Pep

can u try sending the link again? It's not letting me open it.

Thanks

I fixed it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Never mind, Pep

Ok Steph, I am gonna let this one slide and not make light of that innane comment. It only takes one sex act to get HIV or get lesions that will be on your genitals FOREVER. Your cheatiung hubby has already beat that mark by 100% so I would say he has increased his odds markedly. By the way, how do you even know for sure that it was only twice? Come on now....did he tell you that????

LM

I know, I know, I'm being naive. I don't want to have to face that fact, but I guess I have to. I'll talk to my H tomorrow.

Yes, he did tell me they've only had sex twice. I only believe him because it was a discussion of truth...everything was coming out.

I need more advice...if I'm to call BF, what do I say to him? I've never had to do this before, so bear with me.

First off, getting "truth" from a WS is an oxymoron. That is the first thing you must understand. Do not believe anything he TELLS you. Only go by his ACTIONS.

When talking to the BF, just give him the facts. Tell him his GF is having an affair with your H and give him all the facts.

DO NOT tell your H you are going to do this in ADVANCE. This is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

p.s. and never tell a doctor [that be LemonMan] that you aren't worried about STD's because your H only had sex twice! BAD MOVE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

has everyone had their WS's checked?

I don't plan on telling my H anything at all...even after I've done it. I'll let him come to me when he's found out I did. No apologies though...he did this, not me.

See, I'm learning!

It is perfectly ok to be confused and afraid to face this...but isn't that exactly why you have come to this site. I would just tell him that you feel that this "issue" (STD testing and abstinence) is too imprtant for you to not enforce. This is a boundary for you is it not? This doesn't mean you can't show affection in other ways (hugging, kissing, etc..). I think you are secretly afriad that your Cheating man will NOT accept this. Many Many people here are say thrilled when their cheater is willing to "reconsile" that they throw all caution to the wind and IGNORE the very real rality of this "issue". Even the great web site creators of this site foster that ignorance by not mentioning it when they encourage one to meet the cheaters needs. That is ok, there will always be someone here to foster that cause and help people like you remember the importance of this.

No need to be confrontational about it. Tell him in a loving, confident manner, but in a manner that DOES not allow him to believe that this is a negotiable boundary to you in any way. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Lem

Thanks for looking out for us Lem...like I said, I did think about telling him to get tested, but I was afraid of his reaction and still am a little, but I also know its important.

LOL.....I can just see you Mel reading this..putting your hands over your eyes reading this....

LOl

LM

lol, Lem, and I could "hear" your blood pressure rising..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Stph,

Wow you gotz Lemonman posting 2 u. He's good stuff, along with Pep and Mel. Wow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now as for the SF, if he is doing the jig with the OW best, to hold yourself back til he gets tested and if he gets test and still is doing the jig with OW, you'd best still hold back cuz OW ain't tested. Don't know what kinds of cooties and other critters she's doing.

Ever do a background test on her? Maybe she's got crabs or some other creepy crawly thingy.

I used the psychological ploy with the Ws that he smelled bad. Did it when I suspected he may have been with the OW. She had 2 dogs so it was easy to assume he carried a bad scent. LOL!! Of course the oW was the stinkiest, just by her bad habits. LOL!!! This got the Ws wondering about his hygiene. To make him wonder was a good thing.

You know, like your phone incident, I had a few of those also. The nutzy OW used to like to call on our anniversary. The 1st time she did, the Xws was in shower (false recovery set him back to being a WS). We were on our way to an anniversary brunch and WS told me to answer his phone.

It went something like this:

Ring....(the nextel kinda ring - which I hate).

BS: Your phone is ringing.

WS: Answer it, it might be work. (he was on call that morning).

BS: Ok.... (I had seen private # so I figured it was the OW).

BS: Hello?

OW: Who is this?

BS: Well who is this?

OW: No you tell me first.

BS: This is stupid, you call, who are you, don't you know?

OW: Where's WS?

BS: He's busy.....in the shower.

OW: Why are you answering his phone?

BS: Oh... I know who you are...you are that beeitchy lady. I am answering his phone because he asked me to. Would you like me to take this call into the bathroom? Hm...???

OW: CLICK!!

