(((((((L2S)))))))) You did it, Hon. You took a HUGE step towards your future and your freedom of abuse! And you also took a positive step for your daughter. I am SOOO proud of you!

I know you're scared and sad. There will be tons of emotions to follow this. But at least you know that "this" pain is "pain with a purpose". It's going somewhere. It's a path to recovery.

The one thing I'd like to say is as much as you will be overwhelmed by all of the emotions, just please, PLEASE be safe. Emotions can make us very vulnerable and could cloud our judgments. Just try to be alert at all times and cautious. You don't know what his next move may be, so stay aware and realistic.

I agree with Ark, that it is a good idea to keep a plan in your back pocket at ALL times, for ANY type of scenario that could arise. Be ready to file for a R/O at any given time, and to do whatever necessary to protect yourself and your daughter. You have to ensure your safety during this time.

With that said, CONGRATULATIONS! (Even though I know it doesn't feel like a special moment, right now. In time, it will.)

((((((L2S))))))) You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Jen

Jen,
Thanks. It really hasn't sunk in.

Sad news. Got a call from the real estate agent. The seller took the other offer. My D is still crying. The house was an absolutely adorable cottage on a pond with neighborhood pool.

We were already talking about what would go where and what improvements we could make but, we couldn't compete with 100% cash money, no inspection, etc.

So, God has something better. It just hurts. Two hurts in one day. She doesn't know about me signing the divorce papers yet. That would probably cheer her up but I'll wait until a little farther down the road.

The agent is looking for other houses in that subdivision for me. There are some other cute ones and I don't have to move until I'm ready to.

I will surround myself with people. I have a good family/friend support group. He'll go immediately to the XW or to the OW. He will quickly move on and be in love with someone else. I think it's the high he gets from that new in love feeling.

I'm just interested in healing, peace, being with family and friends.

And, you know, I'm wondering if this wasn't just a push from God to sign the papers. I had to sign the papers in order to have the money to buy the house. So, I signed the papers and a contract. The contract fell through but I didn't know that when I signed the divorce papers.

Anyway, I'm sad for both reasons. Heck, I think I'm sadder about the house!!!

Love you all.

We love you, too, L2S. I'm glad that you will have support all around you. You will need this.

I'm sorry to hear about the cottage. But...this is just the beginning of all the new things you'll have to look forward to. Just looking at the cottage can open the door to so much excitement to what you have to look forward to. As we've learned so far, the answers may not be what we think they are, or when we think it will be in the beginning, but this only means that something better is awaiting.

It'll happen, L2S, one day at a time. You are doing awesome!

Hang in there, and just be prepared for when it does finally sink in. It may hit you out of the blue. But that's ok, just allow yourself to feel all of it, so it can exit it's way out.

You and your daughter will do well!

L2S, I'm SOOOOO proud of you!

You've taken the first step in creating a whole wonderful new life for you and your D!

Sorry about the cottage, but I'm sure there is the PERFECT house for you and your D!

Just be safe!!

L2S,

Things are better in color, no?

That feeling - optimism - it's about your future, your life, with happiness and warmth. DD and you, without fear.

You said something I had to laugh at - you said he will start dating again - hasn't he already started???? LOL, that.

You will also start dating, when you are ready. Take your time to heal. To be clear. To be YOU.

Then God will bring to you the real love. Right when you are no longer looking for it.

Godspeed, L2S. Your life began anew today. Take care of yourself in the transition, but I think now that you have taken a stand for yourself, your STBXH will move on.

Prayers,
SB

Congrats on a very healthy move!

Can you get a police escort to go get your stuff before he destroys it in retaliation?

I am such a chicken!!!!

It was so easy to sign the papers with him out of town. He returns tomorrow.

I've gotten some calls on my cell that say unknown caller. That's what the caller ID said when he called me on Monday. I haven't attempted to call him at all. I'm scared to answer the phone b/c when I do he will ask if I signed the papers.

I'm scared to tell him that I have. I'm scared to answer the phone in case it's him.

Geez. I just know in my gut that how he will react and I'm scared of him. Oh well. It will be over soon hopefully. I hope he won't drag it out. We both must attend a "be nice" class that all w/minor kids must take before the D is final.

be strong be brave your the sane one, what plan are you in?

He knows. He is coming back from the trip today; called me this morning. He asked if I had signed the papers. I said Yes.

He asked if I knew that meant that we were over? He asked if this was truly what I wanted and that it's still not too late to stop it.

I told him that I believe this is what is best. Too much has gone on to be able to get past it all and regain trust and respect for each other.

He asked about me getting my things out of the house. Told him I would make arrangements.

He said that I could now date others and that I knew what that meant for him. I told him that my decision had nothing to do with dating. That's not something I intend to jump into any time soon. I need some alone time, some L2S time, to heal and determine where I want to go from here.

