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I will say that I probably shouldn't have included your name specifically in my post 2Be.
Whatever I Feel About your postings and then actions,
I could have had the same message ......with out calling you out by name.
(Cause actually, by inserting your name ....it appears I ONLY meant to address you ....when I actually was addressing anyone with the same belief).
That was wrong of me and I do apologize ........I will go and edit out that part now.
However,
guess I did react to you for a couple of reasons.
One,
your going back on what you had Said you would do.
Then saying you were basically done here ........but THEN pretty much jumping on any thread with this topic and posting away.
Not your problem, but just rubbed me the wrong way.
Mostly because I was very impressed that you Could/Would decide to Do what I would have wanted for my W's CLB 's Wife to DO for me.
Guess I let my disappointment get ahead of my fingers.
{edited -forgot to put in bold}
Last edited by top rope; 08/29/06 04:59 PM.
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Honestly, I have to smile to myself at some of these threads where so many people so adamantly argue what the higher moral / ethical / responsible duty is...
What I want to know is how many of you people reading and arguing your point on this thread right now are doing this from your job? In other words, you’re being paid by someone else to do something else, but you’re here arguing ethics – is that moral / ethical / responsible?
Gotta go – coffee break is over…
YS
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Thanks for the top post Top Rope.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Nope..no POJA MrsW....No...I'm doing fine. My marriage is better than ever...Just FINE and JUST dandy MrsW....How are you? Is this eating at you? Doing well 2B, thanks for asking! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> No, your personal situation does NOT eat at me...But I do care...And it's pretty obvious by the amount of time that you have spent posting on this particular facet of your affair that you do too...I suspect you care a great deal more than I do, in fact, since it is your life and marriage that we are talking about here... I will tell you what I saw happening when you posted that you were going to tell OMW, and I said this to Mr. W on the very day that you posted it...You care DEEPLY what people think of you 2B, and you very much wanted to "fit in" here and that is the reason that you ever posted that you were going to tell in the first place...Now, of course, you may choose to dismiss this notion here, and I'm certain that you will...But you really should give it some deep thought, because I have observed this need to be liked...to be a people pleaser, if you will, to be VERY common amongst WS/FWSes...myself included...I believe it to be a key element in why you chose to have your affairs... Anyway, something to think about... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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What happends without exposure to the Op's spouse?
.... sometimes, even after years ... the affair resumes .... and voila' .... you have an opportunity to write a THIRD NO CONTACT letter to the OM (as in Suzet's case) .... but still .... no letting OM's wife know ....
danger danger danger
here is my response to that decision....well
I am disappointed
but certainly
not
surprised
so your BH was a job-site "whisle-blower", who was willing to sacrifice his position at work in order to "do the right thing"
where is that "whistle-blower" fellow today ? The guy who stands up for what is right?
instead ... he plans to threaten to blow the whisle ... if the OM tries to make another love connection with his WANDERING-WIFE who he ADORES !!!
Does this seem incongruous to anyone else that a once-cuckold husband would NOT take ACTION to extinquish the infidelity flame 100% when given the chance ???
seems extraordinarily odd to me
Suzet* hunny ... did you argue the point HARD & furious with your BH that exposure to the OM wife would put a nail in the affair coffin & that zombie would never walk again?
How hard did you fight for exposure Suzet* ???
I am wondering ... if I took a poll here and asked the betrayed men what they would prefer to do in this circumstance ... what percentage would answer ... do nothing but "threaten" at the next invasion into his home .... strange ... smells like your BH is not the "whisle-blower" when it comes to standing up for his own marriage .... how odd !
It seems to me Suzet* ... that by agreeing to non-exposure ... your BH has agreed to leave YOU vulnerable ... why does he not choose to PROTECT HIS WIFE ????
what did you do to influence this Suzet* ???
Your back is NOT protected here.... no ... it is not protected at all.
Pep [b]why ... oh why would a betrayed spouse deliberately choose to leave their spouse vulnerable to more contact???????? leave that vulnerability exposed ??????? why why why why makes NO sense which means nonsense Pep
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actually Pep... in a lot of cases on this board... it makes perfect sense to me. I have seen many a BS spouse here (usually men) that are so distraught and weak from the experience of the A that they are afraid to demand anything from their WP's. They seem so happy to just have their partner back that they allow themselves to be snockered into not exposing the A to the OMP.
I see the lack of efforts on the part of the FWS to insist that it is imperitive to notify the OWP as nothing short of manipulative. Some have come here and claimed it was their spouses decision to not tell when they have driven the A bus right up to the door of secrecy. I doubt that there would be more than a very few BS that would opt to not expose if their FWP spoke of the need to do just that. It is all too convenient on the part of the FWS (or WS) to say it was their partners decision... but it is really funny that very few of those partners ever make it to these boards.
Just an observation.
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I see now, by your own admission, that it was just a phony act. Mel, I'm sure it seems like a "phony" act to you. I can tell you I was acting on my emotions from the pressure you all were putting on me (in addition to some other stresses in my life). You don't think your words have that effect on people? They do, and you know it. And the posts I pasted are from real BS that were hurt from an affair just like you. They don't promote affairs. It's just a different viewpoint. It doesn't suit you and I knew it wouldn't suit you and I'm not asking that it suit you. But there are many different viewpoints on this Mel, and for some reason you feel you are justified in your treatment of others when other viewpoints don't match up to yours. Top Rope, thanks for the apology. MrsW, I didn't post that I was going to send that letter to "just fit in". Funny, but I do see that you have a need to fit in here. I've seen it over and over again by your posts. I see it by the words you choose. I see it by how you try to tell people that you like them because you think they are "intelligent". You want people to like you here, and that's fine. Nothing wrong with that. I'm letting this go and heading out of here. Sorry for the interruption.
