Do you have the book Lovebusters? If not, will you order it online? In the meantime, CAREFULLY read the articles here again so you can identify anything you haven't seen before. Particularly speaking to her in a condescending manner and blasting that OM in front of her. You can come here and blast him all you want to me, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am really, really liking this new development and think you hve a GREAT opportunity to welcome her backc home. Or at least make her WANT to come back. It would be nice if you could have the house all nice and clean and organized. Make it as PLEASANT as possible, but let her know that you just can't seem to "keep it as clean as she did." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Make her feel NEEDED!

You could also buy her some special food and drinks that she likes. Don't go overboard or anything but just let her know that you were thinking of her.

Oh my, I wish I could say that this weekend is going without a hitch, but if there were any more hitches here, I would be a trailer salesman.

As I speak, my WW is on her way back to OM's house to get her stuff. She is so upset right now, I fear for her. I can only pray that she doesn't do anything foolish. She is not getting her stuff because she wants to come home. She doesn't want to come here either. She has no place to go, and that is what has me so concerned. I asked her to come back here and let me help her figure out what to do. I don't know if she will or not. She is in God's hands right now, and I pray that he keeps her safe.

The weekend started out ok. She arrived, and we were pleasant. I left to get the steaks that I promised her, and when I returned, everything had changed. She found a note that my mom wrote that detailed events up to the time she attempted suicide. My mom wrote this for me to take to the lawyer's office, so I could remember everything I needed to tell him. I had taken it out of my pocket, and thrown it in a drawer. My wife found it, and read it, and got really mad. That set the tone for the rest of the weekend up till a few hours ago.

She was trying to pick a fight with me. She needed me to live up to her expectations. I wouldn't give her the pleasure. I told her that I would like to talk to her, but I wanted her here to spend time with our son, and I didn't want to talk with him in the room.

I went to my mom's and slept for a couple of hours yesterday, and then I went to work. When I came home this morning, I asked if she wanted me to go to mom's, and she said yes. Before I left for mom's, she asked me if I would pay for her car insurance, since it expires at the end of the month. I said I would think about it. I slept at mom's house, then came back to make the pizza that I promised. We ate the pizza, and she started going through some of her things that she wanted to take back to OM's house. I will admit that I wasn't too happy with her, but I wouldn't argue or talk about it. I went to a meeting tonight, and when I got back home, I again asked if she wanted me to spend the night at mom's. She said yes. Before I left, she was still trying to pick a fight, and I told her that I would like to have a civilized conversation, but not around our son. We ended up talking in another room.

I tried to explain that if she would come back to town, and end her affair, I would be happy to help in any way I can. But if she is going to live with OM, clean OM's clothes, cook OM dinner, and sleep with OM, I am not going to help her at all. If she wants to act like his wife, then he can support her. I said all of this without love busters, or any harsh words. She was upset with me of course, and when she realized that I don't intend to buy her insurance, she decided it was time for me to go to mom's.

Now just an hour ago, she calls me and wants me to come home so she can go get her stuff out of his house. She must have been talking to him, and they must have gotten into a fight. I really don't know. I rushed back home, and I tried to talk to her. I tried to get her to understand that it's not about staying married, but that I care about her, and want to help her figure out what to do. I am certain that she feels like she has absolutely noone right now, and that puts her in a dangerous place.

I don't know what to do other than pray. I am doing that alot right now.

Gale, DO NOT leave your house again to accommodate her. That is contributing to her insanity. Her house of cards is now crumbling and she is going to have to make some hard choices. You are her husband, not her friend, and not her pseudo roommate. You should not spend one second away from your house because that only prolongs the inevitable bottom she needs to hit. Let her hit her bottom, Gale! It is in the best interest of your marriage and your son.

She desperately needs you to be the sane lighthouse in her life, since she has completely lost it. You can't do that by going along with her schemes. Tell her she is welcome to come home if she wants to be a wife, if not she will have to find a place to live and get a job. Then go rent her a hotel room for a week.

She has some serious emotional problems, doesn't she, Gale?

Major emotional problems. She only got half way to OM's house, then she turned around to come get her stuff. She told me that "right or wrong" she has decided to stay with OM. We were up all night talking. I didn't really try to change her mind. I don't see much point in that any more. She just keeps going back to 1998. She has a lot of anger and resentment built up, and as long as OM is in the picture, she won't deal with it.

