I forwarded the email. I won't see my WW until monday. She is probably on her way down there right now, I don't know. She didn't go to the councelors appointment yesterday. I don't know if I am happy or not about that. I still haven't been able to engage her in a conversation to ask her to speak to Steve. She is not talking at all, and I cannot pry right now. She has six more days to get out of her house, and I haven't the slightest idea what she is doing. Here comes the mack truck, and I better get out of the way.

Hit another meeting this morning, and will go tonight as well. First things first, and I am taking care of me.

My appetite came back with a vengence this weekend. I actually cooked a meal for the first time in about 2 1/2 months. It wasn't very good, by my standards, but I ate quite a bit. My son actually ate some too. That is an accomplishment in itself. That boy's diet consists mostly of pop-tarts, and McDonals. It is hard to get him to try different things, but I have been having success in getting him to eat a little better.

Haven't heard from either WW or the mystery woman that sent the email. I doubt that I will hear from that woman, but WW will most likely find some reason to blame me for it, and I will probably get to hear it.

It is amazing that my WW can go away for the entire weekend, and not even call to talk to our son. I know that she is not in the best place emotionally, but it still baffles me.

I checked my old cell phone last night, and the MC left a message two weeks ago for an appt. I felt bad, because I was thinking that she didn't want to talk to me. I do want to talk to this woman, and I left her a message with my new number to call. Don't know how it will help, if my WW won't go back, but I will still keep up with my part of saving the M, and I do want to have this MC involved with our recovery when we get there.

Right now, I am racking my brain for a way to engage my WW in conversation. I don't want to reach out, and bug her. I don't want to call her without good reason. She has been very closed off to me lately, and I don't want to press her. At the same time my little demons tell me that I am giving OM free reign to contaminate her brain even more. Now I understand that letting him have at it could work in our favor as well, and I am doing my best not to let the demons convince me to do stupid things like bug her to death. I have done too much of that already, and I am really just not too good at patience.

I made three meetings this weekend, and I am planning on going to a cookout at an AA's house today. This man was recomended as a sponsor, so I want to go, and talk to him if I can. Still have a hard time reaching out to people for help. It's easier on the internet I guess.

I gotta get serious about working on step 4. I have rolled alot of stuff around in my head, but I must start comitting things to paper. I don't want to pressure myself, but I also feel that I need to work the program. It's just so hard, because I am so perfect right?

Start third shift tonight, gonna be tired in the morning.

hehe, you and me both! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> You have lots of time to do step 4, so don't worry about rushing it. Right now you are getting into the habit of going to regular meetings, which is very good.

I understand fully about having no patience. You want everything to be fixed over night and I can relate. But being impatient will undo any advances you have made with her because it will make her feel pressured. Instead, back off and let her come to you. Subtly ATTRACT her back by being as pleasant as possible and avoiding lovebusters at all costs. Every lovebuster will undo weeks of attractive behavior, so don't get impatient and pushy! I KNOW how you alcoholics are! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Very glad to hear you are doing things with AA people and are pursuing a sponsor. I would ask around about how much sobriety he has under his belt before you ask him. You need someone very solid who knows the program and has some long term sobriety.

I talked to her a little bit just now. I took our son home, and she is feeling very hopeless. I tried not to come off pushy, but I got the feeling that she was feeling lectured. I was just trying to tell her that I wanted to be there for her. Her mom is getting worse, and she is going down there in the morning to see her. I asked if she wanted me to come along. Of course she didn't, but I told her that I really would like to be there for her and her mother. She said that it could be another false alarm, but I don't think she believes that.

She started saying things about how I am going to take our son away from her, and her mom will die, and she will have nothing. I told her that I am not trying to take him away, I am trying to hold our family together. I am trying to protect him from the affair. She just rolls her eyes at that. She asked why she feels so hopeless right now, and I said I don't know. I didn't want to say what was on my mind, which is that the people that she chooses to consult with, are filling her head full of sh*t.

She is angry at me, because I owe her a debt of gratitude for shielding our son from my drunkeness. Now he seems to want to spend time with me and not her. Again I didn't want to say anything about her attitude, or her depression. I said that I am trying to show her my gratitude, and that I want to make up for all the things that I have done in the past. I wasn't getting anywhere, and she was becoming visibly agitated. I ended up leaving, saying I needed to get ready to go to work.

