General Staff:

I, Private Athanasius, constitue you a court-martial. I accuse a traitor in our midst: the evil vampire SuperMom!

LilSis, I seem to remember you staying up late baking cookies for DS11's classmates. Then a day or two later, you saw WH unexpectedly. You did OK, but didn't exploit the opportunities fully. Why did you chose to make such complex cookies? You seemed to resent the certain inappreciation of DS11's classmates.

Was it SuperMom whispering in your ear, "You must make perfect cookies to be a perfect Mom to your boys."? Why didn't you tell DS11, "Mom's having a rough time right now, it would save me time to make simple pan cookies and your classmates would still like them."? He's 11, not 2, he would have understood I think. Did SuperMom make you do it? If so, she cost you sleep and so, like a vampire, drained your energy and alertness the next day. She's a traitor! On OW's side! Take her out and drive a stake through her heart!

You obviously like being domestic and love your children. Your natural instincts will give them all the care they really need. Plus, I imagine SuperMom is partially responsible for locking Flirty-Sexy LS away in some dungeon until H despaired of finding her again.

Athanasius

You are right! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
She will be banished.

i think the nightie was a great idea (but then again i'm not doing anything right to win back my H so who am i to say!)

LilSis,

Are you praying for OW?

Sorry. I know that stung.

Our Lord ordered us to pray for our enemies. She's your worst enemy right now, no?

"Help! Very cunning and highly manipulative Satan has his claws in deep": deep in OW's soul. She sounds far, far gone down the road to He11. But Jesus died on the Cross for her just as much as for us, and wants her in eternal bliss with Him in Heaven just as much as He does us. We should all join our prayer to His in the hopes that He can rescue OW from Satan.

That would be the best thing for us strategically, too. Nothing beats convincing the enemy to surrender!

But don't pray dishonestly. Don't be some goody-two-shoes in prayer. Go as far as you can. I imagine something like "Lord Jesus, OW has hurt me immensely and at the moment I hate her and cannot forgive her. But I commend her soul to You and ask You for the grace to someday forgive her."

Athanasius

Re: Confession after 30 years.

In the Church's eyes you are still a member and have the right to frequent Her sacraments. But if you want to do it, you need advice from a devout, practicing, orthodox Catholic in your area. Many Catholics in America, including priests and bishops, are not entirely orthodox and you need an orthodox confessor. I can't possibly guide you through the complexities on this forum. You will definitely need a mirror of conscience. We turn away from and forget our own sins so easily.

The post dissenting from my suggestion is an excellent summary of the Protestant position. I'm not sure what you should do if you agree with it. If you don't believe in the Church's authority to teach, how can Her power to forgive affect you? (Incidentally, the Scriptural foundation of the Church's power of forgiveness is John 22:23 and Matthew 28:20.) If you would like to go to Confession anyway you should consult your hypothetical local, orthodox, experienced Catholic friend and/or a priest.

Athanasius

Athanasius:

Welcome to the thread....

But slow down.

We only try to drive 75 miles an hour around here....

Oh, I think we should elect Athanasius commander - do commanders get elected?

[/quote]
Wouldn't *I* be the hypocrite if I suddenly decided to confess after 30 years? (It could take a while...)
[/quote]

"There is more joy in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over nighty-nine just who have never gone astray," sez a certain Jesus Christ. There you have it as for the 30 years problem.

You'd be a hypocrite if you are genuinely convinced of the Protestant position that this Sacrament is useless and/or blasphemous.

You need long hours to prepare by searching your conscience with the mirror in hand, taking notes. Probably that will take a few days. Then, by summarizing and skipping details, an hour or two in the Confessional.

It's a big deal. It means a reconciliation with the Catholic Church. I'm not sure you should do it if you're not really reconciled. Your soul is more important than your marriage so don't abuse the Sacraments as a tactic!

Athanasius

Sorry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Thought of a lot overnight and today, and RealLife is going to pull me out of here soon, so I just tossed everything out. Y'all can sort through it at leisure.