He said that this would mean that he would put into place some of those things and some of those thoughts he has had if we did D. I interpreted this to mean him moving away or a veiled threat of suicide. I did not ask him to elaborate.

I do feel a lot better now that he knows. It isn't easy. I do care about him. I've tried recently to really examine my feelings for him. I think I care. I think I feel sympathy for him. I don't believe I love him and I'm not "in love" with him. I think I pity him more than anything.

Thanks all.

H is on his way home now. Should be here in about 4-5 hours.

He is talking about coming home, getting in his truck and just leaving. He is talking about closing the business, selling the house (asked if I wanted to buy it).

I'm hurting too but I really believe that this is the best thing. Nothing happens without a reason. I wonder if God's way of pushing me was for the house I wanted to have someone else put a contract on it. I had to put a contract on it or lose it (which happened anyway) but in order to be able to buy the house if the seller chose our offer, I would have to get the D and the settlement money.

So, was that God's push to get me off my behind and take care of the paperwork? Who knows but, it worked. I might still not have signed if that had not happened.

He called me on the way home yesterday from his trip. He asked if I had signed the papers. I told him yes.

He has cried and begged me to hold off on the D.
He has asked me to give him time to show me that he can change.
He has apologized for everything he has done wrong.

He is now threatening suicide.

I called his best friend after I swore I never would again b/c of the way he acted the last time I called him. Again, he acted like I was making it up. Instead of him going to check on him, he called the next door neighbor who happened to be the one who knew all about his last A and told him to get rid of me.

He did take a couple of pills but did not OD.

He called today begging again. Now, b/c I told him "no", there's no going back, he's leaving and will go somewhere and end it all.

I'm so torn between calling someone and just not answering the phone if he calls again. Everything hasn't been settled yet, i.e. I don't have the money from the settlement or my things from the house......

It's like a sick game to him.

I'm so frustrated with this.

Honey, you're divorced. He is not your problem anymore. I'm sure you have LOTS of better things to do.

Go house hunting!!!

L2S,

This is what you predicted, so be strong and know that he is meerly trying to manipulate you into doing what he wants. A applaud you on being strong and signing the papers.

xring

I just wish he didn't have to play this card.

He tells me he loves me but, in the next breath, he's saying that he is going to commit suicide b/c he can't live without me.

My fear is that he may do this. If yes, how do I live with myself? It won't be my fault but, .............

He has been calling all day. He is getting ready to leave and is going away to end it all.

He hasn't told anyone else. He isn't telling anyone where he is going. He just dropped this bomb on ME. He just wanted to let ME know that he is going away to commit suicide.

I pray to God that he is just trying to get me back by this threat. Hoping that I will say that we'll work on it if he makes this threat.

Call the police and his family.... there is nothing more that you can do. He is emotionally blackmailing you.

Yep...Call the police and let THEM call his family.

On the eensy weensy chance that he is serious...this is your best course of action.

And...

It disengages you.

And...

It does not gratify that threat by drawing you back in [which is the purpose].

Whether they actually DO it or not people who make suicide threats are not right in the head...so I'm really glad he is no longer a part of your life.

Call the police and then stop answering when he calls.

He is emotionally blackmailing me.

He tells me this stuff but acts totally normal around everyone else.

I called his best friend last night b/c I was worried and he acted as though he did not believe me. But, I have no way of knowing what my H may have told him.

He is still saying that he intends to leave and end it all. He is telling me that he will leave a will of sorts with his best friend and he will handle his affairs.

Such a sad mess.

(((((L2S)))) It will be ok, Honey! If he *chooses* to do this, then he will HIS choice to do so. You do not own that, he does. This is just a tactic he is using to cause you guilt and despair. It's all about control. The more control he loses, the more dramatic he has to become. He's not accustomed to you standing up for yourself, so he is desperate.

Staying with someone under these types of circumstances, (emotional blackmail) would only be a temporary fix for him, before he would have to move on to something bigger, like threatening YOUR life, or that of your daughter's.

This is one of those times when you have to only think of YOU. I know that sounds cold and selfish, but it's come down to this. It's either him or you. And L2S, for so long, it has been all about him. It's time for you to put the focus and energy where it belongs, and that's on yourself and your daughter.

Don't get sucked into his game. I know it's hurting you to even hear him say the words, but you must stand your ground. Don't answer the phone anymore. Just do as the others have said, and call the police. Big issues must have big solutions, and in this case, that would be the police.

(((L2S))) I'm thinking of you, friend! Hang in there, and just keep reminding yourself of how far you have come! You're doing great!

Jen

Call the police and report it. We have had a WH here commit suicide. I would go away somewhere where he can't find you. The most dangerous time is when a victim is trying to leave. He might decide to do something to you and your daughter too.

Did you get a restraining order as part of the paperwork?