Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
TroubledH #1728159 09/05/06 09:47 AM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Quote
No need to deal with the minions when I can deal with the leader.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

? minions ?

you have NO IDEA how incorrect this assumption is !

Pep

TroubledH #1728160 09/05/06 11:45 AM
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 778
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 778
I have been indifferent to you from the get go. It is only your wife and her children that I feel for. As for your wife, if she was here and said she wanted contact, I would, as I have always in the past supported her 100%.

You are are perfect example of why women should not waste their time crying and to get moving with a plan for their future and what it is they want. Cause it is ow driven crap that you spew that knives the family in the back more.

As for insulting the others on here, what a rude and condescending thing to say to them. But considering you show the emotional maturity of a gnat, it is hardly surprising. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LynnG #1728161 09/05/06 12:26 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
to be called a minion by someone I spent my time & energy trying to help recover his marriage is like a sudden slap!

how <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> rude!

Pep

Pepperband #1728162 09/05/06 12:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
Hello Pepper,

You were not the intended target of that comment.
Kimmy has a great deal of repect for you, as I do for her,
so in this case I will simply plead NO-Contest.

Unlike Lynn, inanutshell, or familycomesfirst, I had always felt you were trying to help me.

The minions I refer too are those simply wanting to express anger or hate or justify thier years of thinking. I would lying if I said there words did not cause me to think from time to time, however for the most part, I belive they have an agenda to promote.

I did ask MrsTH about the comments she made here. We had a lot of conversation about it. I am not in a postion to speak for her, so if and when she ever decides to take the time to post again, she can let you all know how she thinks things are going.

Lynn,

Quote
what a rude and condescending thing to say to them

Pot calling the Kettle black wouldn't you say?

Besides, if they are simply going to spout that same venom as you, it just plain easier to deal with the worst of the bunch.

TH

TroubledH #1728163 09/05/06 12:51 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Quote
You were not the intended target of that comment.


nevertheless .... unacceptable

Pep

Pepperband #1728164 09/05/06 01:13 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
Quote
nevertheless .... unacceptable

If your going to apply the "unacceptable" label to me. Then you should at least be fair and call it out for a few others as well!

Sorry Pepper, I will stop this silly "fight club" now.
This is not doing anybody any good.

TH

TroubledH #1728165 09/05/06 02:33 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 735
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 735
Quote
Unlike Lynn, inanutshell, or familycomesfirst, I had always felt you were trying to help me.

The minions I refer too are those simply wanting to express anger or hate or justify thier years of thinking. I would lying if I said there words did not cause me to think from time to time, however for the most part, I belive they have an agenda to promote.

TH

Yes, you are right, we'd rather help your W. And as far as that second paragraph... right back atcha. You've promoted your agenda since day one. You threatened your wife with a D if she didn't immediately consent to C. You laugh in the face of people who have been down your road and back again. All you see it is as they are projecting their hate??? You only want to hear from people who will pat you on the back. Well, that won't happen here. It's obvious you want to be seen as the hero because you stayed in your M and you are taking such a huge risk <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> that your wife will MEET YOUR NEEDS (which was all you could talk about when you got here, not much mentioned about her needs AT ALL.)

The true hero here is your W. And if you think people are promoting an "agenda" because they support her. All I have to say is YOU WOULD think that... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Pep- I agree - unacceptable. Yet, there is a chinese phrase which fits Mr TH very well in this insult delivery - if the "gift" is not received, to whom does the gift belong?" The insult tells us much more about the man than about those he directs his comments to.

Mr TH has been condescending, arrogant and prideful in his approach to the betrayed spouses on this web site - especially those who would challenge his attitude and seek to bless him with the gift of humility that could heal his marriage, and make it stronger. Apparently, he only seeks to be "right". How truly sad for him the wasted opportunity to truly learn how to BUILD his marriage... He probably doesn't know that in order for him to truly find joy in his marriage, he would have to set aside all pride and arrogance, and find empathy for his wife - but pride and arrogance prevent the development of that skill.

I think the best response to this man is the same I would give a teen with a foul mouth - limited attention. As he once told me - if I would change my delivery he might take me seriously... An apology for his recent delivery would be a good start.


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
TroubledH #1728167 09/07/06 07:24 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Quote
If your going to apply the "unacceptable" label to me.

not YOU per se
but
your behavior
is what I find
unacceptable

change your behavior
and be a happier man

Pep

Pepperband #1728168 09/07/06 07:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
Hi Pepper,

Well if I am going to get scolded, I will accept it from Kimmy and You.

If I have personally offened you, then I am sincerly sorry.
It was NEVER my intent.

I may be a lot of things, but ungrateful is not one of them.
Like Kimmy, I know you reached out to me with the real intent of helping me and my M.
.
I know I didn’t follow all your advice, but I ALWAYS considered what you had to say.

