Post deleted by Zoomba

Have you read the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura?

Have you reminded him that things seem to be going back to the old way and that you really want to keep building a good new way?

Post deleted by Zoomba

Sounds just like the things my WH did when he was seeing OP.
Where does he say he has been when he comes in late? 24 hour dinner? hmmmmmmm. Mine was with OP at those times. If you can snoop on him try to.

Post deleted by Zoomba

Zoom,

I would say yes it is easier to give up.

Here is the problem I have had since D Day. My FWW although very critical of our M (through justifications) wants to go back to the way it was.

Kinda like a big OOOPS.

Now honestly I wasn't happy with the M as it existed. She supposedly wasnt' happy with the M as it existed. However since D Day she has worked very hard to get the M back to where it was pre A. HMMMM. There seems to be something wrong with that.

Are you saying our M was great for you and you had an A? Why fight to get back what wasn't working.

This has really up ended our M. All of her justifications were nothing more then her repeating my concerns over the 3 previous years.

IE we don't spend enough time together. We are fine HL. No we are not. Well changing those things required her to change things. IE getting the kids homework done when they got home from school, getting YS to go to bed on his own, not drinking every night.

So she used my own concerns against me as a justification.

But after all of that she is fine and I am messed up? How does that work.

So sometimes an A ends up really backfiring on the FWS, they had it darn good the BS didn't and the BS wants that to change.

IMVHO a FWS or a WS is obviously a taker and they became the ultimate taker. After an A they need to shift to a giver. Not an easy task.

Post deleted by Zoomba

Zoom,


Same here.

How am I getting by. I am taking this time to unwind why?

Why I put myself where I am today. I am trying to become a better HL. I am trying to be a better father. I am working on myself. With the goal of being a healthy partner to someone.

If not the FWW then I can live with that as long as I am better.

Sounds suspicious to me... Sounds just like the A is back on again. My WH seemed like he had good intentions at first, then slipped back into calling her after swearing to his own mother he wouldn't. Please install a keylogger NOW, and don't tell him. Also, if you can w/out him knowing - check EVERY nook and cranny in his car for a prepaid cell phone. Seriously, many folks like me thought "okay, I'll just see his cell bill." BUT HELLO! A prepaid cell phone from Walmart is like $20!!!!! If you are stealth enough, get a voice activated digital recorder in his car. You deserve to know the truth. All you efforts will frustrate you if you think he is in NC with OP, but really is. Best wishes to you.

It sounds to me that the real issue here is that there is no agreement that an A even took place. He's not going to see the need to change if he doesn't even have the ability to admit that he had an A. Is there any possibility that he is right... that he did not have an EA? That in your eyes what is considered and EA is not what he would consder inappropriate? The first thing a MC told me is that the best place to start is to be able to agree to the reality of any given situation.