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I never thought I would be back here, but here I am.

It’s been over a year since my FWW seen the other man, but tonight things didn’t add up.
She told me she was going out with friends after work and I found out she left work early and started having feelings I haven’t had in over a year. So, I called her and asked who she was with and She said her friends and started yelling at me like when she was seeing him last.

She said if that’s how I feel she’s not coming home and hung-up the phone and doesn’t answer her cell phone!

I left a message stating how we used to talk about everything and I would like to talk to my best friend.



Help Less Romantic, Confused but still in Love!

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Because the other man lives in another state, I called a few of the hotels in the area he would most likely would stay and found he is in town!

What do I DO NOW???


Help Less Romantic, Confused but still in Love!

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HLR...

This is very inappropriate and independent behavior on your wife's part...Time to start snooping again...What things have been going on to make you start having these feelings again?

Sorry you are back here friend...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Actually other than the lack of sex the last month nothing…is seemed odd that she told me yesterday she was going out tonight to visit a group of friends on a night they don’t meet and today she didn’t answer her phone at work and she didn’t call after work and when I called it went to voice mail. All of those things where the types of warning that where happening when she was having the A.


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HLRomantic #1742804 09/06/06 09:58 PM
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She feels I should trust her emphatically and sometimes I have questioned her and it makes her very sad.

Funny thing, I still want to believe her and know she’ll come up with some way of blaming me!


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HLRomantic #1742805 09/06/06 10:00 PM
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I’m really scared that this time we might not survive.


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HLRomantic #1742806 09/06/06 10:05 PM
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Do you have any idea where she might be hanging out? Can you go there and check now? I hate to say this HL, but it could be a different OM this time...

Btw, since your wife has proven herself to be untrustworthy, she most certainly shouldn't blame you for not trusting her...Trust is something that she must earn...And blame shifting is something that all waywards use in their quest for the high...Recognize it for what it is and don't accept it...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I know where he staying, should I call?
What should I say to her???


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In the past when ever I have had these feeling…she calls them feeling of insecurity and told me that it not very appealing to her.


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OKay, my take on this since this WW is making me angry for you.

Go to the hotel he is staying and see if she shows up. If she doesn't, won't you feel better?
You need to know.

Also, if she had the affair, she should accept, appealing or not, that you might need to confirm her wherabouts from time to time.
Is there radical honesty?
Transparency?

Are you afraid of her?

What does youre recovery look like?

I am sorry this is happening again. Get a level head and start investigating. You deserve--whether she is gonna tell you or not herself--to know what is going on.

Last edited by intexas; 09/06/06 10:25 PM.

BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.


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Quote:

I know where he staying, should I call?
What should I say to her???




You KNOW that OM is in town? If you know what room he is staying in and can be calm and not get yourself thrown in jail, why not go knock on the door, disguise your voice and say "management" or "maintenance"...When the door opens and you see or hear your WW, just say "I see" and then turn and walk away...You can decide later what you wish to do...

HL, if your suspicions are correct, do you really want your marriage to survive? What do you want?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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No, I'm not afraid of her. The hard part is I love her and she seems to use that to advantage.

Actually, I’m not sure if the had sex but I’m sure I’ll find out. I think they spent the day together and not sure if leaped back into bed.

It could be my call just pushed her to him. I thought of sitting at the hotel but that would just play into his hands having me wait there, I also thought of calling his room. But haven't decided and so far my best option has been talking here.


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OM's in town

Wife unaccounted for and previously hostile

= affair recommenced or possibly the dreaded "closure" bullcrap

I'd go to the hotel myself; but then I KNOW I can control my emotions.

I'd confirm my suspicion and leave.

WW either comes home immediately without my asking or demanding or I'd be pretty much done

Read or reread "love must be tough"

I wouldn't go through it again

I'd either take a month or so to prepare my divorce/custody case OR I'd go home, pack her bags and change the locks.

If you called the Harley's you'd likely get a more successful "plan" but that's not what I, personally, would do...I'd be done absent EXTREME and IMMEDIATE efforts on the part of my wife.

What good are boundaries if they are not firm after a year of recovery????

Simply, "Honey, I can no longer remain in a loveless marriage"

This is NOT your fault and YOU will make it HL.

Godspeed

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Quote:

It could be my call just pushed her to him.





NO...NO...NO!!! This about her SELFISH CHOICE...It has NOTHING to do with anything that you have or haven't done...Stop this line of thinking IMMEDIATELY!!!

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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HL,

Refresh me...Is OM married? Was your WW's affair exposed?

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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He's married and they both told me that it totally was over and he begged me not to tell his wife. I sent her an anonymous email but never spoke to her directly.


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Quote:

NO...NO...NO!!! This about her SELFISH CHOICE...It has NOTHING to do with anything that you have or haven't done...Stop this line of thinking IMMEDIATELY!!!





AGREE~AGREE! AGREE!!!

I really think you should go to the hotel--borrow a friends's car if needed, and observe. Do you know what he drives? You know what she drives--a car in the lot is enough proof. Though I would probably have to knock, too. But I, too, can control my emotions.

again, I am so sorry this is happening again.


BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.


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Quote:

He's married and they both told me that it totally was over and he begged me not to tell his wife. I sent her an anonymous email but never spoke to her directly.




You might want to call her again. She'll need to know hwat is going on--from you firsthand. SHe needs to know as well, and might give you info you need as well.


BW-me, 29
XH, 29
3 sons-now 6,4,2
Divorce final--Sept. 27, 2006.


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Quote:

He's married and they both told me that it totally was over and he begged me not to tell his wife. I sent her an anonymous email but never spoke to her directly.




Call OMW NOW!!! HL, you are a prime example of why affairs MUST be exposed...Dr. Harley advises that the OP's Spouse must ALWAYS be told...OMW could have been your greatest ally in maintaining No Contact...She can be now, if you choose to try and recover your marriage...Even if you don't, OMW MUST be told...Do not delay this another moment...Call her right now!!!

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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He would have a rental car, like I said I know the hotel and not the room number, the front desk connected me to he room earlier. I called to confirm he was in town and now I know he is, so let’s say I’m 99% sure she’s there.

Waiting in the lobby is not the answer.


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