Hi everyone,

I have a husband who has now got 15 cars that he has gradually accumulated over the time I've known him. Before we were married he would have an excuse to buy another and store it at my place. His mother had had a problem with him trying to bring cars around and store them at their place before we were married but she wouldn't allow it. I don't know where it all went wrong, but remember we were dating when he brought cars around. I wont allow him to buy cars anymore. We only have 1 car running as he never has time to do the cars up like he wants to. He gets angry with me if he misses a rego that he hasn't paid off...there are about 4 or so cars we are paying for for registration - expensive but thankfully he has a good job. I am afraid it's an obsession now however, he has gotten better listening to me and I told him that I don't need 4 cars! I've told him that I only need 1 and he can sell the rest of them. It embarasses me that others know and he tells them quite happily that he has 15. They either think it's funny or amazed that he has so many. People who he is good friends with tell him he doesn't need that many. He has in the past has gotten really angry everytime I bring up the subject up of getting rid of the cars, to the point that it upsets me too much and I cry or whatever. He has got better and says he will sell some but never does. What do you think I should do if he doesn't listen to others either apart from his wife? I don't want to live like this (even though now most of the cars are on my parents property becuase of the place we live in now)!!!

I need opinions before I am tempted to do something stupid. I don't want it to affect our marriage in any way by making a decision for him. I have no clue what to do.

Yes, this is a strange situation and I am convinced my hubby is the only one in the world with this problem...but I'm sure it's not the case.

Please tell me what you all think!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Judging by some of my former neighbors' yards, I don't think your husband is alone in this compulsion. From what I've read about hoarding, it falls in the obsessive-compulsive disorder spectrum.

Some links that might be helpful or informative:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/tre...ve-hoarding.php

http://understanding_ocd.tripod.com/hoarding.html

http://www.bio-behavioral.com/hoarding.asp

There are also Yahoo support groups for this issue. You might consider consulting some other spouses in similar situations for unique strategies on how to cope.

Sounds like it's going to require psychological intervention to resolve in any event, but one article acknowledges this is a particularly difficult affliction to treat due to most patients' reluctance to acknowledge there is a problem.

If hubby ignores your pleas for help, see if you can get a family member or close friend of his to intervene and persuade him to at least consider MC counseling so you two can learn to deal with conflict more constructively. Even if it's under the guise of "regular" MC, if you can at least get him in the door with you to see a counselor, then when you are both there you can casually bring this issue up in front of the counselor.

But rather than stating, "We need to see a counselor about YOUR hoarding problem, honey," take a different and less threatening approach such as "Dear, I think WE need to learn how to resolve conflict more effectively. Maybe a counselor could help us." This removes blame/pressure and should make him less defensive from the outset.

Good luck.

~Silverwraith

Thankyou for responding and do you really think my husband's problem is this serious?! It's kinda daunting to think of it in that way but his friend and I were talking about it recently and he reckoned it was behavioural...I do the cleaning...he find cleaning a hard thing to do.

I know that another marriage issue we had to deal with we seeked the Pastor and his wife to talk to. Well, I did anyway, and I brought the subject up (not on cars -something different) up that I was there for. He caught on to why we were actually there and said I go through people to get what I want! Then he came through with 'I'm trying to change this, I really am...' so this was a great breakthrough.

I have brought this up with a friend in front of hubby then states after I did this that I emotionally blackmail him. I don't think that's what I'm doing. I just can't stand the way he has 15 cars and just want to not to live with 15 cars for the rest of my life not to mention when we have children they will have to too. Our friend said to hubby that he should be seriously thinking about doing something about it if your wife is unhappy etc. It seems like hubby just wants to get a piece of land or rentals in the past that accommodates his car fetish! I just want to live normally like everyone around me does. This is certainly not normal.

You seriously think this is a mental thing?

Thanks heaps again.

Thankyou so much...this so sounds like my hubby - lol! A lot of this sounds like him and I was nodding a lot 'cause I can relate this to his excuses etc.

Wow this is bigger than I thought...
Particularly this -->
Despite the many negative consequences associated with compulsive hoarding, many, if not most, hoarders lack adequate intrinsic motivation to change and resist efforts of others who try to influence them to change.

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This is what hubby does for sure!

The info is great. I've got a lot of work ahead of me I would say...but I love him so much that I want to help him get out of this just in case it gets worse.