any woman he could and try to start a conversation. I told gemela I was watching all this. She had noticed too BTW. Women always know when men are watching them. Some kind of radar. I told her because it was bothering me and I didn't want to smolder all day. I told her instead. I didn't know whether she would get angry or not. She didn't. I did tell her to avoid him and I also said that if he tried to get near her that I would not blame her or be angry with her in the least but that, without hesitation, I was going to break his nose because the way I view it now is that if any predator comes in and tries to disrupt or hurt my family, he is not only attacking me but he is attacking my DD's and, to quote that brilliant philosopher Mr. T, "I pity the fool".

I no longer want to be PB. I don't want to be anything like PB. PB is worse than the scum that accumulates on the grout between the tiles no matter how much chlorine you put in the pool. If gemela does not like SF with me, she knows where she can go to get what it is she seems to like. If gemela is not happy with the lifestyle I provide, she knows where the suitcases are and I'll help her pack.

Now before BigK gets his knickers in a twist, yesterday was a great day. I was really happy. I wasn't happy with gemela necessarily - I was happy with me. So I decided that I need to start enjoying what remains of my life. Gemela is free to participate in that or hit the door. Her choice. I don't get the impression she is planning on going anywhere any time soon. Someone posted that she needs to get her rear in gear. I agree. I want to see ****** and elbows which, so as not to offend certain posters, will heretofore be euphamistically abbreviated as A&E.

I still have not broached Myrta's suggestion. I haven't really had a good opportunity. I plan to try today but I still don't think gemela will come back to MB. OTOH, it will be her choice one way or the other.

Pio - you can't compete with a fantasy. PB is nowhere near the man you are. I don't know why you would ever even try and compete. OM are scum. DUH.

BIGKAHUNA---I think Gemela knows exactly what to do with her marriage,with Pio. She just does "not feel" like doing it. Its a lot of work and energy and dedication. She has complacency with her life right now. She is living well with Pio and the girls, what more can she ask for??

Myrta,

I don't get that impression. I feel like gemela would do a lot of things to try to improve the situation if she felt the situation were all that bad. But I do agree that she is complacent. Everything "seems" to be running along smoothly so why upset the apple cart. I don't think gemela is being self-serving in this. I think clueless is a better description. But that's just my take on it.

nams,

We went to the potter's caves in Al Hasa yesterday. We all got to see a demonstration of pottery being made by hand. Their work is only decorative as they have no kilns. It made me think of you. They spin the wheel with their feet.

Catching people,even children, being/doing good or the desired things and rewarding them for that is an excellent technique. Rewarding desired behaviors is so much better than the alternative.

From Penalty Kill

All this talk of camels and abayas. I just saw Lawrence of Arabia the other night. I'd like to see a vast desert, preferably from atop a camel.

Cinderella understands what I'm saying about positive reinforcement. Hey, Pio, if you want to keep it all scientific, you could always ring a bell when you catch Gemela doing something right!

The only thing I have ever seen to match camels procreating is horses procreating. And camels have it over horses when it comes to the exotic factor. But horses don't spit, and I understand that camels do, with amazing accuracy. I also hear that they can be rather mean tempered....of course when I hear that I always assume that they are probably being mistreated by some nitwit.

Your mood seems to have elevated a bit. I prescribe more family outings with less creepy oglers. Make good memories.

Oh, and Pio? Gemela's A had absolutely nothing to do with you, the lifestyle you provide (which I gather is quite good), or the SF you share. I guarantee you that.

It was all about her feeling not so good about herself and doing the stupidest thing possible to feel better. I'm really getting the sense that she wants *you*, but her ostrich-like tendencies make her stick her head in the sand when it comes to the past, and only pop it out when she thinks it's "safe". MB and relationship books? Those are not safe - stick head in sand.

On our camel outing we learned how they taken care of orphaned camels. A female camel will normally reject a baby that is not her own and, without milk, it would die. So if a baby camel loses its mother, the trick is to blindfold a female camel and take a 2 liter plastic Coke bottle wrapped in cloth and they shove it up inside her. This confuses the femal camel into thinking she might be pregnant. Then, after a few days, they blindfold her again and bring the baby camel up beside her and pull out the Coke bottle. They remove the blindfold and watch as the female camel embraces her "newborn" baby. This apparently has a very high success rate.

This made me really sad. I couldn't help but think of all those baby camels that had died over the centuries before the invention of the plastic Coke bottle.

From Penalty Kill

Hmm...I'm getting a James Herriot goes to Saudi Arabia vibe here.

He actually had a story about that kind of situation, although it involved sheep, not camels. Not many camels in Yorkshire.

I did want to say thanks for that last post. It made me cry a bit - a lot actually. And, as Forrest Gump said, that's all I have to say about that.

Pool boy is from Yorkshire. That gives me another idea for a 2L bottle.

From Penalty Kill


Ah, very sorry for the trigger.


Heh heh. Only this one would never get removed, eh? A permanent implant.

