My younger brother and I are close. We grew up in an abusive family, and we have always had that underlying bond of survivorship. He followed me to college, and we spent a lot of time together supporting each other. I moved away for grad school and married.

My husband is an only child and has no experience with having siblings. He does not like my family. He finds them to be annoying and messy, and he doesn't like to stay at their homes when we visit or even enter the house on many occasions.

My brother recently moved into our area, but he has never been invited to visit mainly because my husband would not like having him here. A couple of weeks ago, he asked to ride down with us to visit my parents -- about a 12 hour long drive. I would like to have him along b/c it's been over 3 years since I've spent more than 30 minutes with him and because he is a college student on a tight budget.

My husband works long hours and is adamant about not having my brother ride with us. He says that I am not listening to him, and that I am being selfish by not telling my brother no.

I have worked hard to maintain some kind of balance and peace between my husband and my family. So, I don't want to just tell my brother that we don't want him along and to foot $400 for a plane ticket.

Any advice?

Hi,

I too come from an abusive family, and my youngest brother and I are very close. So I understand about wanting to help your brother and to spend time with him.

However...twelve hours is a loooooooong time to spend in a car, even with people you get along with. If your husband is not ready for this type of committment, I recommend that you find another time, or another way for this to happen.

Can you and your brother drive down together, and let the husband stay at home for once?

First question...is your husband allowed to not like your brother? Putting aside how close you and your brother are for the moment, is your husband allowed to make his own choices about who he likes and wants to spend time with?

This may seem like a dumb question, but if your family was abusive, why would you go visit them anyway? My wife's stepfather tried for years to molest her. When we left Phoenix in 1998, she never ever wanted to go back to visit her mom. Now I know why. Now that her mom and stepdad are divorced, we're going to visit her mom in March.

Anyway...WFG had a great idea. Just let your H stay home while you and your brother drive down and back.