My wife of 6 years and mother of my 4 young children just recently confessed to having a one-night-stand with another man.

The only reason I think she confessed(otherwise I think she would of never told me) is that she went to the doctor and found out she was given Chlamydia from the guy she slept with. She called me from work that day crying and telling me I'm gonna hate her and divorce her because there is something she had to tell me. When she got home and told me that she was drunk and she slept with this guy, I didnt know what to say or do. She also told me she did use a condom, which I kind of find hard to believe. My heart felt like it dropped to my gut, then I felt anger like I never felt before.

The next few days I kinda kept to myself , and I couldnt get that picture out of my head. She told me that she wouldnt go out no more or ever talk to the the "OP" again or anything, then I finally told her I forgave her. For the next couple of days things were actually better than ever, I just wanted to be with her and love her and hold her and not let her go, but after a week or so it started to fade off and I find myself picturing that over and over and getting mad. I try not to throw it in her face but I just get so mad I find a way to bring it up and start a fight. She always tries to say "it was a mistake I am sorry It will never happen again", but I dont know what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I need to get revenge somehow, but that probably wouldnt be the best thing to do. I just wanted to tell somebody so thats why I'm here.

If anyone has any advice or anything that could help me please do.

The affair is a symptom that something is lacking in your marriage, or in the character of your Wife, or both.

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" and "His Needs/Her Needs" and learn about the dynamics of affairs and how marriages become vulnerable.

Your W may not be a "bad" person, but she put herself in a position to make a very bad decision, and that is something she must learn to protect herself from.

You will go through a hundred different emotions, sometimes one at a time, and some times, all at once. You will feel anger, like never before. It's how you work through that anger that may be key in recovering from this emotional trauma.

Read Surviving an Affair first, and consider setting up counseling for you and your W to help both of you understand how and why this might have happened. This does not have to be the end of your marriage.

Lastly, don't make any life altering decisions while you are in such an emotional turmoil. Calm down and take some time to digest all this, and make rational decisions that you have pondered in detail.

Best wishes,
SD

Welcolm to MB forum, and so sad you had to be here. There are lots of great people here who will be immence help if you allow them to. You will hear some great advise. Hang in there.

Well, in the light of an STD contracted by your WW, you now need to consider what else needs to be done. You and your WW need to immediately get tested for all STD's and sadly, yes HIV as well. Notice I said you and your WW!
When the results are in, be sure your WW shows you a copy of the report. Sadly, WW's are not always truthful.

How long ago did this happen? Do you know anything OM? Is he married. If so, you probably should find out about OM and expose to his W.

I know the unbelievabe emotions you are going through right now, as my FWW got drunk with her boss and did exactly the same thing. I discovered it when I was dx with HPV. Not bad after 32 years of M, right?

I'll watch for your post's and try to help with the emotional rollar coaster you are about to ride. It's a nightmare, but with help, you can through it and have a stronger M than ever.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I am only a month into finding out that my husband had an emotional affair, "supposedly" no sex, and am still working through the roller coaster of emotions. I can tell you that for the past 4 weeks, I have experienced more waves of emotions than I could explain - anger, rage, pain, depression, loneliness, confusion, disorientation...this list goes on. From what I have read on this site, that is normal and will last a long time. Once the trust has been betrayed, I'm not sure if the same relationship can ever be restored but I think it's possible to form a new one - IF she's totally honest with you. I'm still trying to figure out what to believe and what not to believe.

I experienced the same thing as you when not too long after I found out, all I wanted was my husband to hold me. In my head, I couldn't understand why I even wanted him to touch me. I think it was more of needing "someone" to hold and console me rather than him.

Don't rush yourself into trying to figure out what you're feeling - take your time and it will level out but don't expect it to go away any time soon. Just roll with it and keep asking for help as long as you need it. We all need someone to talk to.

You're lucky that she told you rather than having you find out on your own. It sounds like she may honestly be sorry but you would know that more than me.

I only had a couple outbursts but I have regularly explained to my husband that I would be going through a lot of emotions that I could not control and that he would have to be patient and help me deal with it because he was the one who caused it. I think you will get further if you control your anger. Getting revenge is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Don't lower yourself to her level. Maintain your self-respect.

There is a lot of good information on this site about what you will be going through. I'm still reading. I have found that people on here are also a great help. I would suggest having daily discussions with her where you can both sit down calmly and quietly and you can let her know how you feel. It's up to her to help you through this if she wants the marriage to work. Give yourself time to figure out where you want to go from here. You have your kids to consider so don't jump into anything.

Best of luck!

desoba, you need to know who the op is, as you have every right to know. If it is a co-worker, then this person may be impossible for your wife to avoid. You want to be assured that there is no contact(NC) between your wife and this person. It may come down to your wife having to change jobs.

Thank you all for the support and advice, it is all very helpfull.

As far as the STD goes we bith went to the doctors yesterday and I felt so stupid when I had to tell the Doctor that my wife cheated on me and Im here to check for any STD's. At least they told us from what they can see everything looked alright. They referred us to another clinic for further testing just incase, but I'm pretty sure I'm clean as I have no symptoms of any STD.

The ONS happened about 2 months ago. I did suspect something happened between these two a few weeks before she told me. I was reading her email and noticed one from someone I didnt recognize, I went home that night and checked her phone contacts and he was on there. So I confronted her and she denied anything was going on with him. I dont know him personally, but I do know him by name and face. She doesnt work with him, and the only time she would be able to have contact with him is by going out to the bar with some friends or something. Which acording to her she said she is not going to do for the sake of saving our marriage.

Desoba,

I just can't stress to you the importance of really digging deep down into your marriage to figure out what the problem was. People don't just cheat in good marriages. You may have thought it was good, but it was missing something for your wife. Read SAA, fill out the EN and LB questionnaires, and get counseling. If you just sweep this under the rug without significant changes in your marriage, you leave yourself open to the possibility of this happening again. Please, I no you may just want to forget this and move on, but you need to address the problems that allowed this to happen.

I finally got a reason out of her today. She said that this guy made her feel beautiful and always said nice things to her(apparently the things I wasnt saying to her) and always complimented her on her body after having four kids,(which I must say is absolutely stunning after having 4 kids).
She also said when we fight I was always mean to her and called her names, and this guy was always so nice to her. I really dont recall ever being that mean.

I know that doesnt give her an excuse, and I'm not going to blame myself for this.

You don't blame yourself for the affair, but you need to blame yourself for 50% of the state of the marriage. Good marriages can be "affair-proofed" and this is what you need to learn to do. You sound like you didn't even know that your wife was feeling that way. You need to be more conscious of this from now on, and she needs to communicate her feelings to you more often so she doesn't bottle them up inside until she goes and does something like this again. You both have a lot of learning to do. Make sure that it isn't just a few conversations, but I whole several month detailed look at the marriage to see what can be done to improve it for both parties.