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Dont you think we need some time together to see if this is even something that can be worked out? I am not sure it is but don't you think we owe it to ourselves to try that?" Remember..say what YOU are thinking and feeling rather than ASKING HIM what HE THINKS..Like Orchid says, he's a WS. His thinking is inadequate. Maybe E-Mail him back, saying something like: "I've been thinking about your E-Mail and decided that I want to work on our marriage. In order for us to do that I think we need to talk face to face and spend as much time as possible together when you come HOME. Of course, I want you to stay in the house with ME....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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ok, i emailed him that...we'll see if i get a response...
"I've been thinking about your E-Mail and decided that I want to work on our marriage. In order for us to do that I think we need to talk face to face and spend as much time as possible together when you come HOME. Of course, I want you to stay in the house with ME....
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Sounds like he is working a lot and really stressed out. I would also email and ask about how everything is going. Make it a friendly, chatty email.
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I have done that too..I did that 3 days ago....
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Hey...I know I am full of "what if's" a lot lately...but I am trying to gain as much knowledge as I can....If he comes home, does not want to work it out or is "not sure", is PLan A even an option when he goes back overseas? How do you implement Plan A if he is not even here or is it futile?
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Plan A means getting rid of any of your habits that he objected to, and making you a better person. You stay in Plan A, no matter if he wants to work on the marriage or not. They often don't.
There have been tons of people here that did it, even when their spouse wanted nothing to do with them.
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So if he wants out, do I file for legal separation or just continued to stay married even though he doesn't want it?
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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So if he wants out, do I file for legal separation or just continued to stay married even though he doesn't want it? He wants out? Let him do the walking. That includes all the paperwork. You get yourself secured financially and get support for yourself and your family. L.
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Hey L..see that is where I am stuck...He pays for the rent and my car payment...I cannot make those payments with the money I make at my 2 jobs....And he makes about 9000.00 a month over there...yea, u read it right, 9000.00 a month...And I am not sure he wants out...I don't know that yet....I won't know until we talk and I still may not get a straight answer from him then....he is so wishy-washy that I may not get a straight answer from him. If I tell him I want him to come home in March so we can work on this, he may "have to think about it". Unfortunately for me, I am financially dependant on him right now and I hate it!!!! So I really don't know what to do.....
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Wait it out. They are ALL wishy-washy. He makes GOOD money, no wonder he wanted to go to Iraq.
In the meantime, stay in Plan A. There is no hurry for anything.
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Thats true...true true....so I should just let him keep paying for the rent and my car as long as I can? Well I guess I can answer that questions myself b/c I have no choice really...
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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You can get your life in order, take care of things you need to do, and make a good life for yourself. Expect that your husband may say he doesn't want to be married. That is a consequence of the EA. But chances are good that he will wake up. You just have to be willing to stay calm, and not panic.
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OK..I will certainly follow that advice....I will try to make this a good trip when he comes home and be calm, relaxed,and act happy and tell him my needs/wants for this marriage...but in a loving way...if he still wants out, then he can go back to Iraq and I will go from there...
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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And he may say he wants out, go back to Iraq, and change his mind. He is under a lot of stress right now, and that causes lots of problems.
But you will be fine. Just don't think this thing is going to be solved quickly. That is the mistake most folks here make.
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This is the email he wrote back to me after I told him I wanted to work on our marriage and that I want him to stay here so we can spend some time together....
"im not staying at the house...im only going to be there a day or so in asheville, then im going to see mom and dad, and tracy..from there im not sure what im going to do. Ill just have to wait and see. I told you we will talk. You know that."
wow....
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Don't invite the WS into any more dialogue. They only talk stupid and hurt the BS. Vent here, keep a journal, work with your support group to keep you occupied, see your MC, read, read, read. But stay away from interaction with the WS. All your convo with him right now will antagonize the WS. Keep convo to a minimum (bills, important info, etc.) but no R talk. He needs to wonder what u r thinking. Right now you keep telling him and he gets to play around with your feelings like you are the base ball and he is the bat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> L. .
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So do you think that email was just frustration talking? you think i should not have told him i want to work on the marriage?
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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You told him because at the time, you felt you needed to. As you can see it did not have the desired result. So plan well and hold back from R discussion. He can't handle R discussions with a real woman.
Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. This stuff will test you at every turn.
take care,
L.
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OK...thanks L....I really appreciate it....
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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