Hope you will keep posting here, and also start your own thread. Your stuff is very interesting. I have several comments from HIV protection to confession to waging war.

Did I just recently say that there is no such thing as coincidence? I'll have to check back on my posts from earlier today...because this is FREAKY WEIRD [censored].

After lunch the boys and I loaded ourselves up with a thermos of hot chocolate and two loaves of slightly stale bread for a walk down to the park to feed the ducks. As we were getting ready, DS8 pulled out a jacket that he had worn home from WH's the other day. I recognized it immediately as one of OW's kids hand-me-downs. IN UNISON NOW: YUCK!!! Okay, it's a nice Columbia jacket, but NO THANKS. I tell DS8 to wear his usual one.

So I'm a little perturbed as we start out on our walk. About 20 minutes later we round the bend on the trail that enters the park and--lo and behold--there's a cruiser parked there, right where we feed the ducks. And guess who's the cop inside. Huh.

Coincidence? Serendipity? Once again, I was NOT PREPARED. I greeted him...friendly, but not wanting to be too much, since I had planned on being dark for a couple of days. He would not even LOOK at me. He's chatting uncomfortably with the boys, making awkward chit-chat. I pretty much just stepped back. He asked DS8 why he wasn't wearing the new jacket he gave him...I said cheerfully, "We decided we didn't want it." Without argument, he said, "okay, we can keep it at my place." (I'm thinking, no...but we CAN give it to Goodwill)

WH asked what the boys were planning for New Year's Eve. DS11 talked about last year, how the boys and I went to my mom's (WH was working), and had fondue. This year he wanted to stay up until midnight. I suggested that perhaps the boys would want to spend NYE with dad and grandpa? WH said he will be tired, since he is working NYE day (he's off NY Day--so what's the big deal?).

I'm trying to give the guy an out here...give him a chance to reach out to his boys, and he's not taking it. I know...I know...don't say it...he's a crackhead and a donkey and don't expect anything other than a junkie and an a$$. I'm an idiot for thinking he be looking for a way to connect with his kids when we all know he just wants t connect with his dope dealer. Oh well, I tried appealing to H, but the signal was blocked. So, the question is...should I insist on NYE with the boys? That way I could at least be sure he isn't with RT. I was wondering about this even before our little encounter in the park.

Only a couple of items worth mentioning, since I tried to keep it mostly between the boys and their dad.
**I asked if he got the soup, and he said yes, thank you...with TOTAL eye diversion. (it was kinda funny, actually) I asked because I had been having visions of FIL coming home last night, thinking "the package" was from RT, and immediately dumping it in the trash. All my hard work, (and that cute nightie!) wasted!! Thank goodness, it was needless worry.
**WH had a peppermint stick that he broke in two pieces to give to the boys. He held half out to DS11 who stuck out his tounge to have dad stick it in his mouth (DS's wearing mittens). WH held the other half out to DS8, who shook his head. So he offered it to me, and of course I stuck out my tongue so that he could stick it in my mouth. HA, HA, HA!! He must have been cursing himself for offering it me.
**Just before we walked away, I said C-LY-B, and kind of wiggled my eyebrows at him mischieviously, then winked. He leaned WAY back away from me and said BYE (very purposefully).

I'm sure he is NOT HAPPY. However, this was TOTALLY unexpected and unplanned, and he knows it. There was NO POSSIBLE way I could have predicted that he would be parked there. It takes us 15-20 minutes to walk from our back door to that spot, and we clearly had this planned...we were carrying the thermos (I offered him some, BTW) and two bags of bread. It's not like I stalked him or something.

But I bet he NEVER parks there again to write up a report. The thing is, I know he parks there because he likes to watch the ducks while he types up his reports. We must have been on the same wavelength, because in the hundreds of times I've walked that path to the park, I've NEVER come across him parked there just as I've emerged from the path.

I wouldn't think God would use such a 2x4...doesn't He usually work more mysteriously? Maybe the 2x4 was not for my benefit, but for WH...? That would be nice. WH could use a 2x4....even a 6x6 might be good.

Any ideas? Did I do okay?
More responses to previous posts to come...

