Good remembering, Pep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And yeah, I can bet too, 'nada' about that...

I think they consider it "the past that should be forgotten" the same as their affair... "hon, just close your eyes and forget it, simply delete all of that from your memory, and continue like nothing happened"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Believer,

Ok, I admit it. This post made me laugh and it made me sad.

I started laughing at
OK, how many W's has he had? Has he been married to the entire female population? Or ...

I often wonder what makes people say the things they do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The sad part is the tug on your heart. I would guess there is a part of you that would want to take him back just to PROVE... But, I think you realize that this relationship would probably go one of two ways. You would feel he owes you and he would as well, which would lead to an unbalanced marriage. OR he would feel he owed you little other than being there, and that would lead to deep resentment on your part.

Neither situation is a healthy one. I realize you have stated that you are not going back, and I would agree, but still there are those "What if's" aren't there?

To quote the Moody Blues or at least use one of their titles: "It is a question of balance." If you don't have it, no matter what you feel, think, or want it is unlikely to work.

I think in this case you are one the right course. Who is to say what happens in the years to come. Perhaps, things will balance out if you two remain in some contact. I cannot see the future, but now??? No, I think its too late for this marriage.

God Bless,

JL

Who is to say it is too late. Only Believer. She has said as much and that's fine. She is happy with her current life.

Some people do reconcile even after they've been divorced several years.

Most would have said that same of my marriage, that it was too late and too much had happened, and yet our marriage is thriving today.

My FWH continues to reassure me of his commitment and boundaries.

Hi JL - to him it might be "every good boy deserves favor."

He thinks he's now a good boy.

More likely, he's on "the other side of life."

WAT

Believer,

IMO, you would be the best wife just about any man could have.

So, why does he have to have a wife anyway? Is he incapable of living on his own?

I’m with Pep about the $$$$.

He probably needs more now.

With prayers,

Think the Harley had anything to do with it?

Hi [[[[[[[ B ]]]]]]]
I've just got back from a trip up to the far north and fell asleep at the computer and just saw this update.

I'm sad it came way too late for you. However I suspect there is still some pain and loss involved in it all even now for you.

I do so hope and pray that you find true happiness and have a full and enjoyable life, with or without a partner. You truly deserve it


with Love

AW

WAT,

You said
Perhaps, it is true old "Moody" one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

JL

Hey, I'm the Moodiest dude around!

I think this one's more appropriate here, from believer's viewpoint:

"Who are you now?" - Justin Hayward and John Lodge, 'Blue Jays'

"Who are you now?
First love of mine.
If you could see
You'd reach out for me.

In hallways
And in secret doorways,
Were love's hiding places
With nowhere to go.

Goodbye
To the fields and byways.
I remember saying
I don't want to leave,
Cos you were all there was to know
About me.

Somewhere
On this crazy island
A familiar stranger
Sleeps so far away.
Wonder in the eyes of children
And the smile of fortune
Helps the memory fade.
Cos they are all there is to know
About me.

Who are you now?"




-ol' 2long

Believer,
Are you even remotely interested in working on the marriage?

You always seem so strong in your posts and you seem to have moved on w/your life but........

is there a small part of you that would want to reconcile?

Or, is it just the satisfaction of the A finally falling apart and him realizing what he's lost or........

is it for him that the A fell apart and he figures he'll just come back to you, pick up the pieces and resume your M?

believer,

Has he told anyone else what an #sshole he has been? Have you heard from a third party that WS has been telling people that HE made a big mistake?

In other words, has he fallen on his sword?

No, the other one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Dear Believer,

Me thinks u summed it all well here. See when an Xws realizes he is an Xws, the choice then is up to the BS whether she/he wants the Xws back. Often it is 'as is'. Basically even 'as is', isn't good enough for you and it shouldn't be. As posted the question is: WHERE'S THE $$$$$.$$?

So even his 'back as is' c/b a fraud. People do strange things in the name of $$.

Be happy and safe. He will have to live with his choices and his regrets. That's his problem.

Sometimes here we see some who live on our island and even with the best of opportunities still choose to live in the street. Most get to live on the beach....such a hard life eh? Still for some it is their choice. You can tell the difference by their 'attitudes' and we try to help those who truly appreciate the assistance. It is given without asking anything in return but for them to move forward and extend the same kindness as has been shown to them. Then a lesson is learned by all.

