So your brother-in-law passed away? I'm sorry for both you and your H.

Yes I remember your sitch.

....and stupid

What the heck, I'll go for both.

BB - you're clearly paper BTW.

Just wanted to clarify. There has been a lot of confusion this morning.

KiwiJ,

I predict a Justuss edit in your very near future.

Resilient,

I edited the post to try to clarify my definitions a bit more. To be honest, I don't know your sitch but I have always gotten the impression that you were a rock. At least that's what comes out in your posts.

What is it about me that brings these posters out of the woodwork. People that stop posting forever and then come straight to me. Remember that multiple personality from Mexico that posted under like 4 different screen names - each with it's own story - and decided to take out all her anger on me? She eventually changed her screen name to my WW's name before I convinced the mods to change it to something else?

TGIW. The weekend is an hour away. I have spent the last 3 hours and 17 minutes trying to determine whether four calls on the department's monthly statement are business or personal calls. I finally tracked down the offending employee and got to the bottom of the calls. They were, in fact, business related so I approved them - at a grand total cost to the company of 36 halala which is the equivalent of USD $0.09. The sad part is this doesn't even bother me any more.

There are two type of people: those who categorize and those who don't.

I'm one of those who doesn't.

I was happy to read you got some sleep, Pio.

I'm not a WW but believe my ex was and BB's statement that (I don't know her circumstances or story) OP made her feel things or discover parts of herself she couldn't with her H, is something I suspected my ex felt. Don't throw away the baby with the bath water. Her statement rings true and has value.

ex related to me in one way and I don't think he could imagine himself able to open up to me. Granted, he was emotionally unavailable, emotionally constipated and repressed, but the fact is he couldn't imagine himself the person he wanted to be if he stayed married to me. He never expressed this but it was gleaned from marriage counseling and bits and pieces of conversations.

Hi BigK! Have you gotten over the trauma of the high rate of tipping in the U.S.? I prefer the method many other countries use of minimal tipping.

Hey Kiwi! Hope all is well. Be happy you don't have to shovel heavy, wet snow with a layer of ice waiting at the bottom.

I agree not all waywards are alike. But I think the fact that a WS cannot "be all they can be" with the BS but can with the OP has far more to do with faults in the WS than problems with the BS.

I watched Titanic the other night. It is a classic case of a romantic affair complete with unrequited love, pinning forever, etc.

If I were married to BB, I would certainly go the divorce route. I would not want that kind of a WS in my life. I see she was posting the Divorced/Divorcing forum so I guess her H made the same decision.

I'll turn it the other way. I worry that I'll ever have the happiness I truly want after all that has happened. Certainly at this point, WW is diminishing my happiness.

BB is still lost in the fog. Her OM was her BIL. NC was apparently never even a consideration. Her situation was "unique" - just like everyone else's.

BB is most definitely Paper.

I absolutely agree with you, Pio that the ability of WS to be "more" with the OP than with their spouse is wrapped up in the WS's faults and character traits. It speaks more to the WS's inabilities than the BS's contribution to marital discord.

Yes, each WS seems to feel their situation is unique therefore no one, other than their affair partner, can truly understand them. I simply don't want to know more of BB's story, an affair with the BIL is about as far as I want to go.

The rock, paper, scissors scenario required too much mental effort to understand or maybe it's just too early in the morning for me. Plus I'm on vacation and my brain has gone into slow mode. I will say I'm thrilled to not be married to ex and be in a situation where his poor choices cause me anguish. There are still those haunting moments when triggers arise but they don't have the power they once did.

I'll make it easy on you - you're a Rock.

Clearly you like puzzles.

I don't think you're off the mark just that there is a bit of crossover and that definitions, feelings, and how we act on them are not always neat and easy.

I don't believe you when you say you thought of this as you were going to sleep. This line of thought is not sleep inducing.

Yeah, I figured you'd place me in the rock category and part of me is, but there's more that doesn't fit in as neatly.

