Hello ConfusedTeacher,
Welcome (again) to MB.
It would seem that your WH, like my X, has a sexual addiction. When there are problems in life - he runs for a quick fix.
The sexual addiction itself and the resulting guilt are a problem also... that he has to "fix"..
I would think that when you two get along fine, he gets even more guilty..
What kind of person could cheat on his pregnant wife (due any day) when we had supposedly bonded and got so close through all the problems and other miscarriages?
My X did very much the same thing. I had two miscarriages, and he couldn't deal with the stress and the grief. He went to prostitutes when I was pregnant for the second time, and continued doing so after my second MC, and also had an A with my best friend...
So it could be that those problems made him look for a quick fix.
I have read other stories here of people that are going through a very bad patch (parent dying of cancer etc.) and exactly at that time their partner chooses to have an A. As if they need attention somehow.
What kind of person could take those gross pictures at school in his office? Does this mean something is wrong with him?
My X made a video of him and OW "doing it" on our couch (that's actually how I found out). I think people who have A's aren't thinking straight because they're "high" on the kick they get from it.
What do I do about the fact that he is now trying to convince me to get the pictures from my lawyer so we could destroy them together and give him a sense of safety so he can go on?
Keep the pictures with your lawyer !!
It's YOUR call to do this at some point - much later - when YOU feel it's right.
I guess he's just scared (like when he took all the money).
Can he really change? Don't multiple affairs and this deviant type behavior go to character at all?
He can.. if he wants to.
Not unlike other addicts.
It will take a lot of counseling and hard work, though, not the "I'm so sorry and will never do it again" stuff.
Everybody tells me I need to let him "hit bottom" and stop enabling him by protecting him from hitting bottom. How do I do this?
If you keep taking him back...
If there are no real consequences to his actions..
He'll not get the message that he WILL lose you.
Please read up on radical honesty etc. on this site, and on plan A and plan B.
Could he lose his job for this if the pics get to our boss? We work in a public school and while he isn't able to be seen in the pics...a couple of them show small parts of his filing cabinet/shelves in his office.
That might happen.
But I don't think that would be the worst thing here, would it?
Since I shared a lot of this with family and friends (disclosure)...most of them think he is a "puke" and don't ever want to see him again. What do I do about that?
Don't worry about them.
Worry about YOU.
Make it very clear to yourself what YOU will do, what your boundaries are and how you will make sure those boundaries are NOT crossed.
What the heck is this doing to our kids? That is what my family keeps harping on me about. This has got to be very confusing for them.
Your children will learn from how you react to this.
Sh$it happens in life, that cannot be avoided.
It's how we deal with it.
OW is supposedly out of the picture and has disclosed to her husband and our church about the affair.
Good.
But why do you say "supposedly"?
Is any more contact possible?
At this point, don't believe your WH (wayward husband) about these things.
We are in counseling with a GREAT counselor...but are still not using the tools he has given us for communication. Does this mean that we are bound to repeat our past mistakes? Dr. Phil says the greatest indicator of future behavior is past behavior...
Why are you not using these tools?
Dear CT...
how about STD's ?
Considering your WH foggy behavior, you are at a real danger from those.
Please take care.
Brit from Belgium