I just read your other thread (thanks for re-posting that link -- the first one didn't work for me either!).

There is a very big clue in your first post. You asked him why he talked to her and he said it was "fun."

Does he have FUN talking to you?

Maybe you have stopped flirting with him. Maybe you have lost your ability to laugh and joke with each other. I know things change when you have other responsibilities, but your greatest responsibility should be to each other. To meet each others needs.

I guarantee that it itsn't FUN to talk about the affair, its not FUN to talk about the relationship, its not FUN to have someone demanding, begging, crying, etc.

So get a grip on yourself -- part of your Plan A should be to initiate FUN conversations with your husband.
Flirt with him.
Admire him.
Stroke his ego.
Joke, laugh, have some FUN.

I would consider implementing this immediately. Don't confront him -- continue to monitor him, and see if you are able to meet this need for him. If you can, OW doesn't stand a chance! I bet if he's getting this from you, there will be no need for him to contact her.

Yep - we're think skinned. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Especially Mel. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, we know what you're going thru, but we also know how too much emotion can wreck your best efforts.

Channel your efforts into your Plan A - figure out all the bad juju you brought to the marriage - no matter how insignificant.

WAT

told him 2 months ago that I wouldn't bring it up again, as long as he promises not to talk to her again and never lie to me and we both agreed on not do anything that might hurt the other.

Your going to have to take this back...

this is the kiss of death to a marriage....

its beyone unrealistic...the agreeing not to do anything that might hurt the other...

you need to tell him that you two must discuss and process this marriage.

That you desire a marriage based on honesty and intimacy in which things are not brushed under the rug...

Ever try to live with a huge elephant living in the house and no one talking about it....

this is an unexceptable promise made out of desperation..

you deserve better
he deserves better

and to rebuild a true marriage it can not stand as is..
ARK

So, I should bring it up, calmly tell him I know he is talking to her and I want our marriage to work, so he should stop. There is no way he will send her a letter, he thinks that she was his Friend, nothing more, I know he wouldn't do that because he doesn't want to embarass himself. We live in Kuwait, he is Kuwaiti, she is too, this is a whole different culture I am dealing with. The majority of you guys say to confront him, tell him I know. Then what? I just say I know... don't deny it and I want to move on? I told him I wanted to move on,,I don't want to dwell on it. How can I not fight about this when he will just say ök, let's move on and I want to talk about it and he doesn't.

OK dvngirl..

think bigger..
think globally..

inspite of culture
inspite of of your fear....

do you imagine being married to someone with you can not communicate with.......

is that the type of marriage that is acceptable to you.....

you have a husband contacting third party people....

is that acceptable in your world...

if it is not...then you have to change....

are you saying that it is more important to stay married to someone with whom you can not discuss such important details with.....

or to atleast try to create a world in which you two can communicate......

what is it that you are afraid of..
cause I would be afraid of being married to someone who says the only way they would stay with me would be to never have to talk about such vitle things his infidelity....

I wouldn't CHOOSE for me that life.....

ARK

I do not want that kind of marriage. I don't want him to hide things and lie to me. I guess I'm afraid that if I confront him and tell him I know he talked to her, that may have been the only time on messenger, then he will know that I have something on the laptop for spying. I don't know if he talked to her on the phone, if he did he for sure deleted all traces of it. He is being really sweet, normal, acting like nothing is up... should I continue to spy and get more evidence, or just come right out and tell him? I know I keep asking the same thing, but I'm really confused. Thanks everyone for your advice.

Post deleted by *Blondblossom*

I have the feeling...that's how I found out in the first place, things just weren't right. The problem is, he never thought it was a 'big deal' from the beginning, he said I was over reacting and he knew I would be angry if I knew he talked to her, but he didn't know I would be that angry. I live in a foreign country, my only option would be to kick him out of our room and make him sleep in the living room. I want to ask him if he is hiding anything from me, people told me not too, just come out and say I know you talked to her again. Where do I go from there? I know him, he will say, after dening it, that he is sorry, will not do it again and then expect me to drop it, that's what happened the first 3 times I caught him talking to her. I need something more, to make him realize that I will not put up with it. He thinks he only talked, so it's nothing. I can't think of anything else after I saw the MSN chat, even though it was innocent, stupid chat, I can't understand why he would start talking to her again. Should I not ask him these things? One person told me to say I know he talked to her and that broke the NC he promised me and ask if he is with me or against me, but I have to understand WHY he would start talking to her again.... Shouldn't I sit and make him answer my questions?

I don't know why I waste my time to reply............

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
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