By the time it was all said and done, she was very angry about me not letting her take our son to OM's house. She insists that he won't be hurt. I told her that I believe that he will be hurt, and I am trying to do what is best for him. She brings up my drinking, and says that I didn't have his best interest in mind then. I agreed, and I told her that I am not drinking now, and I want to do what is right for him.

She insisted that she will not leave the lawyer's office this thursday without the right to take our son to OM's house. If she doesn't get him, she says she will kill herself. Who's best interest does she have in mind there? She told me that she hates me, and she always will. That hurt. I told her that I love her.

There is no sense debating with her, so I didn't. I explained alot about what has been happening in my life since I have sobered up. And we talked about alot of the things that have lead up to our current mess. Bottom line is that she is not willing to forgive me for things that happened a long time ago. I know that as long as OM is there, she won't even consider it.

Let go, let God.

As far as leaving the house, I needed to leave so I could get some sleep on saturday. My son would not leave me alone if I tried to sleep at home. On Saturday night, I probably should have stayed, but I had nowhere in the house to go, and I was wide awake. Besides, it should be a mute point now. She swears that she will not do it again. She insists that she should have the right to take him to where she lives.

This is preying on my mind. I need to be strong for my son, but I can easily find myself weakened by her tears. I don't know what to do on thursday. I don't know if my lawyer will suggest that I give in on the visitation or not. I don't want the judge to think that I am trying to keep them apart. Coming back to our town is not an option for her. She hates the town, and the way people talk. She finally told me that the real reason she doesn't want to come back to our town is because I am here. I think she was mad when she said that.

What if I have no option other than to let her take him to OM's as long as the OM is not there. I cannot go into negotiation expecting to get everything that I want. What can I be willing to bend on? She is asking for a weekly payment for support. I do not want to give her any money, specially if she is living with OM. Do I let her have visitation in order to get out of giving her money?

I also know that I am sitting on a lump of money that belongs to us, and she is sitting there flat broke. I am not using any of this money, and I struggle to pay my bills also. She wants that money. I know that it is not in her best interest to have it. I just find myself torn between wanting her to suffer to hit bottom, and wanting to help her out. I don't want to help her if that man is involved at all, but I cannot seem to get angry enough to not care about her. What the he ll is wrong with me?

She told me that she told our councilor that the only way she and I could possibly have a future together is for her to be with OM right now. I don't fully understand what she means by that, but I told her that I believe everything happens for a reason. I also told her that her insistance in having her affair is forcing me to move on, and I cannot hold out forever. Of course, that is what she wants right now.

She wants to believe that what I am doing by forbidding our son from going to OM's is my way of controlling her life, and trying to keep her from being happy. It feeds all of her messed up ideas about me. She really seems to think that I am trying to destroy her. Funny, I could let myself think the same thing. She insists that she really wanted to die that day. And OM was the only one that cared. She doesn't listen to a thing I say, and I don't know why I wasted another night of my life talking to her. I do think that I got in some good points, and I showed her that I love her. I also lost some more of my love for her this weekend, and I fear that the affair will win.

I am getting tired of trying. I am not going anywhere in my life. I am slowly working on step 4, and I am hitting two or three meetings a week. I am not struggling with a desire to drink at all, and I worry that it will suprise me. I don't know how to make friends, and I don't know what to do. I am spinning my wheels and I am upset with myself. I am asking God to help me with all of this, and I try to have faith that all will work out.

According to my original plan, I have two more months of planA. I hope I can make it.

Gale, don't give up on trying to protect your son. She is trying to beat you down so she can drag your son into her sleazy affair. Don't let her do that. Your son's best interest should never be negotiated away in order to appease a self destructive, crazy WS. You are ALL he has right now. There is no one left to protect him.


Coming back to your town most certainly IS an option for her and will be if she has your son's best interest at heart. Better that she sacrifice her selfish fears than drag her son out of town into her sleazy affair into her affair lair. Good grief, she is the grown up here! You can tell the judge the TRUTH, that you have made endless offers for her to come and visit your son, but you REFUSE to allow your boy to get dragged into her immoral, unstable situation. This is a woman who shacks up with a low man and who threatens suicide at the drop of the hat. You can't exactly send your child into that sick environment, in good conscience. Your wife cannot be trusted with him.

Be sure and document EVERYTHING, Gale. Start a journal that outlines your offers for her to see your son.

