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She is under the misapprehension that this is a board filled with groupthink... You mean it isn't? :P What do you think would happen if someone gave the "wrong" answers to any of these questions? This is almost like going to dailykos and asking who voted for W last time.
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Any faithful spouse who says they've never been tempted is lying. Period. ....or they're not human. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> That said, there are degress of temptation, IMHO. WAT Well, my 1st M was 6 years long, now married 6 (and counting) to current H. I never once had the desire/urge to cheat. I get approached, so it's been on the table a few times, but I was never tempted. Same when I was dating other men. I end a relationship before I start a new one. I have a VERY consistant history of this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> - Dru
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Jen, Dru - I don't believe you never looked at another man and didn't think, hmmmmmmm.........
As I said, there are degrees of temptation.
JMHO
WAT
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Never thought, hmmmmm... Maybe thought he's a nice guy. But never thought, hmmmmm... There are very few men like Rob. He's so cool - most men aren't cool. He's so knowledeable about everything and widely read and quirky. He bought a model skeleton the other day to put on the bookshelf. I said I bet most middle aged people don't have skeletons on their bookshelves. But that's what is so cool about him - he's so different from most men.
I have such a prickly exterior when it comes to men. I always have. I didn't have brothers and went to an all girl school all my life. I've never "got" men so I just put up barriers. When I see my DD, who has a brother obviously, interact with guys - friendly and approachable but not flirtatious - I envy her.
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1) Have you ever been tempted to cheat on your spouse and if so, why?
Yes, why...because my wife was not meeting most of my EN's (and vice verse).
2) Did you give in or did you pass on it and why?
I passed on a PA for a couple of reasons the main one being my OW would not meet me for our planned weekend because she had gained weight. When she finally said to meet her I said no, I could not do it..
I did have an EA with this person for quite some time (3 years). I did not know what an EA was until I began seeking help on this site.
3) In your opinion, should you reveal the fact that you were tempted to cheat your spouse-Why or why not?
My FWxW (now FWW) knew shortly after I found this site and honesty , openness and full disclosure became a must for us to move forward....
This all happened after she had a PA, started a separate EA, and asked me for a D. I was shocked because I had made efforts to get things better and I thought it worked except for her moodiness (which was result of her PA)....it was not great then but it only got worse....
How does this help you???
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Jen, Dru - I don't believe you never looked at another man and didn't think, hmmmmmmm.........
As I said, there are degrees of temptation.
JMHO
WAT Well, noticing that someone is cute is a FAR cry from wanting to sleep with them. Far, far, far, far cry. Sure, I've noticed that there are other cute/nice men besides my H. But never once was I slightly tempted to even have drinks with them, much less SF. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> That's not a degree of temptation, that's just having eyes. And I would not consider it temptation that my H noticed that other women walked the earth, either. Really. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> - Dru
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It is my belief that temptation alone does not an affair make...Temptation must be mixed with the right combination of what's going on in your life/marriage, and opportunity for unfaithfulness to occur...The "@#$?right?$#@" jumping off place, so to speak...
Also, there are many tiny choices made along the slippery slope of adultery that lead up to the BIG choice. It is because of the tiny choices (movement of boundaries), that the big choice doesn't actually seem so big, which is why you hear many WSs say, "It just happened"...Until further examination in recovery, that is how it seems...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Jen, Dru - fair enough. Being a guy, I can't put myself in a woman's shoes - well, I could, but that's another discussion! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I can't imagine a guy who hasn't looked at an attractive or otherwise sexy woman and hasn't thought hmmmmmmm........ I think it's human (guy) nature. This does not include taking the first step to planning an infidelity. Just the basic temptation starting point. WAT
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Also, there are many tiny choices made along the slippery slope of adultery that lead up to the BIG choice. It is because of the tiny choices (movement of boundaries), that the big choice doesn't actually seem so big, which is why you hear many WSs say, "It just happened"...Until further examination in recovery, that is how it seems... Wow Mrs W. You don't sound like such a dumb blonde bimbo when you say insightful stuff like that. LOL. Very true MrsW.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Also, there are many tiny choices made along the slippery slope of adultery that lead up to the BIG choice. It is because of the tiny choices (movement of boundaries), that the big choice doesn't actually seem so big, which is why you hear many WSs say, "It just happened"...Until further examination in recovery, that is how it seems... Wow Mrs W. You don't sound like such a dumb blonde bimbo when you say insightful stuff like that. LOL. Very true MrsW. Alright Big Kangaroona...Click HERE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Yes I was. In bahamas. AFter finding out and having d day with darth. Our last trip.
