Things have been a bit tense on the boards lately, so I figured I'd put up a little humor. I know we have a number of active-duty and former active-duty military posters, so they'll probably enjoy this the most, but I bet it could be applied to the corporate world as well. Enjoy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The Brass
(As Seen By Most People)

ADMIRAL
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Gives policy to God

CAPTAIN
Leaps short buildings with a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God

COMMANDER
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is faster than a speeding BB
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools
Talks with God if special request chit is approved

LIEUTENANT COMMANDER
Barely clears quonset huts
Loses tug of war with locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occassionally addressed by God

LIEUTENANT
Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotives
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals

LIEUTENANT (JUNIOR GRADE)
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can stay afloat if porperly instructed in the use of a mae west
Talks to walls

ENSIGN
Falls over door step when trying to enter building
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Wets self with water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to self

CHIEF PETTY OFFICER
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God