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LoveGod Offline OP
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As far as I know, she has left Iraq...she left a couple of weeks ago...and this is what the H is telling me..I do not know for sure...it could be all a lie and she is still there....It seems like to me he has already made his decision and "checked out"....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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I was thinking she could be here, and he may be planning to spend time with her here.

Anyway, there is nothing you can do but ride it out.

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possibly..i don't even know where she lives or anything about her...not sure....i have not a clue....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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I think it's a typical WS response.

His hope is for you to back off and to give up on him.

Maintain your PLAN.

He is CONFUSED by your response to him.

He says:

Quote
Ill just have to wait and see. I told you we will talk. You know that."


I would even E-Mail him back and say SIMPLY something like:

"You are still welcome to stay at the house. I still want to work on our marriage because I made a commitment to spend the rest of my life with you and I love you."

Now, I think it was a good idea that you E-Mailed him. He knows what your position is and he knows that you have not given up..will not give up..

Think of it as a WAR...you will fight BATTLE by BATTLE...

As, I think, Orchid said, let him be the BAD GUY..as he is...that does all the work to end things....

I think he's being typical WS...and I definitely think there's a plan in place for him to meet with her...

Is there anyway to BUST it?

No idea who she is, huh?


Last edited by mimi1254; 11/24/06 12:59 PM.

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Np idea who she is....not a clue...I might find out more when he gets home....have no idea who she is or where she lives...do you honestly think I should still send him an email even after the response i got on the last one when I told him i wanted to work on the marriage? It seems like he is pissed off that i even mentioned working on the marriage....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Yes...Just a SIMPLE E-Mail this time.

It's GOOD that he's PISSED OFF...

He's PISSED OFF because his PLAN to get you to GIVE UP..didn't work....

YOU ARE WINNING THE BATTLE..so far...

I want you to have YOUR LAST WORD....

It's like when my FWH was calling me after D-DAY..and I was doing PLAN A...saying stuff like.."PLEASE GIVE UP ON ME"....He tried every tactic he could to get me to do just that..FROM MEANNESS..to BEGGING.... TRYING TO PROVOKING ME INTO ARGUMENTS....YUCK....


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OK, I did it...we'll see what he says, if anything at all...I cannot even begin to thank all of you for helping me out w/ this...If it had not been for you guys, I would have given up, given in, and let him walk away...But you guys have taught me so much in the past 3 weeks that I never ever had a clue about...Thank you for helping me and sticking by me..I appreciate it more than you will ever know.....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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I guess another thing that concerns me is if he cuts me off financially....He pays the rent on our house and my car payment...he knows that I cannot afford those two payments...The rent is in both of our names but my car is in my name....Also, I am his complete power of attorney so I can access his bank accounts if I absolutely have to. But they tell the guys overseas to get a seperate "secret" account, "just in case". I am not sure if he has one or not...I do get his bank statements every month and nothing seems out of the ordinary on them. Just a few things he bought online, ie clothes and medical books, which he told me he was going to buy...I just need to protect myself and if he gets sooooo mad b/c I won't give up on him, I am afraid he may make that rash decision to completely cut me off....My sis-in-law is a divorce attorney so I do have her on my side as far as info..But I was just wondering from anyone else's experience on here on what I should do...


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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That's why this place is so great. Others that have been in your place will encourage you not to give up. That stops a lot of divorces.

And the strange thing is that whether your marriage is recovered or not, you will be a happier and stronger person.

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OK, I guess another thing that concerns me is if he cuts me off financially....He pays the rent on our house and my car payment...he knows that I cannot afford those two payments...The rent is in both of our names but my car is in my name....Also, I am his complete power of attorney so I can access his bank accounts if I absolutely have to. But they tell the guys overseas to get a seperate "secret" account, "just in case". I am not sure if he has one or not...I do get his bank statements every month and nothing seems out of the ordinary on them. Just a few things he bought online, ie clothes and medical books, which he told me he was going to buy...I just need to protect myself and if he gets sooooo mad b/c I won't give up on him, I am afraid he may make that rash decision to completely cut me off....My sis-in-law is a divorce attorney so I do have her on my side as far as info..But I was just wondering from anyone else's experience on here on what I should do...


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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I also have the feeling that my H is still IC w/ the OW...I am not sure of it but I get the feeling he is...If he comes home and refuses to give up contact w/ her, what am I supposed to do? He is going to go back overseas and still remain in contact w/ her either via phone or email, unless she is still there...I am not sure what to do at that point? Any advice???