From Penalty Kill


You're welcome.


That's one of my daughter's favorite movies. I'm very fond of saying "and that's all I have to say about that". Minus the drawl. I try for the drawl but it comes out wrong. My daughter goes to college in the south and is surrounded by by southern accents and <gasp> country music.

Hey Todd. If you're lurking, yet another oxymoron - "country music"

Fascinating stuff that pottery. Kick wheels are difficult, maintaining speed is a chore. How sweet you thought of me Pio.

We took a camel ride in Tunisia once. We went to a tourist store in what seemed to be the outskirts of an olive grove. A man was transporting his wife around in a cart pulled by a donkey & the ride was apparently rough because the wife shouted at the man as he nearly tipped her over.

They had an oven in which they cooked bread by making flat dough stick to the sides. I think it was made of clay, perhaps clay bricks, without a bottom & a fire is made within the oven which makes the clay sides heat up & retain heat for cooking the dough.

Pio, I felt responsible for ex seeking out another woman for too long. You know what? It was his choice based on the fact he was unhappy. I couldn't be responsible for his happiness. It was his job, as half of a married couple, to tell me he was unhappy then WE WORK together to solve the problems.

The same is true for G. She needs to figure out why she sought out someone else & share that with you. It was not, however, your responsibility to make sure she doesn't make the choice to seek out someone else. That is completely hers to own.

Well nams you are going to get me started aren't you?

First, the woman in the cart was obviously the man's girlfriend. In Tunisia, if they had been married, the woman would have been walking and the man would have been in the cart.

This is pure speculation but I can't help but correlate the fact that gemela never had an A in 7 years of marriage although she had ample opportunities. But 2 or 3 short months after we moved from Dubai to Saudi, she fell madly in love with and jumped in bed with pool boy after only knowing him for two weeks. This soulmate of hers for which she was going to abandon her children? She didn't even know his nationality. Now, as it turns out, he was two-timing her all along. She also hit a magical birthdate at which many women start to realize that age is a reality. IMO she had a mid-life crisis, she missed the glitter and excitement of Dubai and did not like the "normalcy" of Saudi. I think all of this happened because up to this point gemela's life, marriage and family had always been about her. I think her children were an adornment - a bit like jewelry or Italian shoes. They became another source of admiration for her and that, more than anything else, was their value to her. "Oh what wonderful children!" [they are extremely well behaved] or "Oh what beautiful little girls!" [the pictures are the proof].

Moving to Saudi was, over all, a good thing. It forced us all to focus on the family. It gave me time to be with the family. It got us out of a pretentious environment where everything and everyone is a façade. While this was all good, it happened so quickly it was like a cold slap in the face. In a sense, I think gemela felt like her life was over. The way she was living it certainly was. I have also noticed that, no matter how much gemela would tell me she hated Saudi, when she talks to complete strangers about it, she says how wonderful and exciting it is (and she is being sincere because I can hear it in her voice and I know her backward and forward).

Being here is forcing gemela to understand that the world no longer revolves around her. We, as parents, have to put our children first and look to the needs of the family ahead of our own. I think the A was an act of rebellion - the ultimate denial.

Whatever the cause, it has hurt me more than I knew was possible. Each day I live and even as I try to pick up the pieces and hope that the M can be recovered, a part of me wishes to see gemela at the bottom of the stairs with her two suitcases. Each day she remains here, a part of me feels cheated. In a sense, I feel recovery is still all about her. She wanted to have the A so she just did it. Didn't ask my opinion. Now we need to recover because she has decided that is what she wants? It just seems selfish and egocentric (is that redundant and superfluous?).

For me to remain in this M, I have to alter my concept of M. I have to view M as being a union of convenience. As long as you are both happy, you stay together. If you aren't happy, you find someone else or go it alone. Because viewing it any other way just pisses me off. Maybe if gemela had any real remorse, it would be different. But if she chooses to view M that way, then I will too. No I don't intend to have an A. I will just go it alone. I was happier when she was in Mexico. In fact I was very happy then. All I want is full custody.

I know pool boy was nothing. The A was about the A - not about a person. It could have been anyone but gemela doesn't understand that. The A was about gemela feeling sorry for herself. Pool boy was an opportunist.

BTW, I know I don't really believe that marriage is disposable. This is an anger management strategy that I have adopted and it seems to work. It is my coping behavior. I don't vent this or share this with gemela. I think it helps me in that I was very reluctant to want to recommit after she came back from Mexico and I saw that as a serious impediment to R. Now I seem to be more inclined to meet gemela half way and am opening up more because I tell myself I always have an exit strategy. I am not at a position where I can force myself to recommit unconditionally. I still have a lot of anger but it seems to be more in check now. Some day this attitude will have to change but, for the moment, it keeps me sane (or the most reasonable facsimile I am capable of).

Hmm. 2l sounds too small. I am sure you can get glass magnums in larger sizes than that.