OW is impatient. 5 minutes later she calls back.

Ring.....

BS: Hello? (in my sweetest tone). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

OW: Click!

3 minutes later

Ring.....

OW: I hand the phone to the WS. This time I tell him.

BS: The Beeitchy witch is calling are you gonna answer it? She just yells at me or hangs up. Why do you talk with people like that?

WS: I don't want to talk to her.

BS: You want me to tell her that?

Ws: No.

BS: Well the, you'd best tell her yourself. Btw, Not sure if I want to go to brunch with you. I am sure I can get someone else to go with me.

WS: No, I want to go with you, this is our anniversary.

BS: What an anniverary. Not getting off to a good start.

Ws: I'm sorry.

BS: You s/b. Here's your phone.



So that's how it went on that anniversary. See, I got lots of stories. LOL!!! Scary ain't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

I'm loving your stories Orchid!

At least she was brave enough to talk to you, unlike my H's OW. I thought it was pretty low and weak to just hang up on me like she did.

I love everyone who has posted to me.

I really do feel better knowing that I'm not alone. I have friends and family who are there for me, but no one who has been through this personally. I feel stronger just by talking and reading even though I haven't been here long.

Honestly, can it really work out? Will he never want to cheat on me again if it does? I still have so many questions and few answers. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, but I'm impatient. I want results and answers now.

Having a moment of panic and I need help.

Sometimes I start thinking about H and OW and maybe it is over between us and he would rather be with her...I get physically ill when I think about it, but I can't help it. He's convincing me of it, I guess.

This is torture.

Can anyone help?

Stph,

He is babbling. That is how WS' communicate....babble babble babble.

He has to paint you bad becaues that's the only way the A can be justified.

It's time you get your mind and heart in sync so you won't succumb to his babble.

Now go read Love must be tough, Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs......

Remember my stories? I gotz more. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Wanna here the one about the 3 fako pregos?

Well for now know this, with all those stories and more..... the WS in my case finally came to his senses. It was after a trip to the local pokey (a 911 call made by him....to have me arrested...that's another story), a false RO filed by the OW in a last ditch effort to get her WS back. Let's not forget about the 'emotional divorce story.

Even with all that, he's back! Sometimes though I wonder.....when I do, it's his job to prove he's worth keeping. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Contact the HR at his job, let them know about the A. Also let them know that his boss knows of this and just told them not to talk while at work, that is so wrong. His boss should of told him that was not acceptable and shoud end it. It makes my blood boil when others protect the ones that are doing so wrong while we are doing right. I will say a prayer for you.

Tell me some more stories Orchid...they seem to make me feel better anyway.

I know this is a textbook case and nothing I'm writing or going through is special, but I never thought I would ever go through it and I don't really know how to. I'm still in panic-mode.

Orchid, how did you survive all of stories with your marriage intact? How long did it take? I'm ready for this to be over.

I plan on calling his boss next Saturday when my husband won't be at work.

Thank you brokenheart for your prayer...I'm going to need lots of them!

How do I know if my H is still in love with me or not? If he's not, will Plan A bring him back to me? What if he doesn't want to wait long enough to find out?

He's says he's not, but could that just be b/c of the A?

We're going to be together all day today and I don't know how I should act. Do I act like everything's the same b/t us?

Do I act like we're a couple or we're roommates? We've been living as roommates, kinda, since I found out. It's very hard to do. Still don't know why he hasn't started the separation process if he wants a divorce so badly.

what is your definition of "in love"

and then

define "love"

then re-ask the question

Pep

Harley says >>> we fall in love with someone who makes deposits in our love bank and makes few withdrawls

Plan A is a combination of behaviors

some are a carrot (meeting his needs & making LB deposits)

and

some are a stick (exposing the affair and speaking up about what hurts)

it's a tricky thing to pull off

and unless you are in NON-panic mode, you will fail

are you taking anti-depressants?

are you exercising?

are you getting sleep?

are you talking with your support-system persons IN REAL LIFE ?

This message board (alone) ... is NOT enough

I strongly urge you to make a call to the Harley counseling center .... use your husband's credit card to pay for it .... if he can afford an affair, you can afford Harleys (they are expensive)

Pep