AND regarding the TAINTED JACKET...

Your handling of that was KEY...

It added the SELF-RESPECT element that MEDC is speaking of...

Another important part of PLAN A is to gain the WS' RESPECT OF YOU...to be assertive in conjunction with meeting the ENs...applying the FEATHER...was that your word?

And as Pep implies it is SOOOO EMPOWERING to rid your home of the POISON...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Your story is inspiring. I follow it every day.
For every person posting to you and giving you great, solid advice, there are a hundred of us quiet ones cheering you on!

Your post has been view THOUSANDS of times.

You are handling yourself with so much strength, class, and dignity. Very impressive!

Dear LilSis,

Have I mentioned recently how fantastic you are?

Here's another metaphor which might help you: Evil-Cold-Eyes WH is keeping Real H in a psychic dungeon at the moment. All your affection, flirtation, and admiration, delivered with both honesty and self-respect, is smuggling food and water past Evil-Cold-Eyes so LS's Real H can grow strong and recover. Now you're getting the files and picks and hammers in. One day Real H will be strong enough and have the tools to break out of prison and rebel against Evil-Cold-Eyes.

Athanasius, whose so-called Real Life is less exciting than this thread...

Ath....confess...you are really Stephen King, aren't you???

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lilsis:

You are doing great. H appears to be available to you. When you show him the new LilSis. A little vunerable, A little hottter, a little more aware of his needs LilSis.

We just do not really know how things are going in WH.

I wanted to comment on the letter you wanted to send, but you addressed the major points in your conversation with him already.

But, If I was to make one recommendation, I would leave a note stating that "HotLilSis" is available. Because, the A is danger. and Home is boring. So, let him know that SuperMom is still around, but the Woman He Met, Fell in Love With and was Exciting, is still there, and ready to rock. And that you have made those plans in the future. More evenings together, No kids.

None of this is saying that the kids are not important to him. He is showing his concern for them. And that is a wedge in the old A world as well. (I made it a boundary with OW. Kid time was not to be infringed by her) (sorry, that might make you puke. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> )

Also, you discovered your H "feeding the Ducks" I needed to find time alone. To get away from OW, BS, Work, etc. Sometimes an offer to let him "relax", out of the reach of OW, and without kids, could be a good thing. Not even to replace the water heater... And he gets away from OW when he is with kids, and/or you. So, let him know that if he wants to hang at "our house" and enjoy "our Room" upstairs, and you will take the boys for pizza, and he can "Veg" until he returns, and then you can cook up a good dinner for him?

Then he could tuck in the kids?

LG,

I think you could help out jrobin as well with some advice. Her WH has moved out of the house, but she has the added interaction of seeing him at work. She is trying the fun and flirty LilSis plan, but I thought maybe you could give her some insight on what is going on in her WH's head.

I saw that! I saw that last night. I remember thinking for a second...that is ADMIRATION in his eyes! He was really proud of me. I remembered that this morning and was going to mention it...

Definately cookie time again...he returned the container that I had given him the night of the concert, and I discovered an email at work (didn't check work email over the holidays) thanking me for the cookies "tasty as always!" he said.

Also...time for another reminder of the fun, flirty LilSis. It's been a little heavy the last couple of days. Need to lighten it up now. Let the seeds grow...

Lilsis:

Lets talk about the court case.

You were heavy with him. And the convo went there for a reason. Lets get your head thinking about that right, and try to understand his, so that the next time, you can guide him the way you want this to go.

You were crazy woman then. Now you are the Plan A superstar.... The Wonderings have stopped by, Pep, Mimi and Mel, etc. Please don rockstar glasses now!

But, this is going to be a very sore point, and if handled properly, can become part of the wedge to remove OW.

Ok?

LG

Here is where I think the "sore points" are:

** raising someone else's kids
(OW's and OWH's / here is where OWH could help you. He can make your WH uncomfortable, something like requiring a background check before WH can be around HIS kids...)

** someone else raising HIS kids
(this is a sore spot for WS who are feeling really crappy about themselves -- that there is a strong likelyhood that the BS is gonna find someone new and a whole lot better. All of a sudden, WS is going to be on the outside looking in on a warm cozy happy family that should have been his. That is why you want to show that you're gonna be GREAT with or without him.)

** money
(he is gonna be broke, and have to substantially reduce his standard of living. Here is where I wish OWH's was playing hardball! She surely doesn't deserve alimony! OMG!)

your kids could be allies too -- in destroying his and OW's little fantasy that since the kids are such good buddies -- that everyone is just going to get along great!

Good points, Lexxx..BUT...this is for PLAN B..

Right now, Sis has to evidence that she NEEDS HIM...

Mimi;

I disagree (slightly).

In plan B LS will have no opportunity to exploit those weaknesses. She will be dark and silent.

I think its important for her to KNOW the weaknesses so that she can aim her arrows at them when the opportunity presents itself. She can guide these conversations so that she's hitting those weaknesses while still being her Plan A self.

And that she should only take NEEDINESS so far -- before it becomes unattractive.

Whatever NEEDS "Plan A-Sis" expresses be met by her husband need to be authentic/genuine.

This is the impression I get, Lexx...

In her marriage, Sis' H has felt neglected and unneeded by her..."I CAN DO IT ALL..BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE" (Been there, done that myself)...is EMASCULATING for a man who loves taking care of his woman... Her goal during PLAN A is to truly change her OVERLY INDEPENDENT BEHAVIOR ( A LOVEBUSTER)...to more the NORM. We certainly don't want to encourage her to be too needy...which, I agree, is unhealthy.. But her H probably already felt like she didn't need him..so why stick around..She is changing this image...

He probably was and still is ATTRACTED to the OW's DAMSEL IN DISTRESS FACADE ..and he rides in on his HORSE and rescues her...sort of like the movie PRETTY WOMAN..the favorite of my FWH and the FOW's (YUCK... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

I learned this myself

need ~~~> brings a sense of obligation

desire ~~~> offers opportunity for a sexy marriage

be sure to distinguish which you are talking about

Sis

be sure your H knows you
~desire~ him

Sent him an email this morning...in response to an email that he sent to my work email over the break (I was off for a week).

Generally...

Oops! guess this is a little outdated since I was away from work...

I'm glad we had the chance to talk last night. Thank you for listening.

yada yada about plans for the kids this weekend...asked if he could pick them up on Friday because I have a meeting...I'd come by later with their overnight stuff and to give them hugs and kisses.

yada yada about Pres. Ford's funeral...co-workers and I waited in line to view the casket and also watched the motorcade..asked him a question about the cops I saw.

And the big finish:
Remember how you asked me if I ever thought about "stuff" while I was at work? I'm thinking about it right now...xxxxx(name of town te two of us visited alone) to be exact, right after we checked into our room. Hmmmmm.....

Love, me


Good, pep??

yezzzzzzz good

Lilsis --

Great e-mail.

You know best -- I didn't get the impression OW was a damsel in distress. What I picked up on was that she was probably most meeting his needs for recreational companionship, admiration, and sex. Not so much on the rescuing. What do you think?

Pep -- that's what I was thinking too -- "want" vs. "need"
Being wanted is attractive.

Being needed can be OK, but there's a fine line there. It can make a WS feel guilty. It can make them feel stressed. It can make them resentful. You would be creating emotions they fight against, rather than attracting (which is what Plan A is all about!)

and the word "desire" sounds even sexier than "want"

so
when communicating things to WH
stress ~desire~

you NEED a new water heater
you WANT him to install
but
you DESIRE his lips (etc)

pep