She has liked me not talking to her at all. I do not bring up things that would upset her, she does. I answer her statements, and she doesn't like what I say. I do hope that is not lovebusting.

I did ask her to talk to Steve Harley, but she didn't say she would. I will ask her again tomorrow. She said why would he want to talk to me? I am the one who had the affair? I said he would like her side of the story.

Not sure what to think right now. I would have rather we were able to just talk about nothing.

"Steve Harley is trying to treat me and he wants to get your perspective on my problems." How about that?


Did you agree with her on this? I would agree and tell her how very sorry you are that she felt she had to do this. Admit your mistakes honestly. That is honest and she has probably gone through hale for you.

Do you think she is trying to bait you into a fight, Gale? This is a pretty common tactic with a WS that you want to avoid. If she can bait you into a fight you give her ammunition to demonize you. And if you are demonized, then she can justify her affair.

Did she get the email yet about the OM's other woman?

Yes, I did agree with her. I told her that I owe her a lifetime of gratitude, that I want to show my appreciation and make it up to her.

I do want to make it up to both of them. Right now, my son is willing to let me. He harbors no resentment, and freely accepts my love and affection. She on the other hand is not only not willing to let me, but her attitude seems to be pushing our son away. He knows what he wants. He knows that I want the same thing. He knows that she doesn't want that. He is angry with her, and I have no control over that. I just cannot seem to tell her that without a confrontation. She sees it as me turning our son against her.

I don't know if she is trying to pick a fight or not. I was wondering if she isn't trying to get me to say that elusive "one" thing that will melt her heart, and make her want to try. I have been wondering if I didn't screw up again last night. I didn't want to upset her, and once she became aggitated, I didn't run for the door, but I didn't stay long either. It is such a guessing game for me, but If it was some sort of test, I may have failed.

She has a very low opinion of my masculinity. I haven't been much of a man these last how many years. Scared little boy is more like it. I am doing my best to counter this opinion of me, but some things even a man doesn't know. I am not a mind reader.

Then again she could just be trying to pick a fight.

She has not mentioned the email that I forwarded to her. Either she didn't read it yet, or is not going to talk to me about it. I don't even know the status of her affair relationship right now. She ain't talking.

She seems more upset right now about her mother, and having to find a place to live and work. If her mother dies this week, I don't know if the landlord will give her a little more time or not. She hasn't even started packing. She went to see her mother today instead of looking for a job. It's good that she went to see her, but she should have been looking for the job for the last few weeks.

I assume she spent the whole weekend with OM. Less than an hour away from her mom, but she couldn't go see her then. I am not able to tell her anything without "lecturing". So she will have to just deal with her decisions.

I got a reply from the OM's OW?! She says that she has been seeing him for about a year. Says she loves him and didn't know that he was seeing anyone else. I don't know what to do. I told her she could ask OM about it, but he will probably not be honest. Told her if she wants to talk to WW I can give her contact info, but she will have to call me for it.

I don't know for sure what to do about this. If this woman goes to the trouble to figure out how to contact me, then I may be convinced that she is serious. I don't know if I will give her my WW's number though. I am not wanting to put my WW in any danger if I can help it. I guess I am just thinking that the two of them communicating could be alot better than with OM in the middle. Maybe I will just give her WW's email address. That way she can reach out without being able to find her.

I was just thinking that if this person would call me, the caller ID could convince me that it is for real.

Things are really getting crazy. She has to be out by friday, and she hasn't started packing. She is throwing anger at me a mile a minute, because I won't give her support money. She says I want to take our son away from her. She called her lawyer to see about moving back in here, and making me move out. My lawyer cannot be reached until tomorrow. I made an offer to let her move back in, and to move a camper into the driveway for myself. I don't know if it is wise, but I did. I am trying to think about my son right now. I need to try to protect him, and his mother is getting really desperate. The OM is offering to let her live in his house for free, but I won't let her, because of our son. Your da*n right I won't let her take my son.

She just called and said I won. She has nowhere to go. She will move back in, and she will die. Before she was off the phone, she changed her mind. She was going to let me take our son, and then she changed her mind. I just almost called her back, but I put the phone down. I have to let her come to me. She is so desperate. I am so scared for her right now, and I am even more frightened for my son. I am worried sick right now.

nonononono, do not offer to move out into the camper!! You must stay there in your own bed!! Withdraw that offer NOW! It is GOOD that she is feeling desperate becasue of her choices. That is what you want. Don't make it easy for her to use you as a doormat.

