So now the WW calls me and tells me her mothers house is a pig sty and she cannot possibly live there (she is telling the truth, it could use a massive cleaning).

She says "I cannot possibly live here, this is BS, I am paying half the mortgage, why should I be the one that has to move out?". I just about fell over laughing inside. These WS do not ever think about what they are actually saying.

I told her, you are the one that choose to leave (although I was hating her more and more each day and it might be the right thing to do, and get some papers lined up). She did not respond and said I will call you later, I said whatever.

I think she is finally starting to smell the coffee in the outside world and it has been less than 8 hours since she left. The house we just had built for us less than 1.5 years ago is not all that bad as she said it was before she left this morning. Heck it has been spick and span since we moved in thanks to ME :-)

Maybe my sense of humor is messed up, but I found this to be hilarious today.

More fog talk:

WS: "I am doing what's best for the children" in response to me saying that exact same thing.

Does she want me to tell the kids when their old enough to understand that their mother thought CHEATING on their dad was in their best interest?

My WW is gone too. I am sticking on Plan A and then going dark (Plan B) in 3 months. It is just so hard because I keep getting insider information that she knows this is all screwed up.

Do you think the fog talk is thickest when WS speaks to BS?

Just make sure you have a plan AND an attorney before Plan B. Get all the legal stuff out of the way, etc.

Brian

Need some input please..

I have been working with Dr. Harley through this whole thing and can only afford to meet with him once a month, but things have changed and I need advice on what I should do as I cannot afford to meet with the Doc for awhile.

Current Situation.

I had been plan A'ing since the wife moved back in for two weeks and then decided to move in with her mother. She has been there for a week or so. I have been trying to be as nice as possible. My plan was to plan A for two months from when she left to move in with her Mom and then go dark.

Well today I call her and she tells me she wants a divorce and is thinking about meeting with an attorney next week. She told me she has not stopped contacting the enemy and is sick of being in limbo. She also said she and other man are not doing well because he is upset she has not "taken care of" her marriage situation. She tells me she still loves me and is afraid she will be making a huge mistake, but she is sick of being in limbo and after reading the MB books about EN, she feels her #1 priority (physical attractiveness) cannot be met by me. (For the record I am a very inshape guy, 5'11 and good looking,good career). She is into bodybuilding and tells me she likes really big guys. I am big, but not huge.

She also says she cannot see us having kids together (I think she thinks it will ruin her perfect body (which is very nice, but not the reason I married her)).

So I have an attorney, will use him if I have to, but right now I still do not want a divorce.

Should I plan A her until served papers and then go dark?
Or do something else, I am open to suggestions.

Thanks!

Any input from the experts out there?

im not an expert but the experts whove ive asked that question to has told me to not agree to it.
you cant control it but you can tell her what people told me to say and that was i only speak marriage ,if she brings up divorce thats what they told me to do.
its been 4 weeks since my wife had called to say that and i havent been served yet

Also, tommorow is are wedding anniversary. Should I send her any flowers with a card, call, or email her? If yes, any points I should mention or not mention (ILY's etc.)?

Thanks!

Experts?

I realize that being attacted to your spouse if very important in a marriage......but, this is going a bit far. So, just because you arent built like Arnold, she wants out???? I dont know losing_hope, but this doesnt sound like a person that have very good judgement in people. She is basing everything on physic!? That is just crazy.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Wrong...Her number 1 EN is not Physical Attractiveness.

This is what she says it is but it's not. She may be beautiful but low self esteem. The OM is an accessory, like a great watch, necklace, rings, etc. She's looking for girfriends to be envious,jealous, etc. She is hugely vain and selfish beyone belief. Hate to say it but losing her may not be the worst that could happen unless she is willing to change

Latest update. She had divorce papers drawn up and dropped off at my house this past Monday. Thursday she calls me telling me how much I mean to her and she wants to try. She says she realized how much I ment to her when the papers were being notorized. I ask her if she is with the enemy still, and she says yes.

I say call me in a week and tell me if you really feel this way with a plan on how we will make it work.

Today I woke up and decided it was over, went downstairs and started to sign all the paper work, and was in tears. I still love my wife and just could not sign everything.

