I made a BIG mistake. My husband and I have been married for a short time and we started having problems, not getting along, fighting about friends, fighting about money, not showing each other much affection, etc. Typical problems.

We never really had major marital issues but my head got all clouded. To make a long story short after months of this I told him I wanted a divorce.

I want him back. I made a gigantic mistake. I was all confused and didn’t know what I wanted. I made a big mistake and I may not be able to fix it. I want to work on our issues instead of throwing our marriage away.

The only problem is I don’t know how to ask him. What if he is moving on. What if he doesn’t want me back. Could I have just lost the most important person in my life.

How will you know if you don't ask? He may just feel the same way. If you 2 do get back together please address the issues that got you to this point. Go to a good pro-marraige counselor.

Lady-I agree you have to ask. That is the only way to know. Read Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil. Always remember as long as there is life there is hope. Make a pact with your husband that whatever is going on killing the relationship is off limits. That way both can get the necessary feelings and deal with them. Married people DON'T need to agree on everything--they don't! Good Luck to you. johoman <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Laddy,

Let go of the future...you are feeling a lot of fear from what hasn't come to pass yet. Stay present.

Practice saying, "Would you be willing to go to a marriage counselor? I found someone I think I'd like."

"I am learning a lot about relationships I didn't know before."

"I am deeply sorry for reacting so strongly to what I've found out are really common communication problems."

"I love you. I don't want a divorce. I feel afraid, shocked at my self and remorseful."

Lots of simple ways to say what only you can...sharing your stuff is feeling fear, and choosing to act, anyway.

You can do this.

You were brave enough to post...be brave enough to share.

Let go his possible responses...they aren't yours.

LA

I almost made the exact same mistake you did so i can relate to your situation. I had a very bad first two years of marriage.

You've received good advice because your only option is to be honest with him. Tell him you are sorry for putting him through this and that you want to work through the issues. Tell him you realize marriage is very special and your sorry for being confused. Being confused is normal when your having problems. Tell him you realize being confused is definitely not a reason for divorce. Tell him you don’t want to loose such a special and important person in your life.

Good luck.

I wanted to thank everyone for the positive remarks. All these positive comments have helped me. I should never have put myself in this situation, but when things went bad so did my decision making. I'm building the courage to tell him how I really feel. I've talked to him several times in the past couple days and he has been very nice and caring.

I'm trying to figure out the best time to have the discussion.

The best time for this discussion is the next time you see him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

If you wait for the "Right" moment, It will never come, there will always be "something" not right about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Lift the weight from his and your shoulders. Tell him the next time you see him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Practice a few times in the mirror and then GO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Stay Strong!

Lady- some thing good like a marrriage requires a lot of work and sweat and tears. Did you or him file yet? I take it you don't have children. The bad thing about American Divorce is once you file the system pushes you forward (the adversary system encourages conflict not resolution). Let us know what happens. johoman

I spoke to him last night but couldn't build the courage to ask. He had a rough day at work and wasn't in the best mood. I need to catch him when he's happy in a great mood. I'll keep you posted.

Lady- Great-keep us posted. Johoman

laddybug,

You said you need to catch him when he is in a good mood. WRONG ANSWER.

You need to simply approach him, ask him if he has a few moments to talk and then simply tell him how you feel.

1. You realize you made a huge mistake about the divorce and want to remain his W.

2. You do love him.

3. You know you need help with how you handle things and would he be willing to assist you by going to counseling with you? IF, he is willing to consider ending the divorce proceedings.

Finally, tell him he does NOT have to answer now, but would he consider it, and talk with you about his thinking in a few days.

Sounds hard, but the best way is simple, straight, and to the point. You won't and should not manipulate him. You are making a statement of your feelings and a request for him to consider what you have said.

Go for it.

God Bless,

JL

See my post above. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good Luck!

Stay Strong!

Be honest and confident. All you can do is tell him exactly how you feel. You said you made a big mistake originally, don't make another mistake and wait to long to tell him how you feel.

WOW. I did the same thing!! I divorced a really wonderful man after years of misery rather than fixing the problems. I ran from the problems straight to the divorce courts. The quicker you approach him the better. By the time I realized my mistake, my XH had already moved on... Time is not always your friend. God Bless you and PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!! God restores broken marriages daily!!!

R U still around LaddyBug?

Lady- Going for Divorce is like pulling a trigger you better be sure because once you do it is most likely all over. Your man would be a very BIG man if he took you back under those circumstances. So what having fights, as long as you didn't try to kill each other you all can work it out. If your divorce stays a divorce remember this advice in your next marriage. johoman

walkingthefield - I'm here. I still have not been able to build up the courage to discuss this situation with my husband. He has been stressed out lately because of work. I think I'm just scared to see what's going to happen. I don't know what I would do without him.

Laddy,

Is it not the most tremendous stress to believe your wife wants a divorce?

To have that in the back of your brain, your dreams, your words rotating again through his mind...and maybe focusing on work stress relieves a bit of that tremendous one believing his marriage is over?

You won't know until you talk about it. If you fear greatly, hold that fear and act, anyway. It is the only way to not live from and enlarge it.

LA

laddy--Are you two still livng together? Why are you afraid to ask him??? Him being stressed out has NOTHING to do with you guys future. You have absoltuly nothing to lose. Is he your husband or ex-husband? Do you have a formal diovorce decree? Instead of freting about your future find out if you have a future with him and if not prepare yourself for more things as until you take your last breath anything can happen. What was that old saying...."it ain't over until the fat lady sings"... johoman

Same situation here.....but with both of us guilty. My husband had just gotten back from a trip to visit his family, which he had decided to take himself and just announced to me. It was NOt the best time to go, and I was unsure he was really coming back.I had just bought us a house...and I mentioned to the lawyer that he was gone, and gave her the rundown and what to doif he doesn;t come back..No specifics about divorse were mentioned...just ideas. Then when he returned, during a fight, he said "Well, you just go ahead an call a lawyer and do whatevver you have to do to end this marriage." I got some specifics then, and when I approaced hubby, he was a little shocked I really called as he asked, but was more unhappy I had mentioned it to the lawyer before. We let it slide. Nod ecision. Then a couple of weeks ago, during a really emotional time for me, and under a lot fo stress and depression, he refused to pay for his part of the bills, evven though he could pay all his own expenses. I was upset, and brought up the ending the marriage conversation....and what did he want to do? He said he wanted choice "X" and call the lawyer to get specifits. I go some info the next day, but also told him that there was the option of counseling. I had brought it up before (he thought I should only go) I told him that I don;t think we should give up without exploring all options. After 5 days, he didn't get the 2nd job he was counting on and told me that he was leaving, and left after 20 minutes with his belongings. I sent him an email the next day, pleading for marriage counseling, and also saying that I regretted that we both brought up divorse, that on my part I was sorry and promised to never bring it up again. It was a heart-felt plea to come back. I have heard nothing from him, and have heard that he returned to his home country. He did contact a lawyer however, and she sent a letter saying she was his lawyer for the divorce. All this was 3 weeks ago. I know we both love each other. I also know that the talk of divorce did not help. but also, he felt like a failure bacause he could not pay his bills, and I could not help him out AGAIN (I financially cannot do it). I think it is pretty clear he doesn't want to come back, but I really want him to come back. Any ideas on what to say to him in an email that would help? The first email didn't convince him. I just wish he would call or contact me somehow. I have my own issues to work on, and I am trying.