This morning, my W once again denied that she's having an affair (she brought up the subject, not me). But, interestingly, I've noticed that she never actually says, "No, I'm not having an affair." What she actually says is more on the order of, "If you think I'm having an affair, then you don't know what kind of person I am." Pretty weasly, if you ask me! Very self-righteous about it too, which I take as an indicator that I'm dead on target.<P>Then she referred to my description of how I saw her in OM's convertible with him and then saw her get out and into her car (parked by the P.O.). Here's what I got from her by way of explaination: "I often park my car next the Post Office and walk from there into the center of town to go to the bank and shop. It's easier, because traffic's usually a mess in the center." Again very self-righteous and no attempt to explain how I could have seen her in OM's car.<P>I didn't say anything, but I'm like DUH! I wasn't questioning why you parked your car next to the P.O. I was questioning what you did AFTER that! But what really worries me is that I've realized that most third parties (including some on this forum, I suspect, as well as our couples counselor!) would probably believe her rather than me. That bothers me a LOT, because I know, with about 99.999% certainty that she IS having an affair. (And someone's going to say, yes, but what about that 0.001% nagging doubt? OK, then I AM 100% certain, how's that!)<P>--Wex

Wexwill -- I am so sorry for your pain wex.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>But what really worries me is that I've realized that most third parties (including some on this forum, I suspect, as well as our couples counselor!) would probably believe her rather than me. That bothers me a LOT, because I know, with about 99.999% certainty that she IS having an affair. (And someone's going to say, yes, but what about that 0.001% nagging doubt? OK, then I AM 100% certain, how's that!)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I believe you. it may not be worth much, but I do believe you.<P>God Bless<BR>

Make that two of us! Trust your intuition - I have a feeling it's dead on. She may never fess up. She may come around, try to rebuild and NEVER fess up. Some can't, I think.<P>But I don't doubt you one bit and don't doubt yourself. You don't seem to be the kind of guy that just jumps to conclusions. Particularly when this conclusion is the LAST one any of us want to jump to.<P>Lori

I believe you too, Wex... just keep shoveling those nickels into the PI fund, for concrete proof. Then you can confront, and tell her you STILL love her and want to work on things. That ought to knock her for a loop; one of the reasons she's probably still denying is that thought that you'll never forgive her.

Wex<BR>My H once offered to tie our wrists together so that I knew he was finished with the OW. <BR>I think your wife would be more convincing if she was willing to offer proof. <BR>You seem to be pretty much on target. Has she ever offered to make her life an open book? That would be the day she could expect you to believe her.<BR>Sorry I'm a bit cynical again today. I'm pretty sure that if my H suspected me of something I wasn't doing I would be jumping at the chance to prove my innocence.

Hi Wex,<P>I too, believe you. If she had nothing to hide, she would do ANYTHING and everything to ease your mind. She would encourage you to snoop and check up on her to help YOU. She would not keep denying and making out like it is all you. Hang in there!<p>[This message has been edited by Raskal (edited October 03, 1999).]

Wex - count me in as another believer. My H also denied for a few months. Even when he disclosed he said "I didn't even know I was having an affair".

Wex,<P>Thanks for your responses to my suggestions. Wish I could have been more helpful, tho.<P>I have a couple of questions about your situation. What is your wife's weekly schedule? How often can she get away for any length of time to be with someone else? My H knows where I am at all times!<BR>I have often wondered how women pull off having affairs. You don't have kids do you?<BR>Keep in mind, she can't be with someone else, if her time is filled being with you.<P>Good luck!<P>Beth<BR>

I believe you, Wex. And I think your wife is being especially cruel by making you out to be the one with the problem at counseling.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Wex you know what you saw and I believe you.<P>That being said your wife does not feel safe in telling you. Is there something you said in the past that she is afraid of? Does she think that she may never have to tell? The only way she will tell is if you continue to deposit those love units until she feels safe to talk about it.<P>As SHA said focus on bieng her friend first not her lover or being a PI. All in good time.