Hale yes!!

It was the darkest most horrible place I've ever been in.

I seriously lost my mind.

I almost lost everything...

Your WW needs you to be STRONG!

Don't let her destroy herself or your family w/o a fight!



Yes, that's right.

Your WW thinks that getting rid of you will make her happy.

She's delusional.

She needs you to not let her foggy state affect your thinking.

She needs a hero.

Will you be her hero?

~ Marsh

Please answer Mr. W's questions.

~ Marsh

SC,

I'm still offering to talk. Email me with your phone number and we can chat. You'll get through this.

I'll still give you a call if you'd like, but I'm going to be unavailable until about 7:30-8pm EST. I wish you the best.

Hey everyone,

First, thanks Mortarman for the talk tonight. It was just what I needed to get out of my own fog.

Jim, I'll e-mail you also and we can chat tomorrow or whenever you might be available.

Marsh, I appreciate your comments and insight as a FWW.

Everyone else, thanks also for your comments and ideas. Please keep kicking me in my tail because I need it.

Yes, I know who the OM is. I know where he lives, I know his phone numbers. WW already had PA with him once before.

OK, I am planning my next move to storm the gates so to speak. I need a plan to execute rather than flying by the seat of my pants. That's what I did this time and that's why I crumbled.

Please pray for me and my WW.

SC,

I can probably give you a call around 12pm EST if you email me your number. I have got to drive back from the plant to my office (about a 30 minute drive), and I'd rather help coach you through this than hear about how bad the Rams suck on sports talk radio.

SC,

Looking back over things could this really be a continuation of the PA with the OM from 3 years ago? It looks like your recovery over the last three 3 years was rocky...I'm betting your wife kept OM around on the side as "just friends"...which made recovery impossible. Good news, she may just be an run of the mill adulterer and not a serial cheater.

As far as this being an EA...NO WAY, the new lingerie you referred to in your first post along with a sex toy and the fact this is the same OM from a PA from three years ago is a dead give-away. Trust the observable facts...not what your wife tells you.

In case you didn't know....I am an attorney. Steve H. is trying to save your marriage, I want you to save your marriage BUT I also want you to protect your backside legally by getting into YOUR HOME. This marriage may or may not be savable in the end. If it's the latter, you need to maintain a strong position to protect your children from her, OM and her mental instability (ED) and immorality. This affair may take a hurculian effort to squash. If it's as I suspect, a continuation of the affair from 3 years ago, her rationalization and justifications are going to be difficult to surmount. She will likely feel she gave you a chance AND that OM and her are soulmates (more like assoulmates) because she/they tried so hard to be apart and give up the affair but just couldn't. Problem is...she likely NEVER gave him up.

Whatever you do...don't tell her about this place. You can't teach her right now and this is your support forum.

YOU will make it.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W...it is a continuation. After talking with SC last night, it appears that they did not handle the last time well. Kind of swept it under the rug! And it appears to have laid dormant at the very least, or continued undetected over this time.

Oh...and I love the "assoulmates." we need to add it to the lexicon.

Yes this is actually a continuation from 3 years ago. As MM said, we never dealt with it properly and she never gave him up. We need real recovery this time, and it starts with me taking the first real step, not these fake steps I have tried.

So, what's your plan of action?

What's your next step?

~ Marsh

SC,

I am probably going to leave a little earlier that expected. Shoot me your number if you want to talk. My email is on my profile.

I feel like I am banging my head against the wall with this whole exposure thing. WW asks why I told her mom. I told her it was because I needed to expose the A. She continues to deny, deny, deny, even though the clues are there, says I am making it what I want it to be.

For those of you who have been down this road, how did you not get so frustrated by continued denial. Do they eventially break down? I just want to say "prove to me there is nothing going on."

SC, relax. What did we talk about last night?? This is a PROCESS, right? This is gonna take time.

You need to get yourself to understand this. To not expect too much here. She is dancing the dance of the WS...right along the WS Handbook. Whether it is a PA or EA is immaterial to what you have to do (of course, you need to get the goods on the PA for legal action, though).

Remember, your path is clear. And it is the same, whether or not she stays. And whether or not you want to stay married to her.

So, stop worrying about what she says!! She hasnt a clue what she is talking about. If she came home drunk one night and started saying a bunch of stuff, would you take what she said as fact? Or would you just understand that she is drunk and spouting off?

Well, she is "drunk" and addicted right now. So, stop trying to make sense out of nonsense.

Active WS's lie. It's part of their nature. Don't expect anything else. If you are sure that the A is going on, you don't need to get your WS's confirmation that it is.

A possible answer to her denials: "I'm sorry, but behaviour X, Y, and Z, suggests to me that you are having an A. You may say otherwise, but my thoughts on this are are primarily based on what I know about you have done and what you continue to do, not on what you choose to tell me."

Mortarman,

I just got done talking with SC. He knows what he needs to do, and I'm sure he will be able to implement it. We'll call it nuclear WW defogging. I'm sure he'll be back here very soon telling us about how his WW completely flipped out.

SC,

I know it is difficult to laugh right now, but one of the things that I did that made me feel good was to talk to a mutual friend (who was on my side) and have a good laugh about all the stupid crap that came out of my WW's mouth. All the stupid rationalizations, justifications, excuses, and strange coincidences were all comical when you actually stepped back to look at things. Step back and have a laugh to yourself about the WW implosion.

P.S. DO NOT LET HER TAKE YOUR CHILDREN! TELL HER NO! GRAB HER LAPTOP AND CELLPHONE AND DO NOT GIVE THEM BACK!

Jim,

Good points!

Ha, Ha - Nuclear WW Defogging = NWWD from here on out.

I hear NWWD is quite painful.

I know we still havent found the NWWDs in Iraq yet!

Be careful with the "GRABBING" of stuff...you don't want to give her any real scenario with which to file a restraining order against you. She MAY make one up all by herself, that you can't control but no sense handing her a viable fact pattern on a silver platter.

Exposure, your presence in the home and a non-enabling demeanor will do far more than snatching away her computer. You can't control her...take the computer and she'll find another way to continue her adultery. You CAN ask for it, but the real goal is to get either her or OM to end the affair by making it the more difficult painful choice.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W makes some great points!!

She will no doubtedly make false accusations against you to get you out of the house.

Or, she will cry to the judge that she "had to move out" because you were acting "scarey" and "irrational."

Make sure all of your movements are measured and rational. Make sure they are confined to what we talked about. Which means, anything you do should be to bolster and protect the family. The family home, the family finances, the kids.

As I said, if she chooses to leave the family, then she can go. But, you and the kids choose to stay in the family. Thus, anything you do to promote, expand, protect, etc the family, if done reasonably...will be seen by the judge as reasonable.