Tell her you sympathize with her and offer to help her move in. But make it clear that she cannot carry on her affair from your home.

You also need to tell her that the OM has a girlfriend. NOW! That will eliminate the OM as a choice.

I don't want to move into a camper, it just sorta came out while I was talking to her. I already started reniging on that. I told her that I don't think I can let her move back in if she is going to see OM, so she won't move in. She is just jumping all over the board. I believe that she may let me take our son, and then move in with OM. At least I will be protecting my son from this affair.

I did say something about the girlfriend, but she just shrugged it off. Either she thinks I am lying, or OM came up with something to convince her. She is wrapped around his little finger.

going to be an interesting day, better get some sleep.

My FIL said he will cosign for her. I really would like to give him a piece of my mind. He is two hours away, and I don't know how he will get the papers to sign. She is mad that I will not sign the papers. I called the lawyer just to have him tell me not to. I will do what my lawyer says this time. He said that if she takes our son down there, to call and he will get an order for her to bring him back.

She thinks this is all just a ploy to get our son. She ignores everything that I tell her, and just warps reality. I told her that I don't know if it is a good thing for her to move back right now. I will let her, but I know that she will not give up OM. She says that if she moves back, I will "own" her. How can I convince her that she is not "owned" but still put my foot down about the OM?

I am praying for guidance, and I hope that I can see what it is that I need to do. The lawyer said to give her some money if that will help her out, but don't sign the lease. I don't have any money to give her. Got the store money, but I haven't finished paying taxes, and I don't know what we can spend and what we can't.

With all this going on, I am not sleeping well. Getting three hours a day, and I am falling asleep on the job. I don't want to get that tired. She won't talk to Harley, and I can't afford to pay him if she would.

Funny how she is all upset about how she is losing everything trying to get free of me. That is how she put it. I have told her that WE are losing everything, not just her. She says that the only way she can get rid of me is to die. Says I am always up her a*s. I told her I am not up her a*s, and she doesn't have to die to get rid of me. She wants me out of her life, but she wants my money. I don't believe it. She wants her affair.

Our councelor does seem to have a good grasp on what is going on with the affair. She does understand the mental condition much more than I gave her credit for. She advised me to just let my WW go and hit that brick wall. I just have a hard time doing it.

We discussed my obsession with saving the marriage. What is the fear that drives my obsession. I believe it is losing my WW as a friend. Not losing her, but losing that friendship. It will not be there if this marriage ends because of infidelity.

What "obsession" are you talking about, Gale? No one likes to lose their life partner, that does not mean it is an "obsession." You should do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. That is a NORMAL, HEALTHY, RATIONAL, RESPONSIBLE reaction. You should try to save your marriage, especially for your boy.

Your wife was already lost, Gale. When she moved out and got a boyfriend is when she became lost, so your actions now are not doing that. Nothing you can do now can cause her to be lost because she already IS lost. In the meantime, you should do what you can to attract her back as best you can.

All of her upset right now is due to the fact that she is having to face consequences of her affair. She has made some bad decisions and is having to face the consequences. So don't act like this is your fault, it is not.

Watch out for taking the blame for all her unhappiness, Gale, because that is what i hear you doing. That is pretty typical of an alcoholic. They are so used to being the cause of everyone''s unhappiness that they take the blame whether it is appropropriate or not. Rest assured, your W's current unhappiness comes from the actions of the lady in the mirror and no one else.


Don't even try to finance her affair and her seperation. Don't give her any money at all! If she wants to be seperated, then she is a big girl and will have to finance that just like other big boys and girls. She will have to get a job. With freedom comes responsibility!

The pressure seems to have proven too much for my WW to handle. Yesterday morning she called me and begged me to sign her lease. She tried everything to talk me into it. She even threatened suicide. She started coughing and choking on the phone, and then hung up. I go flying into her place to make sure she is all right, and she is sitting there on the phone with OM. She asked me to leave. I asked her if there was anything else that HE wanted her to tell me. I stepped outside, and she locked the door behind me so I just went back home.

I tried to get some sleep, and then the cops called me. It seems that my WW took a bunch of pills, and then got in her car, and started driving to OM's. She turned off on a back road, and got lost. She wanted to die. So the OM called the police, because she was driving around lost and possibly overdosed. OM was driving all over the country looking for her. She wouldn't talk to anyone except OM. He called me and asked me to call her. I wasn't too happy with him, and I told him "I hope your happy now buddy", I wish I hadn't said that. She answered but didn't want me to help her. She just wanted me to feel bad. Then she wanted OM because she wanted to be talking to him when she died.