Met a guy when darth was playing in blackjack tourney. He sat down beside me. Was cute, owned huge yacht...had been watching me. He told me my H was checking out OW. I said it was none of his business.
He told me I needed a kind of man who would adore me, treat me right, and that I didn't need a liar. He could see that in my H, who was several hundred yards away in same area as me...that's how bad darth became in the end.
sent expensive bottle of wine to my and darth's suite. I thought darth had sent it to ME! then I saw card, it said "friend".
I was and always remained faithful to darth.
didn't do it as it is Not in my blood to be that way. Not something I wanted to do.
tempted? yea! He was cute, successful and could have been my "marriage escape plan man". but no. I would not do such a thing,
after maybe 15 min. talking to the guy, I walked away.
Do I regret walking away?
Heck no.
It is who I am.
Plus any guy who hits on a married woman AND KNOWS SHE'S MARRIED...is a creep in my book.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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I think as a woman, you have to be placed in a very vulernable position to want to cheat.
I was. I was raw and unsure of my M and just had a d day. Horrible times actually. And here comes this smooth talker promising me the moon and stars and even telling me my H is in same area checking out other women in front of me.
That really enhanced the vulernability.
But I didn't do a thing about it. Darth stayed at that darn table for hours! I could have had my fun. But didn't.
That was the most lonely trip of my life. I remember after that, I went strolling out to the aquarium in the hotel by myself...then out to bridge near/overlooking the beach. Lots of people were out there. I just walked by myself. I felt more lonely than anybody in the world that night. And I was there on a trip staying in a suite at a killer resort with my H. Should have been a romatic or fun trip where we had quality time and some fun. Instead I had the heaviest heart of any woman you could have ever known.
I was ripe for an affair...just that I'd already been on the receiving end, knew it didn't solve a damn thing to have an affair of my own, plus I never have cheated on anybody I've ever been with. That's why I didn't.
But i can see how a woman could though.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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ROFLMAO!!! Oh, MrW...what a priceless, exquisite partner you have in your dear wife...
I admit it...I clicked BigK's link...
LOL!
Thank you, MrsW...
LA
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Wow-that's quite a story...Thanks for sharing it.
I have heard people say that they cheated or looked for someone to cheat with for "revenge" on a cheating spouse...
Question: Where do you see your marriage in 5 years?
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Glad You Liked It LA! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Gotta keep that "silly furriner", Kangaroona, in line you know! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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During my marriage I was presented with plenty of opportunities to cheat. I never wanted to. None of the men measured up to my husband, or were worth risking my family for.
I was always honest with my XH about these men. One of them, during a party at our home, came into my sleeping daughter's bedroom (I was checking on her) and kissed me. Even though I didn't reciprocate, I told my XH about it the next day (when the guy was far away!).
This was something that really bothered me when he left me for the OW. I said "When I think of all the chances I had to cheat on you, and didn't!" He just shrugged and said "I know". My fidelity meant very little to him.
Obviously, everyone looks at people of the opposite sex sometimes and wonders what it would be like to be with them. Personally, I don't think this constitutes real temptation, and I certainly don't think it necessary to inform one's spouse about every single incident.
Alph. Damn-that's ironic...it a crappy way.
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Hmm. You should check out the centre for the easily amused Mrs W
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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LadyC, I kinda hoped only FWS's would respond which would shoot this little discussion right out of the water.
I have no idea what "data" is being collected here. Maybe CS can enlighten us. *rolleyes* If you disilke me so much, why are you in this thread?
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Duh.
As one of the many FWS's (former wandering spouses) on this board I would say the answer to the first two questions was rather obvious.
And the answer to number 3 is YES OF COURSE. The reason, to let your spouse know that their life is not what they think it is and to let them make informed decisions about their own future.
Oh, edited to add I've just read your question. The answer is still yes. The heartache that could be prevented....
You really don't get this board do you? Um...I thought this was the GENERAL DISCUSSION II board...Plus, it would appear (judging by the responses) that not everyone here shares your sentiments...
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He we go again... LadyC, my comments about this thread were based on reading previous posts from CS.
She is under the misapprehension that this is a board filled with groupthink and only for BSs.
I just wanted to make a point. The point that I see being made is that folks on this site can be petty as h#ll...
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