My husband and I have been married for only four months and we have been separated for three weeks! Since then, I have learned a great deal of things that have gone wrong throughout our relationship. I have taken ownership of hurtful things I have said and high expectations which were not spoken of, just assumed. Since the separation, my husband has completely changed. He does not think that we could do this together anymore...his hurt has not subsidded. Instead, he's going out with his friends and being productive in his work by just pushing marrital issues aside and focusing on whatever else.
I am working on myself as well. Working hard at work and working out, but I really want him to come back home. I understand that I have to step back and let him make choices, but its only been 4 months since we've been married!! I really feel as though I am loosing him. He is not as hopeful and does not have the same love in his eyes as he used to. I understand that marriage is work and people just have to get through things together, but his parents divorced when he was very young and does not have relationship role models.
Is this just how men deal with hurt? How long should I just "back off?" and when does it come time to make decissions? We are talking to a marriage conselor, but I dont think her therapy style works well with my goals. She advises us not to talk as much and continue to live separately. I dont like it at all. I want us to start over and try our best for this marriage!! I love him very much and am trying very hard not to act needy but I do miss my husband very much.
There is also the worry that he has shown me that he can disconnect his emotions so strongly. This is a side of him that Ive never seen. He is in such a state of confusion. He says, "I dont know if I want to be married anymore, we'll just have to find that out from our conseling." This hurt me more than anything. Sigh, is he saying this out of hurt emotions or logic? I suppose its a good sign that he is still willing to go to therapy together right?
Last edited by ssue; 08/24/06 05:43 PM.