I called the school to make sure that she hadn’t taken our son with her. I also called our MC, and I am glad that I did. This woman helped me a lot yesterday. She truly does understand what is going on with WW, and she helped me deal with things properly.

I was supposed to help WW move out of her house yesterday. She didn’t have any place to move to since I wouldn’t sign the lease. I planned on just taking her stuff back to our house till she found something. She just couldn’t think of any other options besides either sleeping at our house, or going to OM’s. She was certain that if she came back home, even for one night, she would die. She was also convinced that if she left her son to go to OM’s she would die as well. So she decided to take her own life. I don’t know why she didn’t decide to sleep in a hotel for a few days. Why couldn’t she have stayed at a friend’s house? Even if she went to OM’s house, she could come back next week, and find work and shelter. Why did it have to be so final? I think she was mad at me because I wouldn’t give in, and she wanted to punish me.

After about four hours the OM found her about two counties away from here. The sheriff called EMS, and they took her to hospital. I was hoping that they would keep her for a few days, but they let her right out last night. When she called me from the hospital, she just told me that I had to call and give them the insurance information. I asked her what she wanted to do about moving her stuff out of the house, and she said just get it out of there. That was about it. OM was there being her hero, and taking good care of her, so I stayed away. I went to a meeting last night, even though I could barely keep my eyes open. I had about 40 minutes sleep in 36 hours, and man was I tired.

She called me this morning, and asked what was going on, and I told her that we were moving her stuff out of her house. She didn’t like that idea, as she needed to get some of her stuff. I told her that it would be at our house, and if she wanted anything to come get it. I made sure that she knows that OM is not allowed on our property, and she should come alone. She asked me what I want her to do. I told her that it doesn’t matter what I want, or what OM wants, or what anybody else wants. I said it is time for her to decide what it is that she “needs” to do, and do it. She asked if she could get her stuff when I am not home, and I said no. I will lock it up, and I have to be here. OM is not allowed on this property. I asked, “Do you want me coming to his house? Does HE want me coming to his house?” I haven’t heard from her since.

I keep coming back to something my mom told my WW. “When he finally gets his belly full, watch out.” Surprisingly, I am not mad at WW. I feel sorry for her, and if she would ask to come back and work on the marriage, I am still willing to do so. I am still in plan A, and I am totally aware of the mental strain she is under. Of course, my family might get really upset with me if I would do that. Fortunately for her I am in a really forgiving frame of mind.

Believe it or not, through all of this I haven’t really been tempted to take a drink. My brother drank a couple of beers that we found in her refrigerator, and it was the first time I smelled the stuff since I quit. Must admit it smelled pretty good. I started wondering if I had some pop or something. But I didn’t even think about drinking a beer. Good for me.

My son is safe, with me. I have a funny feeling that this whole incident will not help her get custody at all. I am so glad that I have you, and the other people in my life that have helped me keep my feet on the ground, and handle this situation like an adult.

I told my brother-in-law today that I am dealing with two kids these days. I have an eight year old, and a sixteen year old.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. The wisdom to know the difference.

Wow, what a mess, Gale! What do you think she will do now? I wonder why the OM couldn't sign the lease? Was there some reason he couldn't sign? And has she pulled these high drama stunts in the past to get her way? I am really surprised that she would go to these lengths to get her way? Is this a pattern with her?

What do you think she will do now, Gale?

I told her to have OM sign the lease, but since the reason I needed to sign was the fact that I "have" a job, and OM doesn't "have" a job, I doubt his signature is worth spit.

She has never ever done anything this dramatic before. I can sorta remember one time that she talked about killing herself, but I was drunk and in a tirade at the time, and I can understand why she might have wanted to. That was quite a few years ago.

One thing has changed though. She never had me stand up for myself this way before. I have always given in to her when she wanted something. I have always tried to give her what she wants as long as it was within reason. If I had signed that lease, she would be sitting there, in her new apartment, happy as a clam, talking on the phone with OM. Or more likely, since it is the weekend, and I have our son, "breaking in" the new place with him.

