LMAO!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

You're doing good Jim!

M2L,
my sister is veryconfused2803. she just recently started posting in the new year.

I directed her here hoping she might get some support.
she has been having problems since the summer, and has a WH with a drinking problem to boot. both her and I have been talking more closely about codependency, growing up in an alcoholic family. It bites that we are both here at the same time, I have not told my parents about my sitch yet because my mom is so upset with what is going on with my sister, I don't want to rock her world.

anyway thanks to you and Jim and others who give so selflessly. your words are much appreciated

Well, I thought I'd post an update to my story.

Things have been improving again. We had another solid weekend together, and she was allowing me to show even more affection. She said she needed to go into work, but she didn't (partly because she was burnt out but partly because she wanted to spend more time with me).

Friday night she wasn't feeling great, so we ordered Pizza and watched some TV. Saturday we went to an animal shelter so she could play with some cats and dogs (she is really an animal person), we drove around and looked at some of the older, fancier homes in the area, we went to the mall, we went out to eat at Outback Steakhouse (I had a gift card for there), and drank some beer and played some games at home.

On Sunday we did her Pilates video together, went to an open house 3 doors down from us that I'd like on of our friends to move into, walked downtown and got some coffee, and then looked around for a good Chinese place for dinner. After that we watched the movie "Last Kiss." That movie deal with infidelity and really seemed to help lift some of her fog. Of course it really hit home to me, so I cried through some of it, and she laid her head in my lap and held me.

She was allowing me to be more affectionate than in the past, as when I was holding her, I started planting little kisses on her shoulders, neck and cheek. She didn't let me kiss her on the lips, but I'm working my way up.

Finally, yesterday she invited me to hang out with some of her friends from work this weekend, friends that she didn't want me around after I exposed to her work. I can see things continuing to slowly improve. Let this be a lesson to all of you BSs out there that are struggling with plan A even after your WS has agreed to NC. Things will improve, but they take quite a bit of time and effort.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Biggest mistake I made at that time of recovery was trying to rush things.... My Taker was screaming bloody murder and wanted so much so fast it almost thwarted all the good I did.

Be keenly aware of everything she says and does, looking for clues as to what you may need to work on (through her eyes), always validate her opinion and become a great listener, and don't expect any more than she will give.

Well done,
SD

Jim,

I ask you this as a borther in the BH world.

Is your taker coming out today? I ask because you are quick with newbies today and it seems like you are getting pi55ed off more than normal.

If this is the case please bring it here. I know this feeling VERY well and not that long ago - Nov. I asked myself "what the he)) did I do to get this hand in life? Why me? WTF? When will this Shiet end."

How are you doing?

I am usually pretty quick with newbies. I'm of the tough love camp.

On a side note, my WW acted a little deceptive last night. Last night I called her and she was in her female coworker's car (you could hear the engine). She said she was just checking out the rental car they gave her friend (who was in an accident this weekend). She came home late (as usual) and said she wasn't very hungry. I didn't think anything of it at the time. This morning when I did my routine sweep, I found a purchase for dinner at the Chinese buffet for $20 last night. Now, it is not unusual for my WW to go out to dinner and then head back to work when she works late, but why did she lie about it (told me she was checking out a rental and wasn't hungry)? She usually (~75% of the time) calls me on her way home from work, but she didn't last night.

I don't think anything happened last night, but I am troubled by the fact my WW is keeping something from me. Maybe she didn't want me to know that she went out to dinner and paid for her friend even though we talked about not spending as much money lately. The thing I am worried about is her taking her friend out to dinner, her friend giving her a ten dollar bill, her using that bill to get a prepaid calling card, and then her calling OM from a pay phone before she came home. Now that possibility is pretty remote, and I don't think it happened, but I don't like her hiding anything from me.

I am definitely going to talk to her about it tonight in a non-threatening or accusatory manner after I do a little snooping in her purse after she gets home. I want her to know that she needs to be honest with me, and ask her why she lied about last night.

Jim...I've noticed that too. Please, no offense intended, but some of your posts to the newbies that have just arrivedhave been pretty sharp. Please remember their emotions are already pretty raw, just as yours were, and they need patience and a little coddling until they get their feet wet in the MB program.

