Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Z
Member
Member
Z Offline
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Post deleted by Zoomba

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,808
Have you read the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura?

Have you reminded him that things seem to be going back to the old way and that you really want to keep building a good new way?

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Z
Member
Member
Z Offline
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Post deleted by Zoomba

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 330
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 330
Sounds just like the things my WH did when he was seeing OP.
Where does he say he has been when he comes in late? 24 hour dinner? hmmmmmmm. Mine was with OP at those times. If you can snoop on him try to.

Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Z
Member
Member
Z Offline
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Post deleted by Zoomba

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
Zoom,

I would say yes it is easier to give up.

Here is the problem I have had since D Day. My FWW although very critical of our M (through justifications) wants to go back to the way it was.

Kinda like a big OOOPS.

Now honestly I wasn't happy with the M as it existed. She supposedly wasnt' happy with the M as it existed. However since D Day she has worked very hard to get the M back to where it was pre A. HMMMM. There seems to be something wrong with that.

Are you saying our M was great for you and you had an A? Why fight to get back what wasn't working.

This has really up ended our M. All of her justifications were nothing more then her repeating my concerns over the 3 previous years.

IE we don't spend enough time together. We are fine HL. No we are not. Well changing those things required her to change things. IE getting the kids homework done when they got home from school, getting YS to go to bed on his own, not drinking every night.

So she used my own concerns against me as a justification.

But after all of that she is fine and I am messed up? How does that work.

So sometimes an A ends up really backfiring on the FWS, they had it darn good the BS didn't and the BS wants that to change.

IMVHO a FWS or a WS is obviously a taker and they became the ultimate taker. After an A they need to shift to a giver. Not an easy task.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Z
Member
Member
Z Offline
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 30
Post deleted by Zoomba

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
F
Member
Member
F Offline
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 2,693
Zoom,

Quote
It does seem that H wants our 'old' life together, where I do everything, and he does some things if he's around. Leaves me to my own devices.

Same here.

How am I getting by. I am taking this time to unwind why?

Why I put myself where I am today. I am trying to become a better HL. I am trying to be a better father. I am working on myself. With the goal of being a healthy partner to someone.

If not the FWW then I can live with that as long as I am better.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11
M
Junior Member
Junior Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 11
Sounds suspicious to me... Sounds just like the A is back on again. My WH seemed like he had good intentions at first, then slipped back into calling her after swearing to his own mother he wouldn't. Please install a keylogger NOW, and don't tell him. Also, if you can w/out him knowing - check EVERY nook and cranny in his car for a prepaid cell phone. Seriously, many folks like me thought "okay, I'll just see his cell bill." BUT HELLO! A prepaid cell phone from Walmart is like $20!!!!! If you are stealth enough, get a voice activated digital recorder in his car. You deserve to know the truth. All you efforts will frustrate you if you think he is in NC with OP, but really is. Best wishes to you.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
It sounds to me that the real issue here is that there is no agreement that an A even took place. He's not going to see the need to change if he doesn't even have the ability to admit that he had an A. Is there any possibility that he is right... that he did not have an EA? That in your eyes what is considered and EA is not what he would consder inappropriate? The first thing a MC told me is that the best place to start is to be able to agree to the reality of any given situation.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,320 guests, and 100 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
apefruityouth, litchming, scrushe, Carolina Wilson, Lokire
72,032 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by Vallation - 07/24/25 11:54 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0