Wow! I must be recovered because I completely missed the date! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
September 12, 2000 was the day I learned of my wife’s affair. It was already over by then, but my odyssey was just beginning. It took about 2 ½ years to get over the strong emotional hurts, and probably another year before I really felt emotionally and mentally “recovered.” Today, my wife and I have two kids, we are currently designing our dream home, and have a stronger, better, and healthier marriage then I could have ever hoped for.
This site was very different from today back when I found it and registered. It was much smaller! And there were a lot less forums too! I found it the day after D-Day, but I didn’t actually register and start posting for about another month or so. At first I just read, read, read, and read! I ordered ALL of Dr. Harley’s books, and read all of them too!
Over time I received great help from a great many people (the list is too long to cite, but if any of you are still out there – you know who you are)!
I know there are many here that are new to this. I took great comfort back then from the fact that I was not alone. So I will say this to you – YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I also spent a lot of time seeking out, posting to, and reading about people who were “success stories.” I found great inspiration in how they handled their situations, and I also took great comfort in the knowledge that I could actually SURVIVE this!
While I do not blame myself for my wife’s affair, I do know that I was at least partly responsible for the state that my marriage was in at the time. I took immediate steps to begin correcting that using Dr. Harley’s famous “Basic Concepts” and his “4 Rules for a Successful Marriage.” I would urge ALL of you who have not committed these things to memory to re-read and practice these ideas on a daily basis. They are so important to having a strong and successful marriage.
Today, both myself and my wife try to follow these rules – The Rule of Protection (no lovebusters), The Rule of Care (meeting EN’s), The Rule of Honesty (complete, using the POJA to negotiate), and the Rule of Time (15 hr/week).
We are not perfect – especially with the “time” part with both of us working full time and having 2 kids – but we try the best we can. If you work on these 4 things you have a pretty good shot at having a great and long-lasting marriage. Simple, but not always easy!
To all of those out there who helped me through this time (and who still remember me), I would like to shout out a BIG THANK YOU!
To the rest, I hope in the very least I have given you some “hope.” Hope is the first step towards a successful recovery. I got some hope (albeit through a bunch of tears) the first day I found this site, and began to learn about and follow Dr. Harley’s wisdom.
It’s probably the biggest reason why I am able to come back here today and post this story.
All the best,
-HD
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