I wonder if you are getting ripe for Plan B? She is wearing you down and much more of this is going to drive you crazy. You need some peace and so does your son. But before you can do that, you need to get this visitation thing ironed out along with the finances. When will your visitation agreement be finalized?

Hi Gale - I have not posted to you before, but just wanted to offer up some words of encouragement. Stay strong for your son. You are all that your son has for the moment. Fight hard to not let him be exposed to the OM.

I hope you gather strength and guidance from Him.

Blessings,

Kim

Thank you Kimberly, and thank you Melody. It's funny how any time I spend more than a few minutes with WW, it really seems to get me down. Rereading my post from yesterday shows me how she effects my mood. I have thought for a while that I might move planB up a little, but I wanted some sort of agreement in place first.

Yesterday I saw negative negative negative. Last night at work, I spoke with my higher power, and meditated I guess. I was soon able to see positives from this weekend. For one thing, she got into a fight with OM. She was upset enough that she was going to get her things and move out. This is a good thing, even though she changed her mind. If there is one fight, another may soon follow. Another good thing was that I was able to talk to her without love busting, and let her know how I feel about some things. It doesn't matter if she seemed to understand or appreciate what I said. She heard it, and some of it may sink in.

We are supposed to meet at her lawyer's office on Thursday morning. I believe that if we cannot walk out with an agreement, then the judge will need to be involved. She insists that if she cannot have our son, she will kill herself, but that is just her way of trying to get me to give in. She has really gone out of her way to convince me that her last attempt was sincere. As if she thinks I don't believe that she really wanted to die.

I just don't know what my lawyer will say. He understands my position. I don't want my son in that man's house. I'm not sure that it is good for my son to be around his mother right now, even if they are alone. He has been so aggressive since she was here. Perhaps it was the tension. If I cannot stop the court from letting her take him there, I will fight to keep OM and his entire family away from my son. I cannot imagine that OM will enjoy having to vacate his own home every other weekend to accommodate my son.

The other issue is money. I don't want to have to pay her any money as long as she lives with OM. I would like to try and make any money contingent on her moving back to the area, but I don't know if that is possible. I could find myself financing her affair even if she does come back to town. Still the move would be a blow to the affair. Perhaps it could be a chance worth taking.

As for documenting things, I am terrible about it. I finally decided that this thread documents all of the important things that have happened, and I will use it to prepare my case. I haven't actually been making alot of offers to see our son. I have left an open invitation to come anytime she wants.

If she thinks that she hates me now, she will probably really hate me Thursday. I don't like to see this happen, but I knew from the beginning that there was only one way for us to remain friends, and that is to remain married.

I will protect my son at all cost.

I just got back from her lawyer's office. I walked in to sign a separation agreement, and I almost walked out divorced.

She is pushing to simply end the marriage, and there is little I can do about it. I could drag my feet, and try to stall, but right now I don't see the point. Her lawyer said that since the divorce is almost final I should go ahead and let WW have our son in OM's house for visitation. I refused to allow that to happen. WWL said that we don't have an agreement and I can't stop WW from taking him there. I said "Oh yes I can". My lawyer stepped in and said we'll schedule a hearing and I can explain to the judge why I won't let him go there, and we will probably be divorced before the hearing anyway.

Sounds like all I have to do is take on about $2500 in credit card debt, and give her $16000 and we are history. She is not fighting for custody. She will let me have our son and take visitation. I cannot believe that she would give her son up so easily. I really don't want to believe that she would do this to her son.

I know that it isn't really about the OP, but that SOB has some major influence on her, and is taking advantage of a sick person. I am beginning to think my mom is right. All he wants is our money. When he's done spending it, she will probably be history as well. I thought to myself, when the money is gone, and OM don't want nothing to do with WW anymore, I won't tell her "I told you so"

I spent 2.5 hours with my IC last night. She only charged me for an hour. She helped me alot. She told me something, and I remembered that it is on my tokens. To thine own self be true. She also helped me to find a way to stop giving WW my power. I do that way too much, and it only makes me feel bad. I understand that I still need to forgive myself for some of the things in our life that I feel guilty about. Guilt is a usless feeling.

As I was pulling up this site, my WW calls me, and wants to come over and get some of her stuff. I do not want to see her right now. I am angry, and I am tired. I need to go to bed. I said no, and she tried to make me feel guilty. Didn't work, I don't need any useless feelings today.

