What a thread!

I guess I'd take it to the CO at this point. They will meet up, it's almost a guarantee, unless stopped.

If he wants to leave the marriage, and she wants to leave hers, then they can have each other. But, they cannot have it both ways. They've been warned. They are being foolish, very foolish.

Put a tracker/key logger on the 'puter and turn her into the CO and Her H. CO 1st. H 2nd. Let both know that she is giving hotel directions to Other men!!!

She is a shame to the uniform. She needs to waddle in the mudpuddle and hope her H is smart enough to leave her there and escape with his family. Right now she nor the WS are qualified or deserve t/b with good families.

Love your moxie!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

So willsurvive - do I have this right: You have one message he sent to her. You have a couple she sent to him that he doesn't know about.

Seems she's in hotter water than he is, huh - as far as following orders? (Of course, you can't know whether they've communicated in another way.)

BURN HER! SHE'S A WITCH!!

Also, did your H give you the pass word for this account or not - I don't remember if you said.

WAT

the eluding to the hotel made me think thats where they have met before. eeewww.

you have handled this with grace so far....i think it is time to blow her out of the water personally! report her....

plus if she has deleted everything there will be no proof of your hubby contacting her...just her contacting your hubby....

WS,

Go to the CO first, let the chips fall where they may. Then call OWH.

The CO has been in your corner all the way so you at least owe him that much.

This is your life here, you are doing the right thing. This may be the wake up call your WH needs.

Good Luck! Hang in there you are doing great!

It's nice that she's got something right. (sarcasm)

I shouldn't be shocked, but I still can't believe she'd suggest a hotel after your conversation with her. Particularly since she has a clue that you're reading his email.

I agree with the others, CO first, then her H.

willsurvive, you are the definition of grace under fire.

In reflection, my apologies to any witches reading here. Sorry for the insult to associate you with this OW.

WAT

I just read your posts. Wow, you are doing everything right. GREAT JOB!! It is hard right now, but believe me, this is your best chance at recovery. Yes, tell, expose-you are fighting for your family.

My FWS later thanked me for standing by him. We have been in recovery for over 5 years.

Your H brought this on himself. The anger he is expressing is anger at the situation. (you're a mom, you took his toy away and now he's angry and not getting his way). In time he will realize the toy was going to hurt him and make him sick. He needs NC to withdraw from the OW. Yes, it is a drug.

Give it time. I just wanted to let you know that you are doing the right thing. Those who expose have better results because the fantasy gets blown right open, the affair is no longer a bubble. Love to you. We are all part of the BS family, so you are not alone. My prayers are with you.

Really, WAT, quit insulting witches with your comparison! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Yea, I know. It slipped.

BURN HER ANYWAY!!

WAT

Ok... I know I am supposed to go to CO. I'm still sitting on it. WH was REALLY upset with me because I stayed up VERY late with him and then was up early so he wasn't able to check the email that they have been communicating with.

As of right now, they have only been aware of a couple of emails to each other... all others have been intercepted by me. He sent one the first day (mostly a goodbye... but it was obvious that he isn't able to hold on that, huh?)

She replied back.

He has emailed her a couple of times since then that I wasn't able to get, because I was at MC and he was emailing back and forth with her. And then he called her.

Up to that point, he's been honest... with the exception of that he has access to HER email and they are communicating by sending emails to each other by sending it to herself (you know... send to your own acct so there was no record on another acct....)

I've managed to intercept any messages from her since then.... He hasn't emailed her since then (I do have a keylogger, which is how I have a record of HIS contact...) but he does check that email daily.....

My concern. If I go to CO, trust me, the M is pretty much OVER at that point. I'm wanting to simply wait to see if they actually meet (she is in OH right now) or if they give up (doubt it). The hotel: is here in town. I believe that is where they met before. Since she isn't HERE, I don't believe that they can meet. But, I've been wrong before....

The emails also condemn WH. It is obvious that they BOTH have broken the orders. And I don't know if I want to take that step yet. Fear, yes. But I'm looking at it as trying to give him just a little more time to get out of the fog. But I'm scared. Because if I do, then I worry for my family's money situation. Not just for WH's career, but for how we are to be provided for. That's what I'm worried about right now.

I've been great so far, but this last step... scares the crap out of me.

I want to go to her H and see what he can do. I've not spoken to him at all simply because of lack of opportunity and have only just gotten contact info for him.

I'd rather wait on the CO. Because he's already been reprimanded. Given the orders. And if I go to CO, then there WILL be a court martial. Yes, WILL. And he will lose everything... not that he seems to be terribly concerned about that right now.

This stinks. We're going on one week from him being given orders and he can't get his head out of his rear to think straight about this. I don't want him to lose his job. Because I know it will break US beyond repair.

I'm weak, I know. But I don't want to make any rash decisions. I'm trying to look at the ENTIRE picture.

What he told me is that he would leave because he doesn't love me "enough". That he knows that he can't have HER, but he still loves her. That he would be alone.

I don't understand how he can want to walk away. To leave his boys. I don't understand. He loves them... but how can he love OW more? Or so much that he can't bear to be around ME?