LS

Oh, come on, LS........ WH wasn't brought there to "write reports", he was there to see his wife (with visions of "the package" in his mind).

Of course he was uncomfortable. You saw the OW and him the other day, he's missing out on his brothers and nephews, and, lala, thinking that everything is perfect in fantasyland.

There is just one Lil problem, his wife loves him and is shining the light for the way home.

Eav:
Thank you! I'm so glad to get your vote of confidence. You may not be doing anything OBVIOUS right now, but as mimi said, you will do what YOU need to do in your own time and in your own way. What you ARE doing right now is getting to a point where YOU are strong for yourself. That's your primary job right now, because you can't do battle with WH and OW when you are in that pit. And I have been in that pit, eav!! I KNOW how deep and dark it is.

So please...don't let reading my story add to your anxiety...that you should be doing something more than what you already are. Read it to bring a smile to your beautiful face every now and then...and to give you some ideas for later...when YOU are ready. Learn from my mistakes. Before you know it, you will start doing these same things, but with your own eav-ish twist. You will be wonderful! I know from your thread that don't have nearly the support system around you that I have around me, so give yourself a break. Give yourself time, and gain your support from your friends here.

(((((eav)))))

LilSis

I think you did great. Loved you sticking out your tongue <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> you done good <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think God works in a lot of strange ways- I never dreamed he'd use a porn site. It is a long story, but that is how I found out about the A was from a porn site FWH swore he didn't pay for - I believe him about that since he came clean about so many other things a porn site was the least of them.

Anyway, I think it was great that he saw you and the boys out doing something fun. You are not sitting home moping without him.

Hmm, FIL leaves soon, doesn't he? I think NYE might be a grand time for the boys to have some time with their dad and their grandpa.

I've been thinking about the condom thing, too. I do not think flashing them is a good idea. He has had a vasectomy and is in a fog - he will not understand why YOU need condoms.

I must say I am terrified of the thought of an STD. 18 months, clean reports, and a total hysterectomy later, if I get a bump or itch, etc in a certain area, I will still wonder. To me, this is just a tough call to make. I will pray you make the right one for both of you should that choice come up.

Rock on, LilSis

I have prayed forgiveness for not being able to forgive her...right now. I've asked for the strength to be able to forgive her at some point, to be able to see her as the sad, pathetic woman that she is, probably the victim of some kind of childhood sexual abuse...but right now, it would be insincere to pray for her.

If you are asking if I pray for her in general, yes, but only for my own selfish reasons...and for her children, who are innocent. I just can't see her humanity right now. And I'm honest with God about that, too.

Check out our discussion of FORGIVENESS on the BOLD LOVE thread...

Well, LilSis, I think you could probably pray that the Lord put a hedge of protection around your husband, and you might be able to pray that OW reveals her true self to WH.

Sounds perfect. You're doing great.

Athanasius the Self-Appointed Prayer Expert

According to Scripture, we are only to FORGIVE those who have REPENTED and asked for our FORGIVENESS...

From BOLD LOVE thread...

The authors seem to be making a strong point that FORGIVENESS OF A NONREPENTANT OP IS NOT COMMANDED.....

Quotes are in italics...taken from p. 162

Biblical forgiveness is never unconditional and one-sided. It is not letting others go off scot-free, "forgiven", and enabled to do harm again without any consequence. Instead, forgiveness is an invitation to reconciliation, not the blind, cheap granting of it.

Jesus says, "...If your brother sins, rebuke him, and IF HE REPENTS, forgive him (Luke 16:3-4). Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is conditional. We are not to rebuke unless a sin has been committed, nor are we to forgive unless true repentance has occurred. This strikes many Christians as wrong...

They end this section in saying:

The point for us is crucial. Reconciliation is not to be withheld when repentance-that is , deep, heart-changing acknowledgment of sin and a radical redirection of life-takes place in the one being rebuked. Nor is reconciliation to be extended to someone who has not repented. Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. ...cheap forgiveness-peace at any cost that sacrifices honesty, integrity, and passion-is not true forgiveness.