Gale, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I think she is so unstable right now that she couldn't possibly take care of him. So, if you can get out this easily and have full custody, would it be better to get it while the getting is good? Am so sorry that it came to this.

But I think you are right, that once she spends through the money her affair will crumble and she will have nothing left. That is when she will hit bottom and finally wake up.

The affair is already crumbling. I had a good 24 hours to deal with accepting the divorce idea. I went through the roller coaster of emotion at work last night. I prayed alot, and I believe that I was on my way to accepting the situation, and looking at the bright side of things. So, of course, I had to get a phone call today from WW. As I suspected, the relationship hasn't been very good. She doesn't want to be there, but she doesn't want to come home either. She just don't know what to do. I knew that he couldn't keep her on that pedestal forever, and that when it started to crumble, reality would start to creep in.

She called me this afternoon, and I really didn't want to talk to her. I was in an angry stage at the time, and I couldn't help but let her know how I feel about a few things. I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, just telling her that she is getting what she wants, so why call and try to make me feel bad. First, she wanted to know if she can come see our son tomorrow. I said sure. Then she wanted to talk to me about everything that is going on. After I calmed down a little, I started talking to her about what I believe she needs to do if she is ever going to find the happiness that she is seeking.

I went right back to what I said last summer about how if she gets this man out of her life completely, she will start to see things in a different light. She doesn't believe that she could ever love me again. I said that she shouldn't worry about that. Getting him gone, and getting over him is the first priority. Then, I told her, we can make an effort to save our family. I wasn't being pushy with her, just trying to get it through to her that I am probably the only true friend that she has, and I want to help her.

She has a major problem with me. She can talk to me fine on the phone, but when she gets in the same room with me the anxiety is almost too much to bear. I told her that if she doesn't put so much pressure on herself, and simply tries to be a friend, those feelings could ease.

I am not about to beg her to come home. I am concerned for her. I love her, and I want to help. We got off the phone, and a little while later she called back. She said that OM had called her, and said that he is going to "take off". Said that she can stay there as long as she wants, but he is going away. I don't fully understand what is going on, but I told her to just start packing her stuff. She said she was. I haven't heard from her since. They are quite possibly making up right now, and she could act as if our conversation never happened. I don't know.

My mom is not happy with me for even entertaining the idea of giving my WW a chance. I told her not to worry, as I don't have my hopes up, and I am not going to let her take advantage of me. She can stay here for a few nights if she needs to, but until OM is gone, she can't come home even if she wants to. I really don't know what will happen. I have decided that by Monday morning I will know whether I will divorce her, or we will try to recover.

I pray for God's will in my life, and the power to carry it out.

You promise not to leave your home for her again, ok? You just accommodate her insanity when you allow her to push you out of your own home.

I am thinking you are pretty close to Plan B, Gale. She is able to hang onto the remaining scraps of her affair because she knows in the back of her mind that you are there to catch her. You are still meeting a few needs of hers, but she won't know that until it stops. When it stops, the OM will expected to meet all her needs and that will likely be the last straw because he is surely sick of this crap. I don't think this affair is long for the road at all, but as long as you are there for her, she can hold out a little longer.

We could very well be divorced by the end of the week. I want to go PlanB immediately, but I won't be able to completely as all of her stuff is still here. Although, I will probably make an arrangement for my parents to be here, and I won't be when she get's her stuff.

I am hoping to make it clear that if we divorce, I intend to have nothing to do with her ever again. I intend to do a permanent PlanB. I am going to attempt to get that point across this weekend. By Monday the ball will be in her court. If she doesn't agree to NC, and working on the marriage, I will pursue the divorce with gusto. I am not getting any younger, and it has been way to long since anyone has thought about MY needs.

I guess I should say that until there is a significant other in my life, the door would probably be open to a change of heart on her part. It will have to be a total effort on her part though. I will not expect it, nor will I have my hopes up.

I have prayed about this, and I feel that this is the right thing to do. I will follow it up with a PlanB letter, but since the time is short, it will have to be delivered orally right now. I hope I can make her understand that if she doesn't end the affair now, I will have nothing to do with her after this weekend. I need to do this for me. I have to move on with my life, and concentrate on what is best for myself, and my son.

