Haven't posted in awhile, had some health issues.

WH and OW still are living together. 6 months already. A exposed 4 mos. ago. He extended his apt. lease with her for another 6 months.

Our D is still in the works. Awaiting court dates soon, I would imagine.

Talked to him yesterday. He shows no remorse what so ever and feels that we are LS now, so he can do what he wants. He blames me for serving the D papers on him, so he gets to do his thing now. I only served him papers to protect me and the kids after I found out they were having an A and living together.

He does not show one bit of interest in coming back to the M. Seems very happy with OW. When I asked him if he was happy, he said no. I asked him why, and he said cuz of financial reasons. Wishes he had more money. Can't pay for this house and his too. Other than that, he's happy.

OW D will be final next month.

So I guess I just give up on trying. I don't see him ever coming out of the fog. He said it's over, stop beating a dead horse.

Some days I still want him back, other days I don't. How crazy is that? He's hurt me so much and doesn't have one shred of guilt over it. But he's in denial. Still won't admit to me that he is in an A. Now he says they are just roomies.

Guess this is one affair that won't go bust.

Thanks for letting me get this out.

CG

catgirl, why are you not in Plan B?
Mulan

Well I was. Had to go to school for DS and had to deal with WH there. I actually saw some of my old H shine through. Guess I caved.

I did tell him yesterday though that I don't want to see or talk to him anymore. It is too painful for me. He has no shame in what he is doing, living with OW etc. Takes OW out in public and people are seeing this and contacting me, wondering if I know he is taking OW around town. Very embarrassing. So I told him that was it, no contact. He said fine. Seems like he could care less if he sees me or not.

We have a function to go to regarding our DD in a few weeks. He will be there. Don't know how I can plan B there though. I will be sitting with him at dinner.

That is tough, but you could treat him like a stranger. Be pleasant, polite, but distant as you would with someone you were meeting for the first time and didn't really want to talk to a lot. I had to do this when I plan B'd my husband and he wouldn't move out.

It is worth a try - and the rest of the time, have no contact. Are you using an intermediary to talk to him about anything and everything?

Perhaps you need to toughen up your plan B. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it sounds as if you are still available to him.

Linda

Yes I do need to toughen up my Plan B. I have been very weak lately and have been available to my WH. It's just that I see a glimpe of his old self and I can't help myself from wanting to talk to him.

No more. I really doubt that going dark will affect him though. He told me it's over and it appears like he's happy with OW. Been living with her for 6 mos. now.

Her D will be final any day now.

((catgirl))

Good advice from silverpool. But I understand how you're feeling. I'm in the middle of my own health crisis and when I first found out I would need surgery for cancer, I regressed in my emotional resolve.

I wanted my WH to want to be supportive. Thank God DD-24 put it in perspective for me. "Of course you want him there, you've been married to him for 22 years. That's what he should be doing. Don't feel bad that you want him to be the man he used to be."

But, he isn't that man right now. Having my WH around during this time would be such a drain on me. I realized I don't need that in addition to the other stresses right now.

That's part of the reason for Plan B. To protect your emotions. Going dark is for you.

You need to take care of you now. Surround yourself with friends and family. Accept help from others. Let yourself heal.

A verse that has helped me when things seem overwhelming is
Ps.31:15 "My times are in Your hands."

It sounds like me, and my sitch; go dark, as dark can be for you, not to bring him back, but to let go of WH, take care of yourself. Let your friends and family love you, love yourself, too.

It's always tough when I read that someone else is going through what I am, because I want so much for others to succeed, too. I root for you all...