Hi everyone. I am new here. I divorced my husband, a good man that I loved "as a friend...like a brother"...I was miserable during the marriage so I thought divorce was the answer. It was not. We've been divorced 7 months. He told me since July 1998 that I was the "Love of his Life"...I did not know he was dating anyone serious although we talked often...he was always evasive and would just tell me he was "dating around." Well...one day we had fight and he told me he did not even want to be my friend anymore. I was crushed!!!!! Now remember, I crushed him - he NEVER wanted the divorce and it was the worst time of his life (so he says). Within 24 hours, I felt God's hand in my life like I had not felt at anytime during our marriage. I drifted away from God due to a rape... Anyway, God touched my heart and brought me back to Him. Then, I felt that God was impressing upon me to reconcile my marriage. I did date and have a relationship AFTER our divorce and my XH knew about it. When I called him to attempt reconciliation, he was kind and loving but not responsive. Then, a few days later, I found out he was dating someone steadily...then a few days later, he told me he cared about her but did not know if God was leading him to marry her...then, within a couple of day, he told me he was in-love with her...then a couple of days later, he told me that God had told him in his dreams and at church that she was the one for him to marry. I AM NOW THE ONE THAT IS CRUSHED. We were a bradybunch family...two kids each that we each had custody of and were a family, kids love each other and us, for 7 years... I just pray and pray. I do not know whatelse to do. I really love this man and I had to work through a lot of issues but he tells me he no longer loves me and is going to marry this new woman he has been dating 3 months. Please pray for us and give me some good GODLY advice.

Unfortunately, if you're already divorced there's nothing much you can do. Now that he has moved on you must work on improving yourself and being happy. If you want specific advice you should start your own post detailing your situation. Good luck and stay strong, I'll pray for your family.

Yes. I guess God leads us to do things for reasons that are not those that seem obvious. I was content but not living a Godly life until I attempted reconcilation. Now, he will not even speak to me, whereas before, we talked almost every week --- I'm in pain but I guess what goes around comes around... Bottom Line: Do not divorce...Do everything possible to save your marriage unless you are being raped or beaten or cheated upon, etc... Emotions are fluid and are not always "Godly" but God's word is steadfast. Thanks for your prayers. It is hard for me NOT to pray for reconcilation but I do try to just pray for God's will in all our lives.

Mistake--Yes you are right. If you divorce it is somewhat like suicide. A permenent solution to a temporary problem. I think there are some instances that suicide might be acceptable (terminal illnes, intracable pain, etc) but most times it is a rash act. If there is a lot of physical abuse, continued cheating, criminal behavior then probaly divorce is justified. Garden variety troubles are not. If you want another marrriage you will get one but for God's sake don't run to the courts if there are spats. It takes a long time and hard work to make a marriage work but the payoff is great.
johoman

I am going through a lot on my own, but I think you might need to pick up some books on "love" - love in an action, not a swaying emotion. Somedays, I would feel like my husband was a friend, and somedays, I would do things for him, and love "on" him, and feel more love with the giving of my self. There are SO many awesome books that will redefine what true love is. It sounds like you've been together a while, so you're comfortable...which is good; but to keep romance alive, you need to work at it...which in turn will give you some challenges, something to work toward, instead of feeling *too* comfortable.

One book I suggest (out of a ton) is Rescue your love life by cloud and townsend. It's awesome!

soconfused - I agree with kristybear. Now that I've been going through these same things I've realized several things. One is that love is often an action, not an emotion. Love is big hugs, snuggling while watching a movie, and doing things to help the other person. It's not always this huge emotion. Work on showing love, I'm sure you'll receive it in return. --- Don't you want to be HAPPY. It seems like he really makes you happy. I found that I blamed my husband for ME not being happy. I now realize HE was one of the only people that actually made me happy, the unhappiness was coming from me, not him. But I mistakenly blamed him for MY unhappiness and now I'm much more unhappy without him and in a bad situation.

You don't need anymore advice because you have received plenty of great advice, but your husband seems like a good man and has great qualities, it's MUCH harder than you think to find all those good qualities in another man. It's even harder to find a man that you trust to raise your children. TAKE the advice you have received so far, I've been where you are right now and know exactly what your feeling, don't make the same mistake I did.

soconfused,

You're still young and still finding out who you are as a person while trying to love someone else for who they are. Whew! That's hard. I know....I'm going through the same thing. It's tough, but believe me it's worth it. DON'T GIVE UP!!
You know we are told so many crazy fairytales when we are young and when we're older we really believe that PRINCE CHARMING is coming to rescue us and ride off in the sunset together..forever. NOPE!! Not going to happen.

When I look at my parents..I'm in awe. They have been through so much because they had the patience, tolerance, and most importantly LOVE for one another to work things out. As many people have said on this board, "NOONE is perfect". I wish my husband was, but dangit he's not! I"M NOT!

We are forever changing and growing throughout our lives. Give him a chance to change as well. You will be fine.

Stay positive.