Regardless of what you may think of me, I AM gratefull for the efforts you took.

You may not see it or believe it, but My W and I are doing much better. With Gods help I know we will make it the long haul.

I regret my participation in this circus of a thread and allowing it to get out of hand. I should have been a bigger person.

TH

TroubledH #1728169 09/14/06 03:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270
Mr. TH, I wish you and your wife the best...I would like to comment on the "minions" part....

I have said this a billion times...just because I agree with Lynn, does not make me some kind of follower....she says things bluntly, and as a BS...that's what you need...total, complete, blunt responses...no BS (not Betrayed Spouse)...I had enough of that from my H. I needed someone to tell me to get a hold of myself, to get my act together...I needed that sincerely...and I thank her for it. She's been dealing with this for a long time, and I THANK her for taking her time to help me.

When she said that she is not anti OC, but....I couldn't have agreed with her more. There is no politically correct way to say that the OC is not my first priority, never will be. I come before the OC...my family comes before the OC.... My friends, even some of my co-workers...come before the OC. I have no shame in saying that. Just because we are talking about a child doesn't make the stitch different and make me some horrible ogre, because bluntly, I could care less. I don't say that to be mean or rude, I say that because its the truth...and its the truth for me without Lynn backing it up or not. My thought process is very similar to Lynn's...I'm just not as good with words. I try though, and I'm not a "minion", I'm me.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
crazyhurt #1728170 09/15/06 11:51 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 179
CH,

I can tell the difference between those who are simply interested in throwing insults back and forth, and those who were trying to help. I don’t remember you throwing stones at me. I have not bothered to look back and verify, nor do I plan to. Just for the record, I don’t consider a difference of opinion to be an attack. It just a difference of opinion

I thought I had "got inline" by asking my W how she really felt. I have done this on more that a few occasions prompting the W to say "ENOUGH!". "I have already told you OK"

My W concern was about where I placed her(the W) in the priority list. When I told her that I want to be with her and that I will do all I can to fill her needs and to be the H I should be. That was enough for her to agree to continue contact.

It's been obvious for a long time that Lynn and a few others don't agree with me on the OC issue. Fine, I can live with that. Like them, I am not going to lose any sleep over what other people think or say.

If you want to know how I really feel, then here it is:

MY DAUGHTER, LIKE MY SONS, IS NOT JUST SOME KID IN THE PARK.
It is legitimate and justified that I have real concern for her and want her to be a part of my family JUST LIKE MY SONS. She is NOT an INTRUDER in my home, SHE IS MY FLESH AND BLOOD. She like my sons is a human being and it was beyond her control as to how she came into this Earth. She deserves the same love and affection from her parents as any other child. For me this is not about placing her ahead of my sons, this is about having her considered equal. In the family I grew up in, no one was left behind for social reasons or convenience. I can easily say this without shame or worry about political correctness.

I will do my best to carry the bulk of the shame for the ACTIONS that I DID. That SHAME should not be carried over to her or any other member of my family. If others wish to stick their nose up at me, or any of my family, I will be more than happy to stick my middle finger out to them and tell them where they can “shove it”. I’m working on being the “kinder, and gentler TH” :-)

If Lynn has helped you, that’s GREAT, I’m happy for you, Kudos to Lynn. As far as me, my experience has been MUCH different. I hope you will understand.

The comment about the "minions" was basically a strategy to deal with only one deliberate insulting detractor at a time, and blow off the rest. If all the others were simply going to continue to just throw out insults one after another, then why not just deal with whom I think is the worst? It was not intended for those who were blunt, but sincerely trying to help. It is not difficult to see the difference.

When I saw that Pepper was offended, it made me think that this tread was silly and just an “insult fest”. In addition, it was detracting from the real purpose of this site. We are not here to throw insults and names at each other, at least that is not the reason I originally sought this site, nor is it the reason I still post here and at SB.

I will offer a sincere apology for the “minions” statement to those who honestly felt they were trying to help me; you were not the intended target. Even if Lynn and a few others feel that they fit this category, then it would be extended to them as well.

I know many here have issues about how I went about things. In hind site, I see that I should have done a few things different. However the result so far has been mostly calm and security. That was the intended goal.

I am grateful to God and my W that our family is still together. I love my W and ALL my children.

TH

TroubledH #1728171 09/15/06 03:10 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270
Mr. TH, point taken.

I really don't think that anyone downs you for your love of your daughter...I don't. My concern is and will be your wife. She too didn't ask for this...and I relate to her feelings more than I relate to your feelings for the OC...that's not a put down, that's just how it affects me. I really think that when you first came on...you were more gung-ho about the OW...and sometimes that is hard to deal with...especially here. I'm routing for you and your W and if she's happy with how things are going...then more power to you.


April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.

My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
Page 7 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,365 guests, and 74 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5