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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I just got back from Iraq, so I'll be able to answer some of your questions. (3 weeks since DDay, 2 weeks into plan A)

You asked about what to expect when he comes home on leave. One of the oppenning lines from the movie Apocalyse Now exlained my feelings, "When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle." Replace the word jungle with the word desert. While I was with my wife and kids everyday, I wasn't really there. Expect him to be suffering from post tramatic stress syndrome.

As far as him being able to leave early, yes he can. I left a month early to try to save my M after finding out WS was having an affair. As a contractor, the company can not force you to stay. The company may try to say otherwise. About the only thing that they can really hold over your head is any bonus for completing the contract. He may feel loyalty to the country, the soldiers, and the company.

I'm can only speculate on whether he is still in contact with the OW. Most of the people that I knew had only one thing on their minds when they were getting ready to leave, and that was home. I have a hard time seeing someone start a relationship right before they leave. But the situation down there is ripe for affairs. There is opportunity and the basics needs that are hard to meet during long distanst relationships makes affairs common in Iraq. Some people just get lonely. Email and phones calls are just not enough sometimes. Some people look for comfort as a way of dealing with all of the stress.

While the money that can be made in Iraq for some contractors is good, is it really worth losing a M over? I didn't think so.

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Welcome Monsterlab - Glad you are here. You will be very helpful to LG.

LG - I think you DO have to take into consideration that your husband and you are living different lives. You will never know what he has gone through, and he won't know how it has been for you. That is a recipe for disaster.

The affair may have been a way to deal with all of the stress, like Monsterlab stated. But you know your husband better than the OW.

I think I would continue emailing him, comforting him, and supporting his work. He married you for some reason, and he needs you now.

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Hey MonsterLab and thank you so much for responding to me...You are going to be very helpful to me, I think...I guess you have read from the very beginning on how everything started etc etc...Do they advise you guys to get a secret banking account "just in case". I have heard that...I am not sure what is going on w/ my WH...And I have told him over and over again that I have no idea what is going on over there and I wish I did but I can't begin to understand what it is like...I can't even imagine what he sees... I am sure he sees a lot...If you want to email me directly, I can certainly tell you what company he is w/...I don't really want to divulge all that on here...But any info you can give me will be so much appreciated!!!! And believer, thank you for hanging in there w/ me...And I will certainly take your advice..you seem to know a lot more about this than I do and I appreciate your input very much....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Yes, it was probably recommended to him to setup a seperate bank account. This isn't something official, it's more of letting him know that being gone a year is known to cause problems and he's getting advise from people who have learned through experience, whether it's their own or someone elses. Divorce rate amoung U.S. Army officers is well over 50% right now, so he's probably heard a lot of horror stories. As has been mentioned on this MB, the common experience for someone in the military who is going through this is some sort of Dear John letter or talk followed by a quick emptying of the bank account.

I was told to create a seperate account before I left but I never did.

Whether he has or not, you'll have to find out. If you have access to bank statements, then you'll have to look at them. If you can look at his pay statement from the company, even better.

It's a difficult subject for you to bring up. If you question him about it too much, he may think you are planning of emptying his bank account. One of the deciding factors for me to leave early was I thought my WS was going to do that to me. She started talking about how all of the money I'd made was hers because she'd helped me earn it by being M to me. It's difficult to contact the outside world while in Iraq. Calling banks in the U.S. means making calls in the middle of the night which may or may not get through, voice quality sucks so it's sometimes difficult to understand someone during a phone call. It's very difficult to setup a new bank account while in Iraq. If he sets one up while on leave....

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Can he not set up an account online? I do get his monthly bank statements but not his paystubs...And I look at his bank statements and nothing is really out of the ordinary...I am not going to question him about it b/c he may get alarmed...I just wish my H would realize that the money is not worth our marriage but I am not sure he does...he is so scared of commitment and closeness which is why he left 6 weeks after we got married....But he's not going to be there forever, but I don't know that I can wait forever....he just seems so angry and depressed...He has been over there since 10/04...he came home 11/05, our house burned and then he stayed here until 3/06...and his contract is up 3/07 but when he took this sup's position, "we" agreed on 09/07..but kissing this OW was not part of that agreement....so all bets are off as far as I am concerned....but I am not sure he will come home in March but I so want him too..I know I can't beg...but how do I make him realize that our M is not worth the $ ?


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Do you live in NC?


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. . .

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