I then go on a rampage and start finding out where the enemies parents live for the 100th time via google. ONly part of exposure I did not do because I could never find them and could not afford a PI. And finally I track their number down. I call them and get both his parents on the line and tell them I love my wife and want my marriage to work. I asked them if they new their son was having an affair with a married woman and they said yes. They really like her and says the enemy does also. Then they have the odasyty to say "It would be wonderful if you two could work things out". I know it is NOT any fault of theirs that their son is having a relationship with a married woman, but it did strike me the wrong way.

Anyways, It has been 6 months since I found out about this whole affair BS, she has been out of the house for 4 months, and I had been really good in the last month about not letting it consume me, but today was a major relapse.

When does the pain ever go away?

When do you know it's time to sign the papers and call it over?

Wife emailed me today saying: Why have you not signed the papers?

I emailed her back saying "I am not going to expedite something I do not want."

She just emailed me back saying "Please dont elongate the inevitable".

How should I respond. Should I even?

Before the papers were dropped off I was in plan B, and then I had to talk to her because we can not afford an attorney and she dropped off papers for me to sign. Her end was already notorized.

Thanks!

Well, tell her that you're not going to sign them. You're not agreeing to a divorce, and so if she wants one, she'll have to take it through the attorney's and do it the legal way.

Is she still living with her mom? Still seeing OM? What was her follow up response to your wanting to wait a week and see where she stood then?

Additionally, like it or not you'll need to engage a lawyer of your own immediately to start protecting yourself.

What were the effects of exposure to the rest of the world? Does everyone know the current state of affairs (pun intended) and are they working with you to put pressure on her to end it?

Owl,
Is she still living with her mom? Yes.
Still seeing OM? Yes, to the best of my knowledge.
What was her follow up response to your wanting to wait a week and see where she stood then? She just wanted to know when I would have them signed. A week to the day was today. She sent me an email asking me today if I signed them. What I told her is in the post above.

What were the effects of exposure to the rest of the world? The only ones that did not know everything were the OM parents. I finally found them and told them last weekend. After getting off the phone with them (they were both on there), I received a call from WW within minutes asking why I had did that? I told her because they needed to know and I will not apologize for doing what I think is right.

Does everyone know the current state of affairs (pun intended) and are they working with you to put pressure on her to end it? Yes, everyone knows, and to my knowledge no one in her family is saying much. They just like to all be friends. Yet her MOM teaches Sunday school each week and her brother of all things is a Pastor! The Pastor just wants to talk to me about how I have a right to a divorce. I know they 100% percent disagree on what she is doing, but I do not have knowledge of them saying much or doing much about it. It could be happening behind my back, but I doubt it.

Are they working with me: No. They want to stay out of things as much as possible. They have all told me I am a better person than what she has ever deserved. But that could just be talk.

I will take your advice and send that email. It really is what I want to say, but everyone I know except people here on MB tells me I should run as fast as I can and never look back. Even some here have told me that, but I have chosen a different path. I look at it like financial advice with my friends and family, never ask a broke man for financial advice. I simply just tell them they do not understand.

But what should I do after sending the email, go dark again?

Any thoughts on what I should do after I sent the email, go dark again?

She texted me and called me last night like 10 times. "When are you going to sign those papers", "I am done", "Give yourself some respect and sign the papers". I did not answer.

While this is all happening I was finishing up the "Love Must Be Tough" book.

I am really looking for a plan of advice here from you MB experts. I was in B until she dropped off the papers, and B did not do much for my situation as the papers showed up during it. Should I sign them and make her file the damn things, or hire an attorney which I really cannot afford to make it ugly, or do nothing, or something else?

I feel I need to do something as doing nothing is just pissing her off. But that may be a good thing, maybe it is pissing off the other man also?

Please help with a plan of attack!

I am really looking for a plan of advice here from you MB experts. Please help me with a plan of attack after sending the last email.

Thanks!

I am no expert since I'm only 1 month out from D-Day but I would do nothing as far as signing them and responding to her. Don't make it easy for her to get a D. I'm sure its tough financially but I would consult with a laywer to see what your rights are. Hopefully someone with more experience will post soon. Good luck, and keep us posted.