I'm hoping that she has already "crashed".

She knows (since I've told her and she's seen it) that I have bad days regarding her affairs. Days in which I'm silent or moody or just melancholy.

Friday night she said, "I want to have a good weekend." We had nothing special planned -- I had to work on Saturday AM followed by attending a wedding for one of her co-workers.

But she wanted "a good weekend". I know she was referring to me and my fluctuating emotions.

So I tried all weekend to not dwell on where we had been or where we will be. I tried to see the here and now and be a "lighthouse". I gave her a massage Saturday night -- something she very much enjoys. I continued to work on applying this difficult faux finish to the basement walls which is one of her EN (not the basement, but home improvement in general).

I will say that there were times and triggers through out the weekend, but I kept them to myself and made the most of it.

It's now Monday and she's back at her job that she refuses to leave even though I told her it would make me happy if she did (or at least tell them she can't travel out of town anymore). I'm depressed about all of this and yet happy that I gave her a "good weekend". I know that I'll be better one day and able to manage these emotions more constructively, it would just help if she understood better my need to grieve what has been lost in our marriage.

I guess it's time to soldier on.

Thanks for your advice and support.

Artor at your phase of recovery, my indignation at Squid's inability or unwillingness to face my hurt or help me almost got the better of me. I was given good advice which I pass on now " lock up or distract your taker for a while yet". Know that yoru W is NOT ABLE to be what you need right now. She is not fully capable of a healthy relationship with you, OM, Herself or God right now.

You be stable, gentle, supportive and non judgmental and it gives her a place to fall apart.

The "crash" is when the reality piles in around a WS ears and every shred of entitlement and justification finally crumbles. They feel alone like they hav edstroyed their own lives. when THAT happens is good if you have been "plan A'ing" for a few weeks so she feel ssafe to crumble into you.

This happened to Squid. I read a lack of empathy in your FWW so I do not know if that has happened yet with her.

In any case, you need to be the strong one right now, because you are the only adult so capable at the moment.

You're doing fine Artor. It just doesn't feel liek it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />