Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 13 of 13 1 2 11 12 13
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Remember your plan is NOT to change him but to change you. Make your plan A changes. He knows what he needs to do. He may slide back a bit before he moves forward. That's a chance you both have to take. If you don't want to take that chance anymore, then plan B or D.

See there is more in your court than you realize. Him admitting he doesn't like himself and knowing you know about the A has put a major blow on the A.

Good job!

L.

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
What GOOD news!!!!!

Now he has talked to you about finances, get busy working hard on those.

All in all, your situation seems very hopeful.

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
I agree with B and Orchid!!!

VERY HOPEFUL INDEED!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Hey ya'll...yes we talked ALOT about finances...that was a really big thing w/ him....We both went and looked at cheaper places for us to live once our lease is up at the end of April, I have gotten another fulltime job making much better money than I am now...he and I have come up w/ a good financial plan about paying some things off...I just hope that he sticks to our plan that we have come up with...I just hope and pray, that when he gets back over in that "environment", that he does not waver back and forth and back and forth...He has said that he really wants to conme home and go to the police academy and he keeps talking about coming home at the end of april or beginning of may..i just hope he sticks to that....one day at a time, i assume?


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Post deleted by LoveGod


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Since he is still a WS, expect stupid OW contact.

The difference will be how YOU will be handling it. You are done with your plan A, he has said he wants to come home. The A is exposed and if contact EA/PA resumes it will be under the cloud of all that has happened. It won't be as 'fun' for them no matter how much they try. That's good.

For you, you will find yourself going through stages. Read my link and about the stages of grieving and be prepared. Also you can work on identifying your boundaries, secure your finances and prepare plan B. Finish reading His Needs/Her Needs.

L.

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
So my plan A is over? Can I continue w/ Plan A? If not, what is my next step and what do I do and how do I act? Do I send the Plan B letter? Or just stay in Plan A for now? Now I am just speculating, but he may not have any contact w/ her...I don't know-I am expecting it though-OK, now again, I am dependant, for right now, on him financially...he and I both know that and that will continue until May-he knows it and he's ok w/ it....now, as far as my boundaries, do they apply when you go into PLan B or can I implement them while in Plan A? Just not sure what route to go now,....stay in Plan A and see for a bit or go straight to PLan B...HELP


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Wish we had the answer to that one. We don't know what he will do when he goes back. Continue working on yourself, making the necessary changes, not being clingy and needy.

I think his trip home turned out very well. Stay in Plan A.

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Yes. You can only control yourself. Even those of us whose WSes were living with us, had NO CONTROL over the contact with the OP.

Your PLAN A was so abbreviated that PLAN B should not be a consideration for you until you have spent more uninterrupted time with him.

Continue to be loving in your contacts with him and maintain work on your finances.

Merry Xmas, Love....


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Since you have access to his E-Mails do you have her E-Mail address?

Have you been able to find out who she is and/or anything else about her?


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Post deleted by LoveGod


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Post deleted by LoveGod


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
This is where you need to exercise patience. It is now going t/b a bit harder for you since you do know more. However, you can utilize this time to strengthen yourself.

Reality is that you s/b prepared for their contact. So have you identified your boundaries? What are you working on?

Pay more attention to what you are doing than what he is doing. His job is to tell you the truth of what he is REALLY doing and your job to figure out if you believe your H or the WS.

L.

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Yes, I know I have t/b prepared for them to be in contact-Not sure if it is going to go further than that...I am working on me and the things that I need to fix w/ myself...He has said that he is thinking seriously about coming home in May and has told his family the same thing..I may do a Plan A until then and then reevaluate...I don't expect him to be honest w/ me while he is over there...something just tells me that he won't..and I am not banking on it...anything else I should be doing now while he is there other than Plan A?


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Is there some EXPOSURE that you think might be helpful since you know who she is?

I was even thinking about you E-Mailing her if she E-Mails him..

Nothing ugly on your part..just saying..Hi..I'm Mrs. LoveGod or something like that..." I learned that you are a friend of My Husband's....and leave it at that...


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
L
LoveGod Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 201
Post deleted by LoveGod


God Bless A "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
"did want to say a few things about how hurtful and painful this has all been to me.."

None of this, Love.

There's a good chance she doesn't care about your pain, etc.

I was thinking of EXPOSURE...letting her and/or others know that you are onto her...A WAR TACTIC..an ASSAULT...

This was a turning point in my situation..

I simply called the OW and said "Hi, I'm Mrs. Mimi..Mr. Mimi's WIFE ...asked her some nonsensical question about her work and then hungup...freaked her out... my H then quickly came up with a ruse to keep me from contacting her boss..I still regret that I did not do more exposure of her...


You might put this out to others and see what they think..

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Last edited by mimi1254; 12/26/06 04:03 PM.
Page 13 of 13 1 2 11 12 13

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5