Although I am only a MBer in training, I think you did good too. I think it was another chink in that WS armor.

1. (with a smile)

2. Yeah, guess what, divorce really sucks

3. You missed out because today I'm wearing panties

4. I told you I've changed

5. There's only ONE WAY (hold up a finger) that you can stop hurting me and hurting the boys. And that is to stop commiting adultery

6. I love you, the boys love you, and the only way you can stop hurting us--and yourself--is to stop commiting adultery. If you cared about protecting us from more hurt, that is what you would do, that is the ONLY thing that you can do.

7. My eyes are tearing up

8. WH and I lock eyes for a moment

9. we lock eyes again in the mirror...for longer this time

10. I reach for WH and give him a hug.

11. I just hold him for probably about a minute

12. I'm tearing up, choking up

13. I let him go, reach up to give him a kiss

14. I give him a soft kiss on the cheek, and hug him again around the shoulders this time

[b]everything here, as written by you, is STELLAR Plan A

e v e r y t h i n g

Yep, Pep...EXACTLY..that's the STELLAR PLAN A stuff that I saw..but was too lazy to list it all..there was soooo much GOOD STUFF that Sis did and said.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sis,

I think all of your troops here will share with me in saying that your WH will SUFFER QUITE A LOSS IF HE EVER TRULY LOSES YOU...

I could FEEL your LOVE for HIM through this computer screen...

((((SIS)))

Oh WOW you all know how to make me feel better. It's incredible, it's amazing, it's overwhelming how I put out a little cry for help and all these people come running to boost me up! Perfect strangers who have been following my whole sordid tale...rooting for me, praying for me! Where does this come from if not from God? I feel so special...I REALLY do!

I'm glad you think I did okay. Mimi's right, I'm a bad judge of myself today...just must be the downer mood.

It felt good to get a haircut, too...why is that such a boost to women? The woman who cuts my hair is so sweet, and we looked at new styles and chatted. I decided a couple of months ago to grow it out a little, but I still like it a little sassy, and she did the perfect cut. It looks really cute now (of course I will never be able to replicate how she styled it) and it made me feel so good to have a cute sorta-new do. Sort of like a reverse Sampson...I get stronger with a hair cut.

Then on the way home I heard a song on the radio by Josh Groban...I only hear his stuff at Christmas, but his voice is unmistakable, so I listened a second before switching stations. Glad I did. The main lyric in the song was "don't give up, you are loved."

Okay, that was my sign...the one I prayed for this morning while I took some time to read the Bible. I had asked for God to just give me some sign that I was on the right track, the strength to get though the day and patience for times ahead. I believe I will iTunes that song.

Today I should indulge in some self-pampering, do you agree? The boys are off with WH until after dinner. My office is closed, so no one will call to ask me questions or need something. The only thing on my agenda is to fold some laundry so that we are set for the school week. Other than that, I am going to totally relax and do only things that make me feel good.

I can not thank everyone enough. You are all so wonderful to care do much about my well-being. I appreciate you all...I owe you so much.

Oh boy, do I know about the hair thing. If I'm having a good hair day, I'm having a good day! LOL!!

Make sure your WS gets to see that sassy new hair too!

LilSis:

You are amazing!

Learn that Reverse Babble. That puts WH in there place when they start complaining...

I can help with the "HD" tv antenna. If you are trying to pick up the "over the air" signals, you do not need a new antenna. THe one you got is fine. As long as you have an HD Converter in your TV. Many do not.

If you are using cable or satelite, then thats a different story...

Brought to you by:

The man who refuses to pay for TV. And I even get free HD TV!

WH just brought the boys back home. "After dinner" turned into 6:00 on the dot with takeout from KFC. Nice....they spent the day at ILs house (at least they weren't with RT and her kids, who also had a snow day)

He came in the house, though. I was still in my robe after taking a bubble bath. I came downstairs when I heard the door, told the boys I had just taken a bubble bath...where's dad? He's here by the back door, they say. WH says to me (this is random), "Do you know that Avon still makes that bubble bath?"
LS: You mean the kind in the pink bottle with the bumps on the side?
WH: Yeah...they still make it.
The boys are saying, what, what are you talking about.
WH tells them that when we were kids, every mom bought Avon, and everyone had that bubble bath in their bathroom. Meanwhile, DS8 was finding WH a hat (from the bin full of random hats and mittens). I got into another bin by the back door, also with some hats...but I couldn't find the one I was looking for.