My mom says that she went to great lengths to get what she wanted which was to move to OM's place. I am not sure about that. I think that she would rather have waited longer to go there, otherwise she would have left months ago. Had I not filed for divorce, my son would likely be there right now too. She does not want to lose her son. Her affair fantasy was all built around taking our son to live with OM and have this wonderful OM be a much better daddy than I have ever been. Her fantasy didn't take into account that I may not agree to her bulls**t plan. I think she honestly thought that I wouldn't care. As a practicing alcoholic, I could easily have given her that impression.

What will she do now? Still not sure. Just as I was making my last post, she called me. She doesn't know what to do. She believes that everybody in town knows what she did yesterday, and she is afraid to face them. I told her that she ought to call MC, that she could help her discover what her options are. She doesn't want to call her. She doesn't want to talk to anyone that might give her some common sense advise. This leads me to think that she will end up staying with OM.

I could sense that she seemed to be wanting me to say something that would "tell" her what to do. She tried to make me feel bad about yesterday. She said that when she called I didn't ask her how she was. I told her that I did too ask her how she was. I am seeing that the biggest victim of her lies is her. She has been lying so much that she believes them herself.

I told her that she can still get a job and an apartment. If she does, she knows that I will let our son live with her like we have been. Even if I get custody, I will not take him away from his mother, as long as she keeps OM away. She told our son yesterday that he was moving to my house, and he would only see her every other weekend. This was not a nice thing to say to him. He doesn't even understand what is going on.

Yep, she is probably where she is planning on staying for a while. Let's see how well OM lives up to her ideal of a perfect man when she lives with him full time.

You know, it might not be a bad thing for her to go live with the OM for awhile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> That relationship is already very shaky and once he has to support her he will be none too happy with her nonsense. Reality will ruin the affair. She will also have to explain to ppl why she doesn't have her son living with her, which will be very hard. Your actions are definitely putting the SQUEEZE on her affair. Way to go, Gale!

I am just relieved that you have your son now. In the meantime, keep doing the great job you have been doing in trying to meet her needs as best you can. I suspect her affair won't last much longer and as long as she comes to see you as an attractive alternative, there is hope.

Have you noticed that she acts just like a drunk in her current state? I am always amazed at how well I can relate to these fogged out WS's just because of my background as an alcoholic. They act irrationally and they speak the language of bullcrap. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You are handling this all superbly, Gale! Good job! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree. This move will probably remove the last shreds of fantasy that she held about the affair. Also, I believe that she will find that it is "her" supporting "him" before long at all. She has already admitted that when they go out, she usually has to pay for tickets and dinner.

My mom believes that this guy is in it for money. We had that store, and we own property. He could be waiting for the divorce, so he can get access to her half of our fortune. For this reason I have been doing my best to make it clear to my WW that there is no money left from the sale of the store, and the equity in the house is almost nill. If we split, she will most likely end up with some money. I don't want to see her squander it away with this person. Or worse, have it stolen from her.

I can only hope that she gets fed up with him before he gets to her money. Right now, he is her hero. He saved her life friday, and there just ain't no way I can compete with that. I don't really care though, because I know that her life wasn't in danger to begin with, and she knows that I know that.

As far as meeting her emotional needs, I think I need to read up on that a little more. I am not even sure what her needs are anymore. I know that conversation was always a very strong need for her, and we always talked alot. I can keep working toward that part rather easily. Other than that, I am kinda up in the air.

I would say that one of her biggest emotional needs is a sober husband. I am working on Gale, and I have to make that my priority. I still have this incredible fear of people. I went to a new meeting the other night, and I was just so afraid to approach these people. I must find a way to force myself to walk up to someone and shake their hand. I think part of my hesitation is the fact that I have a strange name. Everyone that I meet seems to have to ask me twice what it is, and then they still don't get it right. I hate having to explain it. I also am terrible at remembering names myself. I have met some people a half dozen times and I can't tell you what their name is. I really do wonder if I don't have some sort of deficiency or something. This fear hasn't kept me from going to meetings, but it has kept me from opening up, and talking to people. I have just been so isolated for so long, and I really don't trust myself to make conversation. I don't know what to say. They don't want to hear what's going on in my life right now. At least not during polite conversation.

I still haven't found a sponsor, partially because I am not getting to know people. I know that it will come, and until then, keep planting my butt in the seat, and listen. I was told about one man, and I called him the other day. I just haven't had the chance to get to know him. I intend to ask him tonight if he will sponsor me, and help me with step four. Even if it is a temporary thing, I think he will do it. I just don't know him well.

