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Well. I do want to work on the marriage...But in order for that to happen, he has to be here PHYSICALLY..


To me, it is interesting for you to say this. When you two agreed for him to go to Iraq, didn't you two continue to have it in mind that you would WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE while apart? I don't know how couples do that..but you must have had some thoughts about this, correct? If you did not, maybe that made your marriage vulnerable to this affair. So, in other words, WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE would mean improving upon what you were doing already. Make sense?

Plus, won't you see him at all when he returns in a few weeks?

It is really necessary to do PLAN A before PLAN B..which is the LAST RESORT after PLAN A.


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hey Mimi...when he and I got married in Jan., there was no talk of him going back. He brought up the idea again in Feb. and I supported him on it b/c of all the money we lost when our home burned down Nov. last year. So yes, I did think that we could work on our marriage being 7000 miles away...but I was not aware of "emotional needs" 10 months ago and how important it was to have your H or W with you in order for it to work. I thought, just like so many other people, that our marriage was "invincible" and could "survive" the seperation. Well, haha, guess what...I was soooooooo wrong. And also, I just knew and would have bet my life on it that my H would have NEVER done this to me since it was done to him by his 1st W. Well, I was wrong again. So, now I understand the importance of being physically together. And as Dr. Harley told me, he said it was crucial for him to come home in order for this to work. And Mimi, if you remember from the emails that went on b/t me and H, he said "he didn't want to stay here and that he was not going to spend that much time here." He said that "we are going to talk but he is not staying at the house but we would talk and then he would go see his parents". So the last I heard from him, we were going to talk, he would leave, and we would not spend any time together. I think that was a knee-jerk reaction to my email that I sent to him telling him that I love him and want this marriage to work and want to spend time with him when he comes home. I may have "scared" him. Chicken-s**t.....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Have you heard anything from him lately?

Any word from him on where he plans on staying when he comes to TALK?

He might not want to spend much time with his parents after you talk with him mother....teehee....


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I have not heard from him since 2 days ago...when he and I had that im conversation that I posted on here....I have not heard his voice in over 3 weeks....I am sure he is avoiding me b/c whenever I email or im him, all I want to do is ask questions and "talk" about it....which I sure makes him p***ed...So I know that I cannot do that anymore...He said he is not sure where is going to stay..he does not know anyone here in our hometown so he may go to a hotel...who knows...then he was talking about going to see his parents and then he "wasn't sure" what he was going to do...I did talk to his Mom last night and she was very supportive. She was in shock and could not believe it. She seems to think that he is feeling very guilty about this and the fact that he is seeing what he is seeing over there and having to deal w/ all the crap over there, that he has "compartmentalized" and put this on the "back burner" until he gets home. He has even told me over and over again that he has to put this on the "back burner". So I have left him alone...I have not emailed him since Monday...But I did leave him with the message that I love him and that I want this marriage to work. I am not sure what else to do....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Now it's time to PRAY..put it in God's hands..and see what happens when he comes home...

I think you've done all that you can do...SO FAR...


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Yes, you are right...And I have been praying and praying everyday....I have to let go and let God....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Man, I am having a bad night...I have been feeling very strong up until about 3 hours ago...I feel so sad and afraid right now....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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The Lord is with you... He will never leave you or forsake you...

Trust in Him with all your heart....

I found it helpful to read Psalms...

I also liked Ephesians a lot...PUT ON YOUR ARMOR to fight the forces of evil...


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Thank you Mimi...I am just so sad....I went all day w/o crying and now the floodgates have opened...I am just so afraid.....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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You're going to hurt, Love..and I feel sooo sad for you.

You have been betrayed by your H..

Hold on..it'll get better..with time...


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You are right....so right...Today I am feeling better....I am strapped financially but I really don't want to call my H and ask him for $...I hate doing that since he already pays rent and my car payment....ugh!!!!!


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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You do need to ask him for money if you need it.

He is YOUR HUSBAND and is RESPONSIBLE for PROVIDING for you..especially since that was the point of his deployment.

Go ahead and simply ask him or even just TELL him what you need.

Do you have access to his bank account? I forgot.


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No, I dont have access to his account....he already pays for my rent and car payment....the reason I need money is b/c I am not budgeting my money the way I should be....I make my own money but i am a terrible budgeter...i don't spend freely, i guess my utilities are more than i can afford...does that make any sense?


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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No, I dont have access to his account....he already pays for my rent and car payment.


Do you see this as a BIG DEAL?