LS: I'm trying to find your condom hat (a hat that was so tight on his huge Dutch head that we used to joke it looked like a condom)
WH: Oh, I have that. Are you kidding, that thing's warm. (we laugh)
WH: Okay, bye boys!
He gives them both hugs...but the kind I always hated...where he's kind of harsh. I don't know how to explain it...he squeezes really tight and kind of tickles them or pats them on the back really hard, and they laugh or giggle. Not tender at all.
LS: (with a smile) How about sweet hugs?
WH: Oh, yeah, sweet hugs. (He picks up DS8 and hugs him tenderly, DS8 holds him around the neck and rubs his back)
DS11: I didn't get a sweet hug. (DS11 is a real hugger)
WH hugs DS11 sweetly, closing his eyes as he does so. He turns to leave, but I am between him and the door.
LS: Do I get a sweet one, too?
WH: A sort of sweet one.
As usual, I get the one-armed version. After a second, he grabs with his other arm and squeezes tight so my back cracks (this is typical). We both laugh.
C-LY-B and he leaves.

I wave to him as he pulls out, then he pulls forward again to get even with the kitchen window where I am standing and rolls down his window, so I open the kitchen window. He says, "You couldn't get the garage door down, could you?" (I had left the garage door open after retuning from my hair appt...actually not because I couldn't close it, but I was just too lazy. It is a real stretch, though, for me to reach the handle. I have to hop a little to grab it...always graceful when I'm dressed for work in heels)
"Yeah, it's too high," I say. Hmmmm.....I'll ask forgiveness later for lying.
Smile and wave good-bye.

That was kind of a nice interaction. Makes up for the weepy kind earlier. I felt like I got the chance to show him I wasn't a total wreck.

OT: You are probably all wondering why I don't have a garage door opener...my house was built in 1912 and the garage doors are these ancient, 600 lb. things. Kinda scary, actually. Anyway, it was never a priority for me...the garage is unattached, so I'm slogging through the snow to get to the car anyway. At that point, who cares about opening and closing the door.

Good job. See, you are having more and more contact with him, and continuing to build a relationship with him, even though he is out of the house.

This is very promising. Stay strong, and by the way, what did you do for YOU today? This stuff gets real wearing.

You did very good Sis, like always.

We all have had those melt downs you experienced earlier today. I'm sure you can agree, this stuff certainly isn't for whimps. But it does get easier, I promise. You're so amazing and we're all so proud of you.

And hey! You missed your chance to pull your frilly panties outta the hat bin and place it on your head. Dang! Next time, eh?

Jo

This is an excellent set up for plan B [which will probably be necessary in your sitch].

I'm sure he has all manner of rationalizations going ...all things that support his belief that you will eventually be friends [so much better for the children] and the OW can be friends and we can all be friendy friend friends and there will be no permanent consequences to my very bad and unethical behavior...nevertheless those deposits are being made...not accepted and not invested in but they are going over the fence.



I say well done.

LOL

THAT would have been great!

Or how about if she just pulled sexy panty after sexy panty out of the bin while "looking" for a hat?

~ Marsh

Hey Noodle:

I was thinking the same thing about him thinking...We'll all be friends and have chats about the sitcoms... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That's why Sis has to add in the sexual provocativeness...

You see, Noodle?

I think you evoked a vision of you in that bubblebath.

How about some conversation, TMs, voicemails, etc. about the Avon Bubblebath? Is there any of it around at the ILs? Has he ever tried soaking in it? Tell him the type of bubblebath that you use....Be nonsensical yet alluring along with him....

Make sure NOT to back off in involving the children. Let them write him some notes to share how they are feeling...even some artwork if they do that. What he is doing is getting to him...as well it should. He's wanting to put the blame for their heartache on you instead of where it belongs.

Well, well, well...two interactions in one day with a WH who not to long ago wouldn't think of coming into the house.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This morning will be (unwanted) rose delivery #3, and a suggestive TM. This is a war that must be fought on all fronts...2x4ing WH with my ability to meet as many ENs as possible. We couldn't all be friendly friend friends if I'm repeatedly leaving suggestive TMing and VMs.

Oh....wait a minute...YES WE CAN! We did it for two years straight...only it was RT leaving the suggestive emails and VMs....

Silly me. Triangles are such FUN, aren't they?

BTW...do I have to worry about becoming the OW? I've read some things about that on other threads...??

