I haven't been active much, I thought that things were getting better. It would seem that while my WS stopped the A with the one gal he has since made a new "friend". He insists that they are just friends but the fact that he was keeping it from me makes it hard to believe. This is a woman he has met through his work. I noticed his cell phone bill had not come to the house and suspected he had changed the address to go to his home office which would then forward it in his weekly fed ex packets...and I was right. And the day after Thanksgiving I saw the bill and noticed this particular phone number that he was calling and receiving call from as well as text messages. He says that he didn't do anything wrong and that she was just a friend - that he met her and they just clicked. I called her and asked her what her relationship with my husband was and she said it was stictly professional...however given the amount of calls and times of the calls on occassion I do not believe they were talking business and my husband has said it was more than professional since they were friends. He doesn't seem to think he did anything wrong and says he was afraid to tell me about it given everything that has happened and he was afraid of my reaction. He gets anygry that I go through his mail and such because he wants his privacy. When I ask him how else I am supposed to rebuild my trust in him he does not have an answer. He has finally agreed to go to at least one counseling session with me which is on the 15th and said he would not talk to her anymore since I was so upset by it. He insists that he does not want to lose me but says that all we ever talk about is our kids and my "stupid family" as he puts it. I told him if we can't find a way to rebuild the trust that we should just end things now and he feels that if we can't find more things in common to talk about there is no point in staying together. I am at such a crossroads here. On one hand I want to try one last effort to get our marriage back on track...on the other I just don't want to bother anymore because I am SO FREAKING TIRED of the lies and deception. I have no faith or trust in him and very little respect at this point. I am tired of second guessing everything. I am tired of feeling so bad about myself and so unhappy in general. I do not like the person that I have become in the last year and a half not to mention I doubt what I thought was the truth for the last 8 years of our marriage.

I should probably mention that the 2nd D-Day listed is in regards to the first A - that was the day I finally found out it had not been an EA. I just recently found out about this new "friend" the day after Thanksgiving. I had no idea and would never have suspected had I not seen the cell phone bill. He tells me he loves me all the time and I really thought things were slowly getting better.

He has also said that he sent the new "friend" a text message telling her that they can not continue their friendship because it is causing problems with me and I know that she sent him a text message telling him that I had called her, which he already knew since I had told him. Of course the only reason I know any of this is because I asked...apparently he didn't think it was enough of an "issue" to just let me know.

What do I do?

You need to speak get your WH to schedule a phone session w/ Dr. Harley today. Usually a marriage cannot survive a second case on infidelity. Your WH has not learned his lessons from the first A, and is engaging in secretive behavior again. I would get him to read SAA, get and emergency counseling session, and state your boundaries. You have already dealt with one affair, and will not deal with a second. He needs to send this OW a NC letter immediately. Maybe you should get him to fill out his EN questionnaire. Maybe you are still not fulfilling his EN that led to the first A. Maybe he is just a repeat offender who cannot change. Whatever your situation, DO NOT TOLERATE this contact with the OW. IT IS A VIOLATION OF YOUR BOUNDARIES, and he should protect you from future affairs by respecting your boundaries.