Well I admit I did stretch a bit to get paper but after I thought on it, it made even more sense. Yes it was what went through my mind when the head hit the pillow. I decided to leave paper till the morning.

Clearly there are general groups of people here on the board that perceive other groups as a threat to their way of thinking. I could go into specifics but would rather avoid it. I was observing a different thread the other day and I could clearly see this interaction. Of course, I knew who the players were (mostly) so I knew their backgrounds.

Simple example: it is very easy for someone who never really worked to save their M to tell a new BS that they are better off without WS. But I believe that on some level that person gives that advice hoping to reinforce his own decision. Sort of like since that M didn't work, it's more proof I made the right decision to cut WS off when I did. For the BS to go against that advice and eventually recover the M, the poster, on some level, has to be second-guessing him/herself. That is a bit of a caricature but if you watch certain posters over time, you can see the behavior.

It's always easier, or so we think, to see another's problem and the solutions. I understand your example and there is truth to it. I agree there are many posters who can be categorized as being in one camp or another regarding their approach to trying to repair a marriage after infidelity, some more strident than others, certain their approach is the only correct one.

As far as reinforcing our decisions by offering advice that mirrors our choices, I'm sure there is some of that too. In general, I'm not a list or formula type. I'd like to think I take a situation and act according to its particular attributes.

Now that I'm divorced am I trying to make myself feel better about that and all it entails regarding me and my boys by saying I've benefited because of it? I don't think so, but I would have said yes to that question before I was divorced. Keep in mind that I never wanted to be divorced and fought like h..l to keep the marriage going.

That aside, we do see certain camps of thought not too dissimilar to political party beliefs.

I sometimes get to watch USA network news on MBC4 at odd hours of the morning. Since WW is away and couple that with my unusual sleep patterns and, well, opportunity arises.

Polotical campaign volunteers bother me. I'm not sure why. I saw this woman on the street trying to hand out flyers for one of the candidates. She was apologizing when people would just brush past her. But it isn't just that. These volunteers have always bothered me.

And then you look at the candidate's concession speech and you see all these volunteers actually crying. I just want to slap them. There may be some causes I would be that passionate about. Another individual's personal ambition could never qualify.

There is something internally wrong with these people to need this kind of gratification. I just don't understand what it is.

Now I mention this because I think the same or similar thing might apply to Scissors especially but to others to an extent.

Piojito and all.

I replied to you because you were asking a question which could only reasonably be replied by a woman who has been unfaithful (duhh).
Whatever. <Shrug>

Incidentally, let me add here, that with a very few exceptions (and I am sure they know who they are), with the level of animosity, obstinate blindness, self-deceit, stupidity, delirious intolerance and bigotry I found on this place (and throw in a good deal of false arguments to make snooping around legitimate...), I am NOT surprised that you are trying to salvage your marriage. How could anyone sane and in control want to be married to you people ?? Heck, I'd run away with the first troll that came by !!

Do yourselves and your spouse(s) a favour and become single again.

phew...

Well Bubblebath you have made me emerge from my lurking status but only long enough to pull the plug of the bath.

Time for you to end up in the sewer where you belong.

I do hope you manage to find some peace from your self inflicted torment one of these days.


My love to Piojitos and all.

Beth

2regret and nams and 2much, so nice to see you back here.

BB, FWIW, if Pio wants to ask questions of a woman who has been unfaithful he only needs to ask me and he often does because he knows he'll receive answers that are based on regret and remorse and will attempt to shed light - not answers that are like twisting the knife in a BS's heart.

You slap one check and I'll slap the other. I've never understood the passion these over-zealous types show for other peoples' ambitions. Well articulated, BTW. How do you feel about those who have never come across a protest they won't attend? How about those parents who volunteer for every committee or school related activity yet spend virtually no time with their own children?

BB...Huh? This is not intended in a mean way but if you don't like the advice given or the posters here why do you read and post?

Hi Beth! It's great to see you, Kiwi, and 2much. All we need are Luna and Larousse. And Todd, of course.