We were kids when we met each other. She was thirteen, and I was fifteen. I met her in line for a roller coaster. You would think that something special brought us together. You would think that perhaps we should have some special purpose for being together. I don't know. I really hate to end a relationship that has lasted for 26 years. I have loved her and I have hated her. I have been kind to her, and I have been cruel. I really hoped that we could have the opportunity to do it right for a change.

Oh, and don't worry. I will not leave my house for her anymore. I will not feed the insanity anymore.

Gale,

Protect you and your son at this time nothing else matters. She will have to experience life on her own and with OM to figure out the grass may not be greener on the other side.

We could very well be divorced by the end of the week.

Why would this divorce happen so quickly? Couldn't you give Plan B a little time before divorcing?

Her attorney is pushing really hard to just finalize everything. The motivating factor being that I will not allow my son to go to OM's house. Once the divorce is final, I will no longer be able to prevent her from taking him there, so she must have decided to just get it over with. I don't know that it will go as smoothly as they think. I do not like the wording of the dissolution agreement. I am certain that we will run into a few problems getting everything settled.

If the divorce goes through, I will do my best to prepare my son for what is coming. If she stays with OM, my son will have to visit every other weekend. I will not be able to prevent this.

Until then, I have done my best to make it clear to her that I will not be a part of her life at all if we divorce. She has held onto the idea that we will somehow come out of this as friends, and I am trying to get it through to her that I am done. It's PlanB until the divorce, and then total black out for the rest of our lives.

I will have to move on, and I am angry at her for that. I am prepared for moving on though. It has been a long time since I had someone that cared about me, and I am tired of waiting. If she is not willing to try, then I will just get busy living my life without her. This limbo has to end. So I will not try to slow down the divorce. I filed three months ago without the intention of taking it all the way. I am glad I did, as it allowed me to protect my son from the affair for this long. The affair is not in good shape, and I believe that she will really think about what she is doing.

I told her last night that I won't have anything to do with her after the divorce. She called me after she left, and told me that she would like to talk to our MC. I don't know if she is trying to buy time from me or not, but I am PlanB starting tomorrow. Regardless of her decision. I will end PlanB when she comes home, and agrees to NC.

Gale, Plan B is a whole lot more than just giving her the cold shoulder. It is COMPLETE seperation with absolutely no contact at all. Otherwise, it defeats the purpose and ruins your credibility in the bargain.

If you say you are cutting off communication, then you must be prepared to do that. Staying in contact to communicate visitation schedules will not work. So, before you go into Plan B, you have to iron out the visitation issues and designate an intermediary who can pass on any CRITICAL communications.

Secondly, this has to be entered via a Plan B letter. The plan B letter is critical to this phase, otherswise it just looks like you are giving her the cold shoulder; ie:punishing her. You do not want to give that message.

Rather, you want to tell her that you love her, but that her actions are eroding your love for her. Tell her you know you contributed to the problems in the marriage and, most importantly, give her a path back to your marriage. You tell her what she needs to do to unlock the door back into your marriage. Those conditions would be the end of her affair, end of all contact with OM, and a committment to repairing your marriage. In your case, your W needs counseling so that would be a condition.

So, please don't jump into Plan B. I think you should go into Plan B, but don't do it unless you are committed to doing it perfectly. Otherwise you just cause more harm than good. Many people try to cut corners on Plan B and it almost always fails and they end up living in misery. I just don't want you to have to go through that.

Here is a very good Plan B letter that will give you a good idea of what constitutes Plan B:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1143897

Thank you for the link. I did start writing the PlanB letter yesterday. I hoped to get it finished, but I ran out of time before I went to work. So, I obviously am not quite yet in PlanB. Believe me, I will heed your advise, and try to do it right. Whenever I talk to her, she seems to get the wrong idea about what I am saying, and I want to make it as clear as I can in the letter. I am rereading the section in SAA about PlanB, and I will make my best effort. I do want to give her every opportunity to change her mind, and I am afraid that she thinks I just want her out of my life.

I said that I would know if I would divorce or work toward recovery. I guess it comes down to I am going forward with the divorce, and still hoping for recovery. She thinks that I will have nothing to do with her after the divorce, as I have told her that if our marriage ends like this, we cannot be friends. In reality, I know that actually getting the divorce is not going to make me stop loving her. I know that the door is still open, and I would welcome her back in a heartbeat. At the same time, the divorce will open the door for me to allow someone else in. So is it really PlanB if I start dating? Not that I have any prospects, but like I said, I am not getting any younger. I know that I won’t be ready to start dating right away, and I will just have to trust God to lead me in the direction he wants me to go.