He SHOULD pay for these expenses. It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY legally and morally to PROVIDE for you. It is his DUTY. HE IS YOUR HUSBAND. I'm hearing that you are not speaking as if you are married. You are speaking as if you are SEPARATE ENTITIES..That is what a DIVORCE does. Now you are MARRIED.

Being a married couple, ideally, you two would make a BUDGET together, coming up with some spending and payment PLAN...POLICY OF JOINT AGREEMENT..according to MBers...

But, right now, if you have financial needs, go ahead and ASK him to HELP you.

Actually this is GOOD PLAN A stuff..this will/should make him feel manly and will STRESS your point of that YOU ARE HIS WIFE....

I am a professional, making a substantial income, but I made sure that my H maintained his financial responsibilities to ME as well as OUR SONS....

I think it put a damper in some of their PARTYING... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


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Well he and I did come up w/ a financial arrangement b4 he left...he would pay for my rent and my car and i pay the utilities...well i have fallen a little short and need some help...well mimi, i just asked him and he got so angry at me...he was so mean and ugly to me...he told me to give up our dog since i can't afford the pet sitter....i can't believe he is being so mean and nasty to me....i am so hurt...all over again..and i have been doing so well the past couple of days....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Hey Mimi and Orchid..I know I have probably asked this a million and one times and I appreciate the response you gave to me on what I should do w/ these scenarios...But what I was wanting to know is how do I respond to these scenarios? What do I say to him when one of these happens? I have read a lot about PLan A but I am not sure I have been doing Plan A correctly. If he does come home and wants out and he walks out the door, what am I to do? How do I respond? I know that Plan A is a lot about meeting his needs, making home comfortable and safe, working on yourself, but if he is not here, how do I do all that? How do I meed his needs and make it safe here if he is 7000 miles away? or if he wants out, do I go into Plan B? i pasted the scenarios again for you guys. I just want to know how to respond to him or react to him or what to say to him when one of these happen which I know for certain will. I am trying to prepare the best I can so I don't fall apart or break down in front of him. Knowing what to do will make me feel so much stronger when I see him. Thanks you guys so much for being there for me and being patient w/ me....


1. My WH comes home, he wants out, he does not love me anymore, he does not want to be married anymore which is why he is not wanting to stay at the house w/ me.

2. My WH comes home, he loves this girl, they ARE still in contact, she IS still over there and he wants to be with her.

3. My WH comes home, he is remorseful, he is sorry, he wants to work it out, and he will do whatever he needs to do in order for that to happen.

4. My WH comes home, says that the EA is over, nothing else happened but a few kisses (maybe I believe him,maybe I don't) BUT he doesn't know what he wants. He is confused and he is not sure what he wants at all. But he still does not stay at the house, he comes home, lays all of that on me, and then leaves to go back overseas.


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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Read the Ark Plan A posts on pain's thread..where she talks about SPEAKING THE TRUTH....about your pain....

Keep SPEAKING YOUR OWN TRUTHS regardless of HIS scenario....

Do this any chance that you get..

Make him do the dirty work..

If he proceeds legally, STATE your plan to get all the you deserve..including SPOUSAL SUPPORT, etc.

I expected him to be angry regarding your request for monetary assistance...

I hope you didn't back down though...

Also, read Ark's more recent thread about PLAN A and the WS..

He's looking for any rationalization to see you negatively...

But continue to keep moving forward..being the best that you can be....

Later....


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Oh yea he was pissed about me asking for money....and no I did not back down...I actually made him feel guilty for it b/c I told him that I had to fire my pet sitter, and turn my heat down to 63 degrees...but then he threw in my face the fact that he is facing bombs and mortars and dead bodies, etc etc. To be honest, mimi, I am not great w/ money and I know that he is paying for my rent, my car payment and my credit card debt....but he offered to do all of that before he left....and he knew all this before he married me...he kept saying that it was cheaper and costing him less when he owned a home and was not...married...ouch...but anyway...i think he is mad at what he has done and trying to place some blame on me to try to make himself feel better....i guess i just need to know the right responses to say to him when he comes home....


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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ok, now i am getting irritated...Ark says Plan A is not about me but about doing for the WS....AHHHHHHHHHH....according to her thread, she says "it ia not about doing for oneself, but it is ALL about doing for the WS"....am I just missing something????


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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ok, believe it or not,i think i have it...NO MATTER what my WH says, just be kind, no arguing, state my boundaries w/ love and a gentle tone, make him feel safe to come home, let him know that i love him and want this marriage to work, no LB's, do RB, take care of myself, be happy, move on w/ my life, do pester, beg, or plead w/ him...am I on the right track here ladies??????


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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