Right now, your Xws doesn't sound like his 'attitude' is ready to learn a lesson. But you have and you are moving forward.

It is an honor to know someone of your integrity to what is what and your love for living life with a good attitude.

Hugz,
L.

(((Believer)))

What if...

"All of that pain for NOTHING."

isn't true and you're telling yourself the truth here...

"But he left me on my own so completely that I was forced to live without him."

and that the gift, worth a lot because it took a lot, was to see you thrive on your own...doing for YOU what you did for him for so many years...reaping your own rewards, knowing your value and worth...and this was the only way?

You could see this as a gift...taking what it took...and how many hundreds of lives you helped here at MB during those three years...by your choice to share...

What if nothing is wasted, ever?

"Now I love my life without him."

Maybe more than you did, fully and completely, with him...and how much it takes to tell yourself the truth...and live it.

You rock...and I think you know it. Wanna crow about it? Go ahead. You'll be loved anyway.

And I think, now, your nearly xWH is beginning the part of learning to live on his own...or not...which is where you were...so you know...and that's a beacon, a magnet, isn't it?

You're choosing differently...others can want and that's theirs. Not yours to fill because they want. Your choice. Huge lesson. Thank you for living and sharing it with us.

Guilt free.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

LA

I think I will change my advice and just tell people to forget about their spouse and make a good life. Sooner or later they'll be back. It's all of the stuff in the meantime that ruins any chance of reconciliation.

I am surprised too that after 3 years he is asking you to have him back. I have been divorced for 4 years. My ex (WH) and I don't get along very well. We talk out of necessity and that is it. My ex never really apologized to me, there was always the but at the end of the apology. Like his affair was biology and the affair was meant to happen.

You did good in telling him that you no longer would like to have him in your life. This is your time to move on and find yourself. Like the other poster said. If you took him back, would he go back to being the man that was deceitful and had many lies.

Divorce is difficult and yes it hurts children severely. My children are all adults and are moving in their own direction. I have gone back to school fulltime (which the ex would not allow me to go back to school). I am making it work, difficult, but making it work. Finances are not great...but one day I will do okay. The thing is that I have found myself and I am liking who I am. With the ex...he was not truthful to me or his mother. He lied to customers and I always had to make excuses for him. No longer do I have to deal with these situations that made me so nervous.

If my ex were to ask to come back...I would definitely say no. He still has the anger....and gets mad at his mother so easily. She still sees the same son. Even though he is in a religious group now...and was living in a commune. He says he is where he is at cause God said he needs to be there. But he still shows anger at his mother...and is a controller.

I love being able to do things for myself. I love going to school fulltime...and now I am going parttime to get my BS. I am going to look into a part time job...and my options are open.

You too...are finding yourself and working on yourself. This is the time for you to be you and enjoy life and enjoy yourself and your family and friends. You too can take up whatever is interesting to you. It could be a book club, exercise, college, art, music, etc. This is your time and enjoy it. God loves you very much and helps us when in need.
Take and enjoy your time and life. With all my Blessings.

Good morning! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you this morning! H and I went to our first bike rally in LIberty, TX. It was great fun. We had a good time!

Take care and best wishes!

Rin

Oh, How's the N enjoying the bike?

Hello "B", i am reading your post and i must say that you are truly an incredible person. Your husband is showing no respect in any way whatsoever. I am looking at the fact that they DO want to reconcile after causing so much pain.

I want to know if there are similar stories like yours where WS want to do the same.

This has made you wiser and smarter. I hope your children will want to imitate you.

Still believe in love. Be careful.

Pray for us who are still going through it.

Nuff luv from Jamaica.

007

[color:"red"] I love this! [/color]



[color:"red"]Pep [/color]

And I like this one:

"I think I will change my advice and just tell people to forget about their spouse and make a good life. Sooner or later they'll be back. It's all of the stuff in the meantime that ruins any chance of reconciliation."

Could not have said it better myself.

Wow, believer.
I'm continually amazed by some WS behaviour. I can truly understand how you feel though. I feel the same way. And my WS owe me lots of money and caused me lots of financial distress too. And has done simply NOTHING in the meantime.

And like you, I was forced to go on without him simply because I had to. Not that it's a bad thing. I still do enjoy doing lots of things on my own or with my friends. My identity has never been fused with his in a major fashion.

Your strength is an inspiration. I wish you more happiness ahead.

~A

...me, too, A.

Hi B,

How are things?...