She has figured out my screen name, and I guess she is reading my posts. I had hoped that if she ever read them, she would be in the frame of mind to understand the spirit in which they were written. I really wish she would write her own post. I wish she would reach out to someone for help. She thinks that everyone is here about hating wayward spouses, and we are all here for our witch burnings.

Since I am not officially in PlanB, I spoke to her when she called me today. I guess I was making a last ditch effort to reach her. It is hard to talk to her and tell her what I think without it sounding like a lot of disrespectful judgments. I did my best to get the point across that I love her, and I want to help. But I cannot have any more to do with her as long as OM is in the picture. She thinks that I want to make her move back, and live under my thumb. She doesn’t find the prospect attractive. She says that she ought to go ahead with the divorce, take the money and establish a home for herself and our son, then wean herself off of OM. I told her she can’t wean herself off of OM any better than I can wean myself off of alcohol. It must be a clean break, quick and sharp. I do want to help, but I can’t if she won’t let me.

So, it looks like it is onward toward divorce. I am sick about it. But, I will take whatever comes my way. I will face it like a man, and I will pray that she does the right thing. For all of us.

Gale,

Would you mind sending me an email. I have some information to share with you.

Thanks.

BK

I swear, a man can't get a moments peace in this world. I wrote a planB letter last night. It is far from perfect, and I will not send it yet. I want to get it right.

So, I get woke up today by the phone. My WW wants to share with me that she has decided to move back to our town. It appears that some of what I have been saying is making sense to her. I am very happy to hear that she wants to come back and be with our son. I am happy that she has decided to move out of OM's also. She told me that she wants us to be friends, but she thinks that we should go ahead with the divorce. She feels that is the only way that she won't have to live by my "rules". Since she will be living here in town, she wants to be the primary custodian of our son, and share custody much like we did after she moved out, and before the affair came to light. She thinks that by doing this she can take care of her problems, and heal herself. Then, I don't know.

I listened carefully. I wanted to understand what exactly she was saying. I listened, and like I said, I was very happy about her decision. She never once mentioned OM. When we finally brought him up in the conversation, she insisted that she believes that she needs this man in her life right now. She has some notion that she is learning something from him. She is not willing to give him up, and thus the affair continues.

She promised that she would keep him away from our son, even after the divorce, as she said she doesn't believe that he belongs in our son's life right now. Yet she thinks he belongs in hers.

Now, I have not implemented PlanB. I have not sent her the letter, and I have not withdrawn. I had decided that I would go ahead with the divorce, and I am OK with that decision. I told her a long time ago that we cannot be friends if our marriage ends because of this affair. I believe this to be true. That's not to say that if the affair would end, even after the divorce, that I would not allow her to attempt a reconciliation. I also told her just this weekend that if OM remains in her life, then I will have to be out of her life.

So, she has made a step toward doing the right thing, yet she is still insisting on her addiction. I can understand. I have done the same thing many times with my drinking. I would try to give and give in all other aspects, but I would NOT give up the beer.

I suggested that we go back to simply getting a separation agreement instead of the divorce. I told her this because I will not willingly give her primary custody of our son as long as this affair continues. As long as the affair continues, she is not considering our son's best interest. She is not doing what is best for him. She said that without the divorce, she won't have the money to move back. I suggested that possibly the money could be allocated for that purpose. I also told her that if we get into a custody dispute, that money could well be burned up by the lawyers.

If she comes back to town, I will be happy to let him live with her part of the time. I work third shift, and he would be better off sleeping at his mother's house than sleeping at my mother's house. I want him to be with his mother. I still believe that I am considering his best interest though. And for that reason, I believe that I should have the decision making authority. So, we are not going to have a simple, problem free divorce. This could take some time. Another good argument to get the separation agreement.

Needless to say, she wasn't too happy with me by the end of the conversation. She told me that she had hope when she called me, and I took that away from her. I don't know what to say to her. I want her to come back, but I am not going to support the affair in any way. I will abide by what the court tells me to do, but other than that, I am working with a higher authority.

She doesn't want to live by my rules. What are my rules? End the affair. Get OM out of her life completely. Work with me to save our family. That's about it. She needs to understand that she cannot have us both.