Here's my self-analysis...

I want to be in a happy, healthy, committed relationship, and I would like a family (even if not my own biological children). This may never happen, so I don't obsess over it. I'm happy, content & have a full life.

But dang, I like being in a relationship. I much prefer the feelings of real, long-lasting love to the rush of new "love." The silver lining to being a BS was that I learned even more about relationships (MB tools, etc), yet I'm not in a relationship to use those tools.

On top of all that, I had the Mr. 4 Weeks experience (who is still texting me, by the way, and I'm melting for his excuse -- really melting over him). That was the first time in YEARS that I felt such an attraction.

I'll live without it, but I would love to have a real relationship. I think it's a combination of the emotional trauma/self-confidence blow of a WS, even if years have passed, combined with the hope that I will have a good relationship one day (sooner than later, please), along with the fact that I'm even more ready than before because I've spent so much time reading & learning about relationship skills. I was a "buyer" before, and even more so now.

It all adds up to vulnerability and EN/Love-starvation. (Yes, I try to meet ENs other ways, such as socialize with friends, volunteer, etc, which are decent substitutes, but I still crave the real thing -- a real relationship.) Does anyone else feel like this??

Yes! Most definitely. I fill my time with stuff I like to do, and there is always work and the kids. I'm not unhappy with that, but, still......

I don't want to say there is something missing (well, there is - but its not like I'm not a full person without it)....

*sigh*

Nev ~ You are "normal"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We all go through this.

Don't give up your hope!! Someday...at the right time.

"To every thing there is a season under the sun....a time to love".

In the mean time...I've learned that we shouldn't wish away our "gift of singleness". We can gain much in this time.

But back to your hope. I'm with you...right alongside you. I too want a happy, content & full love of one person who I spend the rest of my life with.

It'll come...at the right time.

High Flight

Yeah, I sympathize. I seem to "know" all these great principles, have all the tools, and yet I am single - then I look around me and see all these married and dating people happy as pigs in mud, and doing it totally wrong.. What's wrong with that picture? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


I hate the sound of this phrase myself, but in due time, it'll all come together for you! Trust me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.


Well, maybe you should rethink that meeting with High Flight, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />. Just teasing ya, you are all big kids...

AGG

Yes, Nev, that pretty much describes where I'm at. except that for me the hope part is pretty much dead.

The good thing about the lack of hope is that it takes all the anxiety out of dating. The bad thing about it is that there is little motivation to date.

I know this feeling all too well. You know what, it's been 8 mos since my Mr.5 Weeks. If he were to text me today, I would still go weak in my knees.

You're not alone in your feelings.

I don't know that I would say I feel vulnerable to a relationship right now. That's not to say I wouldn't fall hard in one if it were to happen, but it's more of a reality for me. I have lost confidence in a match for myself, largely due to my location.

I hope to read your post on here one day Nev.
Where you're happy in love!

K!

Good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way!

Something GDP said that struck me...about hope. Instead of having "no hope," how about having "no expectations?" Maybe I need to focus less on the hope of a real relationship, and just enjoy the moments of fun in my life (some of them dating, many not -- lol).

That being said, I will still expect to be treated with respect and kindness when I am dating. Also, I probably shouldn't waste too much time dating someone who is just "fun" without long-term potential. Maybe in ten years I'll give up on the relationship/family thing and just focus on fun. LOL!

p.s. Karona -- his nice texts are so confusing given what happened. I'm afraid that he will disappoint me again. Maybe he's just being nice because he's a conflict avoider, or wants to feel like a good guy, or whatever. Maybe he does have a girlfriend and she is out of town again. I'm thinking of giving him one more chance to follow through on plans, then we can discuss the whole disappearing act in person (I need to see his face/body language when he explains it), and then if he flakes out again or the excuse doesn't hold water, I'll know for sure.

Nev ~ When I get to NYC next week, you could invite Mr. 4 Weeks to meet us!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> I guarantee you his reaction to meeting you with me will tell you ALL you need to know about him!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He'll either show jealousy or indifference. You'll see your answer. Then you can tell him we're fellow MBers from a nation-wide support group!!! And my mission was to help cull out the bad apples....hahaha