Picked up the roses after dropping the boys off at school. As I was heading back, I passed my house and rounded the corner, going past the coffee shop where RT works. She so thoughtfully now parks back in the alley so that she's no longer flaunting herself in my face. (Could it be SHAME, perhaps...heck no!) I could see her stupid Chrysler minivan parked there anyway.

Kept on driving with the intent of stopping by ILs to drop off the roses. I pulled up, and WH is outside warming up and brushing off his truck. Heading off to have breakfast at the coffee shop, perhaps? UGH, UGH, UGH. He sees me hop out with the unwanted roses and puts his hand to his head like, Oh no, not again.

I skip right past him and stick the roses by the back door. He comes onto the porch, I reach up and kiss his cheek and say, "Have a great day!" "You, too" he says as if he has the utmost patience and is so very tolerant of me. I can practically HEAR the sigh. I skip out (no easy feat with heels on the ice) as he is unlocking the back door to bring the roses in.

I was feeling kind of crappy thinking of him going out to spend time with RT as soon as I left, off to get his fix. BUT then I CHOSE to tell myself that seeing me and getting those roses this morning WILL weigh on him somehow when he sees her this morning. THAT'S why he was so aggravated to see me...because I remind him of the RIGHT thing, and he couldn't just escape it this morning. I HAD to show up and remind him of things he doesn't want to think about...and just when he was about to go get his fix. How rude of me.

Suggestive TM to follow later this morning...

Good question.

For me, it got to the place where I FELT like the OW and he definitely treated me like the OW but the PLAN A WORK that I did during that TIME FRAME, IMO was ESSENTIAL. It did not JUST INCLUDE SF, BTW. There was lots of CONVERSATION, RECREATION, AFFECTION, etc. and the spouse always wins on DOMESTIC SUPPORT.

However, I carried on with this TOO LONG and began to ENABLE the affair. The GOOD TIMES with me reduced the SUFFERING that is necessary for the WS to experience in order to end the affair. The GOOD TIMES proved to be invaluable for the EVENTUAL PLAN B because they were MISSED by him. The OW had to meet ALL OF HIS NEEDS and she FAILED as would be predicted according to the MB PERSPECTIVE.

So for you SIS: Actually you will NEVER be the OW. Think of yourself as I did as being HIS WIFE. RT is the OW. During PLAN A, you are doing what you have to do..as his wife..to save your marriage...

So for a LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME..YET UNDETERMINED..it is ESSENTIAL for you to DEMONSTRATE your ability to MEET THE NEEDS that you failed to meet adequately PRIOR TO THE AFFAIR....

THEN....YOU DISAPPEAR..INTO THE DARKNESS OF NIGHT...PLAN B

You get him to the point of enjoying you and longing for what you do...she HAS to meet ALL of his needs....she is CLUELESS of how high his expectations have become..at the same time, she thinks she has it made and she has taken him from you..so she shows more of her REAL SELF....This is how it's IDEALLY supposed to happen...

He most definitely must be IN AWE of your BOLDNESS..from his wife who in the past had low self-esteem...

AWESOME, SIS!!!

LilSis,

I must chime in and say what a STELLAR job you are doing! I am in awe in your presence. The love and strength you have is ooooooozing from my computer. Your DS's know it too! Keep it up. No matter what, you will win...

Not to be condescending in the least, but I am soooo PROUD of you.

Amazing work, girl... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I cannot wait to read about WH coming back and wanting to get his wife and family back and LilSis being the one to decide if that's what SHE wants.

Becasue you are doing such a great plan A- you will be the one who is better for it, and when you go to your VERY DARK plan B, he will think, "Hey! I won! This is great!" For about 2 mintues, then he'll think, "I wonder what LilSis is doing. I wonder if she's wearing panties? I wonder if she's moving on? I wonder if she can handle getting the garage door down by herself? I wonder why no more roses or poems? We used to have such a great time. Now look what I've done..."

Because there is just no way that RT can fill all his EN's like you can.

I am so inspired by your plan A. I need to do a plan A for ME-to make necessary changes for my own personal happiness. And I see your successes and it makes me persevere even when it's hard.

And maybe you should have some panties lying around downstairs (in shopping bags so the boys won't see <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />) so the next time he needs somehting you can hand him a pair...

I would suggest sending those text messages when you believee that your WH is with the OW. That way he either has to hide it or explain to RT what is going on. This may cause for a little friction in paradise.

This is temporary. You will have peace soon.