Here is the thing, will. They will not come out of the fog until contact ends. And, as you can see, contact is not going to end without the most extreme measures. They have been given an ultimatum by the CO, they ignored it. The OW was given yet ANOTHER warning yesterday, she ignored it.

Another warning from the OWH or you is not going to do it. They really believe they can get away with this and are fully willing to take this risk. They will simply continue by going further underground unless you take this step and stop them now.

And this will get worse as time goes on if you don't nip it in the bud NOW, will. He may very well lose his job. I am sorry about that, but that is a clear and INFORMED CHOICE that he has made. DO NOT PROTECT HIM FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS CHOICES. He knew the risk and WANTED to take it.

Unfortunately, you have to pay the price. If you do not bust them to the CO and kill this affair while you have the chance, his career will not be there for you to protect anyway, because you won't have a MARRIAGE to save.

Because he's not be rational.

Don't think of him as rational - aren't his actions recently proof enough of that?

WAT

Feeling a lot of despair.... I do NOT want to go to CO. I don't want this to be the end. If I do that... it IS.

I'm really scared. I don't think that is the right move right now....

What do I do?!? If I go to CO, then there would be NO chance at reconcilation. I know this in my heart. Call me weak, but I desperately want to hold onto what tiny glimmer of hope I have right now.

Should I go ahead and call OW H? I would so much rather call HIM first before going to CO......

Another thing... he has NOT contacted her since he admitted talking to her on the phone. It's been all on her end since then.

I know how hard this is for you It must be so scary to think about what will/might happen.

The problem is that their contact is all ready getting bolder. They think they are getting away with it and they aren't going to stop until it is made perfectly clear that this contact isn't going to be tolerated by you or by thier command. If you do nothing now, they will loose all fear/respect for what might happen to them and sink deeper into their fantasy fog. You'll loose your credibility.

You said to the OW "don't contact my H or I'll go to the CO" She's even acknowledged that. She's testing the waters to see if you really can or will do what you said. If she gets away with this, then it's just going to be that much harder later.

I know your H is going to be furious with you if you take this step. I know he'll have some pretty severe consequences. I also think that him enduring those consequences is a first, strong step in learning responsibility for his OWN actions. Generally, when people learn that what they do has consequences for THEM, they learn to stop blaming everyone around them for their 'lot' in life.

Be strong. Yes, it will look worse in the beginning, and it will be really hard to live through BUT it's as wierd as it sounds, this is the best way for you to recover your marriage. It's probably the best thing for you to do for your WH too. It sounds like he needs to learn that he doesn't live in some magic bubble where the rules of the universe somehow don't apply to him.

You can do this.


I know how hard it is to see right now, but going to the CO and letting them impress upon him his failure to follow orders is exactly the message your H needs right now. I've never served in the military but I grew up as a military brat and my father was in charge of a lot of people. Trust me on this one (military people, can you help here?) the Co will, in no uncertain terms, outline exactly how your H (not you!) failed to do what HE needed to do. If he's as good an officer as he sounds, he will not let your H leave that room unless he's able to understand in no uncertain terms that it was HIS DUTY, HIS RESPONSIBILITY, and HIS CHOICE.

That's a message that's priceless -- and your H can't hear that from you right now (he won't listen).

Go to the CO. Then tell the OWH. Then, take your boys out to the zoo, for ice cream, to a park, to the beach, to the mall or somewhere fun and try the best you can to relax. Or, if you'd feel better, find a friend to watch them and just take a long bath. Which ever one relaxes you most.

You CAN do this!!


Mys

WillSurvive,

I understand your feelings (and fears) at this point, but please, please, learn from my mistakes.

I did not recover my marriage and the #1 reason was incomplete exposure.

Your marriage will be over if you don't expose the rest of this to the CO now. You have no chance of seeing a fogless H or even recovering your marriage if contact continues. The longer contact continues, the more you let them bury your marriage. They have been warned by CO, who is more threatening than her(OW) H or you, and yet they continue. Your WH has NOT ended contact - sorry.

The ONLY chance you have is to continue exposure to CO and to do it as soon as possible with this new evidence.

I understand that it feels like you are hurting your chances for recovery, but the opposite is true. Unfortunately, you won't see that for yourself until after the damage has been done and you are divorced. So please, regardless of what your insides are telling you, listen to the experts, listen to those who made mistakes and regret them, and expose to CO right away.

will, you HAVE no chance now. There will be no reconciliation as long as this affair continues. Your H and his OW have shown you that the threat of the loss their career, family, marriage and a COURT MARTIAL will not stop them. Just that THREAT will not suffice for them. They are bold and brazen and have demonstrated they will go to any length to pursue this affair.

As long as they are able to get away with this, there is no hope for your marriage, will. Your H will continue because he knows he can get away with anything. Since he got away with before, he can get away with it again. If he is allowed to continue in this belief, your marriage really is hopeless.

Your H and the OW made an informed choice, will. You did not make it for them. They have CHOSEN court martial. Please do not protect the OW another minute. Give her what she has CHOSEN.