Hello all,
I've been married 3 years, been with my husband 6 years. We have not been happily married I don't think any of the yrs. we've been together. When we dated, things were totally different than they are now--he used to take me out, we'd go out and have fun...now he is very cheap, he doesn't want to spend a dime, doesn't want to go out and do anything (even though we have no kids, are in good financial shape, & he makes a good salary). We are always at odds with each other now--we are not on the same team/side, he's emotionally embarassed me in public, I could go on. We are always fighting..I even remember when we dated we faught a lot, and when we were engaged..fighting too. (we even thought of calling off the wedding but didn't because of all the money invested and embarrassment involved.)

Now, here is why I question what to do: I am not the breadwinner in our relationship...he is. I also have a medical disability where I currently can't work because of it. So I am very afraid to be on my own, as I don't think I can survive solely on my disability check. (I don't think I would get alimony as I have been married under 10 yrs. I asked a few lawyers, they said they can try for it, but they doubt I'd get it cause I have not been married long.)

He is a good person. He is honest, caring, down town to earth, (doesn't go out drinking, gambling), comes from good family like me, same religion, wants kids like me...I'm afraid I wouldn't find someone with the GOOD qualities he possesses out there.

I feel like I am in either in a catch 22 or I just have to live with how things are. Oh, and we have been to marriage counceling. They suggested we see our own councelor individually since there is so much tension between us, but we have gone together before. When we went to counceling together, I didn't think it helped.

If anyone can share their thoughts, I'd appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Laurie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I saw that you two share religion. Your pastor could be one of the best councelors out there. I would have a meeting where both parties are involved, and then go separatley. What is said is said in confidentiality, and I think that it could benifit the both of you. I am trying to get something like that started with my wife because I feel that we are on the verge of a divorce. I would give it a shot, because I think that you two dont have anything to lose from it.

I suggest that you stay married. You might get more help on the emotional needs board - the folks there are very smart about this stuff.

Everyone goes through an adjustment period when they first get married - in fact there is a book by Les and Leslie Parrot that says after you get married, things go straight down for at least 7 years.

All of the stuff that you mentioned can be worked on, even if only one person (you) is doing the changing.

I hope you will stick around and read the stuff here, and also post on the emotional needs forum, giving some more specifics.

Thank you guys. I am new to this website. So you think I should post at the emotional needs board, rather than this divorce thread? When you get married things go down for 7 years?? I'm sorry, but that sounds terrible! So you have to suffer for the first 7 years before you reap any benefits of marriage?? I don't know if that is true of totally compatabible couples. Thanks kustomdlx and believer for your thoughts..

Lauri- All your looking for is what you can get out of your marriage--nothing what you can do for it. If I was your husband I would be gone gone gone. When you get married you don't just look for what you can get you also need to give some too. I had a wife like you once. That was enough. johoman