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bye... adios... ciao...sainara
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MrsW, I didn't post that I was going to send that letter to "just fit in". Funny, but I do see that you have a need to fit in here. I've seen it over and over again by your posts. I see it by the words you choose. I see it by how you try to tell people that you like them because you think they are "intelligent". You want people to like you here, and that's fine. Nothing wrong with that. Well 2B, I admitted to you that by nature I am someone who likes to be liked so your "insight" seems less than clairvoyant here... Please understand, however, that there is a DISTINCT difference is WANTING to be liked and NEEDING to be liked...That is something that I have come to realize in all of this... FWIW, I do see your failure to expose to OMW as some form of continued loyalty to OM...The need for the fantasy of him seeing you in a positive light...The feeling that you get from knowing that he may still long for you-and you KNOW that he does based on his trying to contact you in May of this year...I see this in you rather clearly, in fact...Whether you choose to even admit it to yourself or not... Good Luck, Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Mel, I'm sure it seems like a "phony" act to you. I can tell you I was acting on my emotions from the pressure you all were putting on me (in addition to some other stresses in my life). You don't think your words have that effect on people? They do, and you know it. No, it doesn't SEEM phony, it[/i] IS phony by your own admission. There was never any pang of "conscience," that was a phony act. You never intended to tell your victim. You pretended like you were acting on your "conscience" and you were doing no such thing. It was just a dishonest attempt to pimp some approval, by your own admission. So, there is no "seem" about it. It WAS phony. And the posts I pasted are from real BS that were hurt from an affair just like you. They don't promote affairs. It's just a different viewpoint. It doesn't suit you and I knew it wouldn't suit you and I'm not asking that it suit you. They are stupid viewpoints that serve to protect the affair at the expense of the marriage. They advocate against exposure and only help the wayward spouse hide their affair. They are PRO-AFFAIR. Exactly the same thing that you and your pro-affair friend, IWRA, have advocated here for months for self serving reasons. You are like the drug dealer who advocates against wiretapping. At least you have dropped the pretense, 2Bnormal, and by these carefully selected quotes have admitted that you simply don't believe a spouse should know at all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MrsW....I noticed this "need" of yours...long before you posted this today.
As far as the OM...my H told him exactly how I feel about him when he called him in May. My H told him that I want NOTHING to do with him ever again. I told my H to give the OM details of things that the OM told me so that the OM would be sure I wanted nothing to do with him. My H told the OM that he KNOWS ALL and that we are happy in our marriage. My H did a pretty good job of bursting his "fantasy". I have NO loyalty to this disgusting man...so you are wrong about that.
Thanks for your observations...but you are way off.
Take care.
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are you still here? don't you have to get back to your never been happier M?
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MEDC - I'll make this easy...QUIT commenting and I'll go away! Thank you.
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All phony, all FAKE, all admitted BULLCRAP: 2BNormal#3058622 - 07/17/06 05:47 AM
I couldn't stop crying! It was then that I told him that the OM1's W NOT KNOWING has been weighing heavily on me too. I told him what happened on MB and how I just don't know what the right answer is. He told me that if this is bothering me so much, then I must have my answer and we should tell her. We talked about praying over this for a few days before proceeding. And we also talked of different ideas on how to tell her.
I've spent much time in prayer and the very next day I read this verse in
1 Peter 3:13-15
Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord......
It left me crying as I felt God was telling me...."What and who am I afraid of for doing what is right? And for doing what pleases Him?" All contrived to get attention. She reveled for days in the kudos from other members for doing the right thing. She then started up another thread asking for input on a letter to the OMW. All fake. All phony. All contrived to pimp some attention and approval.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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bye, bye. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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NO!
It's funny to watch the last word try to get had by posters...you have to come up with better challenges!
Arm wrestling is taken.
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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2BNormal wrote: #3080074 - 08/14/06 06:05 "My H has advised me to stay away from here after all that has happened recently with IWRA. I will never respond to IWRA personally again either. This will be my last post on MB."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MrsW....I noticed this "need" of yours...long before you posted this today. Ok 2B and I have FREELY admitted my weaknesses and am doing all that I can to change what I have the power to change...The same is quite obviously not true for you... Key difference in you and I here, I have NOT started and/or threadjacked COUNTLESS threads regarding my own personal situation-and then done NOTHING to change said situation...I am NOT the attention freak that you seem to be... But you go ahead...Keep on rationalizing and justifying away...Your situation remains the same, your victim remains in the DARK...I understand where you stand very clearly... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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When talking about exposure...
We often mention the spouse...
We often mention the spouse of the affair partner...
We mention the children, the family, the church, the community...
If you cannot (will not) see the harm your actions have brought to OTHERS... and have the potential to continue to bring...
If none of that touches your soul... how about this:
What about SELF?
Can you live with YOURSELF?
How long can that kind of secret live before it eats away at you and turns into diseases of the body, mind and spirit?
If you only care about yourself -- exposure is STILL the right thing to do. To save yourself.
And if you're very blessed, very lucky, or a little of both, you will help others to heal, as well.
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