Cind... I agree with you.... life already provides enough 'pressures' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />.... I certainly don't come here to get more.... often my posts 'harvest' very little comments...and I don't mind... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />.... because I am not expecting any all time and appreciate it when someone takes the time to acknowledge or add their insights to my posts....

...I think of the MB board more at a 'sharing' level.... but I certainly try to reply to posts directed at me....and if someone REALLY wants my attention or feedback ....heck....I have an email just for that reason...where one can be SURE to get to me!

....uhmmmm...that reminds me.... better go and check it....I haven't for awhile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thanks...I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes, it's good to be affirmed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lots of these threads are like group conversations. When I'm talking in a group, I don't need for every comment I make to be addressed by the person to whom I made it - especially when others are commenting, also.

...nope....alas...I have 'no mail'!

Cind...

How is your health these days?

Last 2 weeks, a big virus has run through all three of us in the family. Respiratory yucks and ear yucks. Presently, I am well.....thanks for reminding me I need to take my antibiotics. I've been forgetting.

My hamstrings are better. My right IT band is better. Wearing the knee braces when I train has been very helpful.

My neck is better - when I remember my traction. If I forget, it reminds me.

Yesterday, my training walk was supposed to be 11 miles. I only walked 6. I felt it was better to have a good short walk than to have to be retrieved by the person sweeping the course.

I am still training for that half marathon. I truly believe I can complete the course. I still need sponsors.

The fundraising is the biggest stresser in my life now. I even turned down helping someone at church for a class for 2 days because I couldn't deal with more stress at this time.

I am 'tired' just hearing about your training, Cind... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

Is it 'recommended'.....or it's because it's important for you to do it? Sounds a little too much given your ailments....but then...what do I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I don't push hard. I concentrate more on form than speed. I chat a lot. Don't mind walking with the slower people - the plodders. I try to do stretches and other stuff during the week. I really like hooping which can be quite aerobic.

Luna, the first time I read your post, I thought it said you were tired OF hearing about my training. I was afraid I was boring people. Really, I do need more sponsors. Gotta get money ready to send in - that will help - when I see updated totals.

Hi Cind...I reread my post...and you're right.. it COULD be taken that way...gosh.....so sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />....I actually find you amazing!


How close are you to reaching your 'set' goal?

Just saw the film THE DEPARTED.... pretty intriguing if you don't mind the gorry killing scenes.....and some good acting.... Scorsese seems to have a thing for staging bloody graphic scenes....reminded me of THE GANGS OF NEW YORK....or was it because Leonardo was in that, too? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I am at about 825$. Mandatory goal is 1700$ It is easier to say 2000$ because it's a more normal number. Shoot high.

Good luck in reaching your objective, Cind... looks like it means a lot to you... and do keep us update!

Should you wish to sponsor me, check out the links in my signature. EVERYONE is invited. Any amount is welcome.

Just a quick update on where things are. We are still together and things are reasonably quiet. We have had a couple of huge fights – one over a misplaced teddy bear that nearly ended in divorce. Now I am the one pushing for divorce rather than WW. We have had a couple of fights since the bear incident but I have to be very careful not to bring up the D word. SF is like eating food when you have a bad cold. You don’t really want it but you know you probably should have some. Nothing sounds really interesting and when you do have some, it just doesn’t seem to have any real flavor.

WW is back to her normal life and seems to be having a great time. Everything for her is fantastic and for me it is not. We still have to avoid talking about the A. When OM’s XGF was writing me, there were times it really bothered me. I don’t know if she had an agenda or not but extended exchanges with her usually ended up in a conflict with WW.

I have said before that I needed to see some remorse simply as evidence that WW might try to avoid a repeat performance. The fact that she has never expressed any tells me either she is still in the affair (at least contact), wishes she were still in the affair but trying to make the best out of the situation, or is completely over the affair and has put it past her and can't figure out why I can't too. Any of those options shows complete disrespect for me and my feelings.

Her behavior has been great. I can't complain about her actions. She has nearly 100% transparency. The things she does not tell me about I think she does with good intentions. A few days ago I finally told her that I still had major issues with the fact that she has never shown any regret about the A. She says she does not say she is sorry because, in the past, I have said I didn't believe her. I reminded her that when she has said that in the past, she was still in contact so she had little credibility. I told her that my problem now is I simply don't trust her. I can count on one hand the times she has said ILY in the past six months. I think maybe I should have explained myself better. She thinks I don't trust her in the sense that she is sneaking around behind my back. The reality is I don't care if she is or not. If she is, she packs her bags and leaves. There won't be any hesitation. What I don't trust her with is my feelings. I don't want to open them up to her any more because she has shown no indication that she knows she needs to protect them.

One frustration I had with MB was with people saying how the WW should cave and express complete remorse and tell me every day how lucky she was that I let her stay in the M. Too much sugar in the Kool Aid I guess. Maybe that does happen in some cases but I doubt it is the norm.