Best wishes,
SD

Ok, I don't see where she lied, she just didn't tell you about her having dinner. Not good, but not too bad.

If she was riding with her friend then wouldn't the friend have to wait for her to make the call, if she did make a call? Too much to ask a friend to do if you ask me. "please give me cash for your half, stop at a pay phone, wait here and no I don't need to use my cell phone." That kinda stuff. Too much.

"I am definitely going to talk to her about it tonight in a non-threatening or accusatory manner after I do a little snooping in her purse after she gets home. I want her to know that she needs to be honest with me, and ask her why she lied about last night. "

--------------------
Best of luck, you know the drill as well as anyone here.

It's not that she lied, but it seems like she was misleading me. Why not just say you went out to dinner when she was on the phone with me instead of telling me she was looking at the rental car? Why tell me you aren't hungry and aren't going to make anything for dinner when you get home? It just seems fishy to me. Couple that with the fact that it is three and a half weeks since last contact, and I'm a little nervous.

I know I may be a little paranoid, but I've been right about these things before.

I'm not saying she planned it, but maybe she missed OM, split dinner with her friend (WW paid with her credit card and friend payed her back in cash), she saw that cash as an opportunity to purchase a phone card without me knowing (because she knows I monitor everything, and she though she could see how he was doing without me ever finding out.

Ah, it's probably nothing, but I am leaving nothing to chance.

Man - I would HATE to be a WW to Jim.

You cover ALL points and thoughts.

I know that this point in time is hard. Maybe talk to your wife about this timing and let her talk about it. You can read her while she talks.

Try to spend more time with her for the next 2 weeks.

pulling for you Jim

Man, I'm all up inside her head. It would have been easier for her if she had cheated on Freud. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Don't worry about me M2L (or should I start calling your N2L), I'm cool. I've got things under control. I couldn't spend much more time with her. This past week I have probably spent about 20+ hours of non TV time meeting her ENs. Things are getting better, I would just like some radical honesty, that's all. How's that for rattling off a MB policy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hi jmwc95 -

I don't know your whole story - I need to read it - but it sounds as if your W has had an A - I am the idiot on here you have posted to in reply to my situation - (EA) and just want to say sorry you are going through this and hope all ends well............

jlds

Don't put your poor H through the same mess. It ain't a fun thing to go through.

M2L,

You know how you sometimes catch yourself on the caller ID? Well, I have been quite under the weather lately, so I saw two recent purchases on the online billing statement "CN Express" and "Happy China" and both are around $20. Well, I was just double checking my facts, and I realized that even though it the Happy China was posted on yesterday, it was actually for a transaction made on Sunday. Same thing for the CN Express. Well in my stuffed-up state, I hadn't really dug in too deep because I figured one was for the Chinese we ate on Sunday, and one was for Chinese she ate with her friend. Well, now I realized that CN Express was not China express, but express the mall clothing store. I spooked myself for nothing. I need to start laying off the cold medication. I'm a little loopy. Oh well.

Glad to hear it.

This chit makes you question very little thing to point of drivng yourself crazy sometimes. I have learned to double check before I talk too much with my FWW.

Now I can sleep.

Yeah, ain't it the truth... we become hypersensitized, and are like superhuman for a while. I was thinking I could work along side 007 for a while, I caught so much stuff. Then, when I got further along in the process, and was exhausted, emotionally detached almost to the point that if the WW dropped the OM's business card in the floor of the living room, I wouldn't even bend over to pick it up... LOL!

Get through the tough spots, because they toughen you up for the rest of recovery! LOL

Niters all,
SD

Good - glad it was nothing, and yes, lay off the cold medication!

I still "plan" on leting this thing go, because, like you said, I do not want to hurt my H.

jlds

No offense, but don't "plan," just "do." The longer this goes on the harder it will be to end and come clean. Last night my WW told me that I cry and say her name in my sleep. Don't do this to your poor H.

Hey Jim and SD,

Want to hear something funny?

When I first started posting here on this site I was told to call the Harleys for help. Heard it a few times from people.

Well I was at the stage where I didn't trust anyone. I got to thinking that all of these people could have been on the Harley's staff and just drumming up business.

Hows that for being crazy????