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You silly yankee gals can't even fix yore hair right!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Come to think of it B, something I have noticed about them Southern bells thats so different from us Yanks is they're so jelly of us. <shrugs> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I have one word for you, Missy: NO AQUANET=FLAT HEAD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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B-the only reason it might be "over your head" is because Mel's hair is so BIG that it adds a few inches <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <SNORT>! You so RAWK! Mel's serve.
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B-the only reason it might be "over your head" is because Mel's hair is so BIG that it adds a few inches <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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That carpetbagger STOLE MY LINE!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have one word for you, Missy: NO AQUANET=FLAT HEAD! Some of them can't count either. Course that could be a symptom of BSHCCS [Big Southern Hair Can't Count Syndrome].
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"...and the Northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night...." And the kicker--------- """""""Wish they all could be CALIFORNIA GIRLS!!!!!"""""""" Where the women don't need BIG HAIR and AquaNet is against the law!
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Back to the point - does a woman have to be completely HELPLESS to hold on to her man?
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I have one word for you, Missy: NO AQUANET=FLAT HEAD! Some of them can't count either. Course that could be a symptom of BSHCCS [Big Southern Hair Can't Count Syndrome]. but our hair shore looks purty! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So how do I rate in this discussion?
Some of us Southern girls have short hair...
Maybe only Texans have BIG HAIR...
What is Aquanet, anyways???? Do they sell it at Walmart?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Back to the point - does a woman have to be completely HELPLESS to hold on to her man? I don't believe so!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah, but California girls do need big boobs, fake tans, and blonde hair. (sorry, but we're playing dirty, here, and it's all in fun, right?) Ahh...Michigan: fresh water, four seasons, no tornadoes, hurricanes, wild fires, earthquakes...just a blizzard or two once a year, no biggie. Besides, I know I brought it up, but have you SEEN the Beach Boys lately? I don't think I'd put much faith in any opinions that they voiced 30 years ago...
Anyway...any commentary on my TOPIC?? Not that rooting for the home team isn't fun and all...:)
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And what exactly is wrong with big boobs, fake tans, and dirty blonde hair?
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I think the happy medium is as I suggested..."I'm going to do xyz, could you possibly help me since I've never done it before. I could really use your help/knowledge/expertise." Shows that I'm not a lazy slacker who needs WH to do EVERYTHING for me; that I am willing to learn and be appreciative of what he does for me...ESPECIALLY if I end up just sitting by and appreciating him while he doing it; keeping him company, thanking him, admiring him.
Most important, it's consistent with the ME that he knows. If I suddenly turned into a complete idiot about the most mundane things like how to reset a GFI...well, he just wouldn't buy it and might end up feeling manipulated...like the WHOLE thing is an act. There needs to be an element of sincerity in everything I ask of him, otherwise I essentially AM manipuating him, which isn't true to myself, and he'd see through it. That's too risky. One of my trump cards over OW is that I am completely honest and always have been. If I compromise that, I forfeit that trump card.
Get what I'm saying?
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Ahem - all kidding aside, you are doing extremely well. Give yourself a big pat on the back.
You won't think that all of this is getting through to your husband. But I think it is fairly obvious to all of us here that it is.
Hang in there and have patience. I don't think it is going to go on too much longer.
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You know, Sis, why couldn't you allow HIM to do the things he is good at and leave it at that? Asking him to teach you how to do it clearly implies that you are seeking to independently do it yourself, rather than ALLOW him to do something FOR YOU. He already knows that you are hyper competent and don't need him. Why not allow him to do something FOR YOU that he is good at? He wants to do something FOR YOU. Not teach you how to do it all on your OWN. It is not manipulating him to allow him to do something he is GOOD AT and appreciate and ADMIRE him for it. Men like to FEEL NEEDED.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And what exactly is wrong with big boobs, fake tans, and dirty blonde hair? I'll admit it. Just jelly. A fake tan in Dec. in MI stands out like a sore thumb so we're all pasty, and I require highlights to maintain dirty blonde streaks in my brown hair. No comment on the boobs, so I guess you can figure it out. ...and you were trying to get us back on topic...
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Hey Sis, I have not posted on this thread, but I just finished reading all of it. I think you are doing an awesome job. Several times I have even gotten teary eyed- and not just when somoene was unkind about big Texas hair as I can give Mel a run for her money on that one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, you are doing just great. About page 4 I sent an email to in_pain encouraging her to read this thread. I just wanted to send you some Kudos. I'm praying for you and your marriage. Keep up the good fight.
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I think I understand what you're saying, Sis. You want to be YOU, just a better YOU via Plan A. And YOU is not a helpless puppy.
But something tells me during your marriage years you grew into a role where you're doing far more than your share, if only because someone had to make sure it got done.
Things like making sure the oil gets changed. Coordinating, if not performing, a good number of the tasks that your husband formerly performed or owned.
I could be entirely all wet in my theory above, just guessing. Am I off the mark?
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Back to the point - does a woman have to be completely HELPLESS to hold on to her man? The reason why we've been going this route is to help address the particular ENs of Sis' H..whatever HE particularly finds to be ATTRACTIVE... He seems to have a NEED to be NEEDED by her... Independent Behavior is considered to be a LBer..Perhaps she went too far in this direction...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You know, Sis, why couldn't you allow HIM to do the things he is good at and leave it at that? Asking him to teach you how to do it clearly implies that you are seeking to independently do it yourself, rather than ALLOW him to do something FOR YOU. He already knows that you are hyper competent and don't need him. Why not allow him to do something FOR YOU that he is good at? He wants to do something FOR YOU. Not teach you how to do it all on your OWN. It is not manipulating him to allow him to do something he is GOOD AT and appreciate and ADMIRE him for it. Men like to FEEL NEEDED. You know what, Mel? You've got a good head under all that hair. (okay, okay, UNCLE!!) You are right. Why not give this a try? Plan Aing in the first place didn't feel "right," but it's the only thing that's gotten me anywhere. The suggestive stuff wasn't intuitive, but it clearly made him do a double take. I probably still wouldn't believe any of this was doing anything, except for the encouragement and insights from you all (or y'all for the southern ladies). It sure doesn't hurt to ASK for him to do something for me, does it? I do not have to PRETEND I AM helpless, I just WANT HELP. Bat a few eyelashes, offer to bake him a batch of cookies or pot of soup in return. GOTTA believe that OW did the EXACT SAME THING beginning about three years ago now. A few months later, she had reeled him in and hooked him good. So am I getting the distinction here: asking for help=good pretending to be helpless=bad I think that distinction is what's been so elusive to me. More philosophically, what's interesting is that one of my most important areas of personal growth in all of this has been that I am no longer afraid to ask for help...that I am a more compassinate, open person because I have NEEDED to ask for help, and have accepted it from others. I do not have to be Superwoman. Nighty night, all. I'm at mom's and being forced off the computer. LS
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