The simple fact is that I do still love my WW. I don't think she is in the A any longer. I have also detached myself so completely from her that she could walk out the door tomorrow and I can't say that I would really miss her. I already have envisioned my life without her and it looks good. I still have the DD's to consider so that is what keeps us together. There are also days where things are quite nice and we have no real problems at all.

My views on marriage have completely changed. Now I view it as disposable. If it isn't working out, throw it away. I have told WW that and also told her that she taught me the lesson. But now I'm in a Catch-22. If I am not the loving doting husband, WW decides to look elsewhere. But because I know she will look elsewhere without giving it a second thought, I don't want to be a loving doting husband. I don't want to be the cause of her next affair but at the same time I wish she would just do it so we can stop this game. I know it sounds like I view her negatively and I know that's what I am doing. I feel she is guilty until proven innocent. She does all the right actions but she never says any words. I told her this. Her response was to get angry. I told her that whether I was right or wrong, those were my feelings and I had a right to them. I was not judging her or trying to make her angry - I was just trying to be honest. She got angry anyway.

Maybe this is just a bump in the long road to recovery. I think that BS's are afraid to strike out too much early on because they are afraid it might be the proverbial straw. After the A is over, the BS feels more free to express anger. Maybe this is just a delayed reaction. I definitely I'm the one with nothing to lose. WW is definitely afraid of upsetting me. I think that is why she never wants to talk about the A. She seems to want to let sleeping dogs lie. Problem is he isn't asleep. I'm not being totally honest with her about my feelings. I've told her that. I've explained that there is no benefit to me being honest about my feelings because she won't reciprocate and all I do is end up angry.

WW will be taking DDs to Mexico for three months this summer. I may go to visit them for a couple of weeks but they will return after me. Surprisingly this doesn't seem to worry me at all. According to OM’s xGF, he is living in Mexico waiting for WW. I don’t believe that is true. Of course, her information is second hand so OM could just be trying to cause problems too. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Another complicating factor is that my house maid who speaks little English is hooked on Dr. Phil. The result is that I end up seeing a fair amount of the program too. I watched a program a couple of days ago where a spouse wanted out of the marriage and Dr. Phil told the BS to shove em out the door and never look back. If the WS wants to leave, get rid of them. I can’t watch Cheaters any more on Reality TV and Maury Povich is on channel block. WW definitely doesn’t like to see anything to do with infidelity. We did buy the latest Bond film on DVD. I have to admit that I got a bit angry at that. I was glad the girl ended up dead in the hammock being eaten by crabs. There is justice. Wish they had been bigger crabs though.

Great to hear from you again Pio.

WW is very proud of her Garden of the Month sign sitting in our front yard. She won a golf tournament a couple of weeks ago and is playing with the girls several times a week now. I worked with her on her swing and she has gained a lot of distance. She is now the long driver at the club and the one all the other women want on their team. She just had a lunch for her latina birthday club group yesterday and all the women did nothing but praise her for her gardening, cooking, decorating and scrapbooking. So she has the admiration of everyone and seems to really enjoy it.

When the women ask her who did this or that and she tells them I did it, they always reply that their H would never do such a thing. I have recently built her a fountain/pond which everyone loves. Sometimes I think I do too much. Don't know. I am beginning to get some fiscal responsibility out of her. That's a plus.

Scrapbooking seems to be a problem at the moment. I can go for days without really seeing her and I refuse to hang about while she scrapbooks. I have been trying to take the girls to the pool because it is getting hot. WW does not want to go to the pool. Actually now that I remember it, this is what started the big D blowup. I felt it was pretty selfish to deny the girls the pool simply because it made WW sentimental about PB (OM). She said that she was not. I'm not sure I understand her difficulty with the pool. I also told her I didn't really care. That was her problem and she had to deal with it one way or another. I think I may have also said that if she missed PB so much, she should pack her bags and go live with him. Was that an LB? Actually this fight lasted about three days.

I keep reminding myself that love is not a feeling. I promised my WW to love and honor her when I married her and this is what I am still trying to do. I'm just incredibly unhappy in the process. Then I remind myself that I am responsible for making myself happy so I look for ways to spin my situation to see it in a better light. Sometimes that even works. I am still not getting many EN's met which is largely my own fault. I have deviated from the three-legged dog theory and I think that has been a mistake.

I still have not seen WW try to take any initiative toward recovery but I attribute that to lack of knowledge rather than lack of desire. I don't know what she is feeling because she never says.

Pio--I was just wondering to myself the other day how you were doing, and here you are. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> And what was with that Japanese-sounding name, anyway? I never did figure that one out. Take care...

t&l

I am here diligently working to wrestle defeat from the jaws of victory.

hahahaha Indeed.

T&L - a wikipedia search reveals all.

I headed for Wikipedia before I realized I don't remember what the name was any more. I think all those predictions made about me when I was a juvenile are finally coming true, and I'm getting Wisenheimer's disease. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I'll look it up if someone will refresh my memory. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. Pio, along the lines of your wrestling match, I'll have to post for you a paragraph from a book written by an old friend. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. Depends on when I can lay my hands on the book. Maybe it will inspire you to leave off the wrestling and take up boxing instead.