Friday, when I talked to WW on the phone, she sounded drunk. I can so relate to her messed up thinking, and I believe that it has helped me deal with her foolishness. Like I said, my family will probably be angry with me if I take her back now, but I would only be offering her what I am asking of her myself.

You know I wondered if she weren't drinking, because of her erratic behavior. I am starting to see a little pattern here and you tell me if this is correct. She gets mad at you when she doesn't get her way, pitches a huge hizzy fit, sometimes even going to the hospital, and then blames YOU for her reaction. That makes you the bad guy and her the victim! Is that what is going here? Are you always the bad guy, Gale? Because this is not an uncommon game in alcoholic families.

As far as meeting her needs you have this exactly right. The best you can do right now is work on your plan of recovery, be kind and avoid lovebusters. Meet her needs when the opportunity presents itself. If you see an opportunity to meet her need for admiration or domestic companionship and she will let you meet it, then you should do it, as long as it is not annoying.

The more meetings you go to, the less uncomfortable you will feel. Really. Most AA's feel this way. They have the feeling they are on the outside looking in most of their lives. Are you going to the kind of meeting where everyone says something? Closed meetings? Because those are the kind of meetings you should be going to. You will get the absolute most out of those. Speaker meetings are good, but certainly not essential to recovery.

Good luck on finding a sponsor tonight!

Do you think your wife has a drinking problem or is she just drinking heavily right now to drown out her conscience?

I don't think my WW was actually drunk friday. She swears she took about a dozen muscle relaxers, and some other pills. They may have made her drowsy, and cause her speech to slur. Since she moved out, she has started drinking a little. I don't know how much, but before, she never drank at home, and rarely went out to drink. Now she has a bottle of margaritas in her fridge all the time. I have been around her house enough to know that she is not constantly replacing those bottles.

The pattern you describe is probably true for the most part, at least recently. Since the affair came to light, whenever I talk to her about things that she doesn't want to hear, she starts reacting in a very dramatic, and upset manner. Throughout these last few months, I would give in, or shut up, just to calm her down. The other day, I wouldn't give in to her desires, and the rest is the result.

Yes, she is getting upset, and blaming me for it. I see this as her trying to get me to do what she wants. It has worked in the past, so she might as well keep trying. Only I am not letting her get away with it now. This has her frustrated.

I went and got the rest of her stuff out of the house today. As we were driving home, she called me and said that she was coming to get some stuff. She acted kindof timid when she arrived. Like she thought I was going to jump down her throat, and start giving her ******. I didn't say anything harsh at all.

She asked if our son was home, and I told her he was in the house. I was unloading her stuff. She went inside, and low and behold, she didn't drop dead on the spot like she said she would last week!!!? I thought about thanking the good lord for the miracle, but I just shut my mouth. She said she has to go see a shrink or something tomorrow, as a condition of being released the other day. She said she is going to keep the appointment, but then she started saying she didn't know how much it would cost. I told her the insurance will probably cover it, meaning I wasn't about to give her any money. She was complaining about being broke, and it cost her 80 dollars to get her car out of impound. I thought, gee, sorry to hear that.

She went on about how OM found her, like he is just the most wonderful hero a girl could have. She said "I know, you hate him." I said that I don't think I hate him. I don't know what it is that I feel toward him, but I don't think it's hate. She tried again to get me to let her come get her things when I am not home, and I refused to let her. I told her if she really didn't want me here, I will find someone else to be here in my place, but she just dropped it.

She told our son that she is staying with OM. Our son only knows OM as a friend of hers, he doesn't see anything wrong with it. He doesn't know what OM really is, and I don't want him to know. I was angry that she told him. I didn't say anything to our son about it though.

She was here for about an hour. She got some stuff, and she left. I asked her for a hug before she left. She said she didn't know why I wanted one, and I said because I love you, and I don't want to see you hurting anymore. I will have to wait and see what she does. She still acted like she might look for an apartment here in town. I'm not sure if she will or not.

I was cooking a pork shoulder on the smoker when she arrived. Just going about my business, living life, and not letting her stop me. It's been cooking for about seven hours, and I hope it's done before I have to leave for my meeting tonight. I sure smells good. I always put a can of apple juice in with the coals to boil and steam the meat. This makes very good pork.