LilSis,
As usual, you did AWESOME. Authentic, calm, succinct. He will think about all of this..and YOU...all weekend long.

Obviously, the fact that he is a cheater means that he is, by necessity a good liar, but... It doesn't sound like he had anything to do with, or knowledge of, that letter. If he did not, I'd say that's pretty telling. For one thing, it means the 2 of them did NOT conspire to write it. And..and to me this is big...she did not trust him enough to tell him about it in advance. She must have known he would not have wanted her to write it. That alone could start the cracks in their relationship.

I am not an MB expert by any stretch, but this seems very positive to me.

I am soooo praying for you guys.

Now...time for rest/pampering/fun. Enjoy this typical Michigan winter weekend (fellow Michigander here). If it were me and I were in your neck of the woods (I think you said you were in the GR area), I'd head over to RiverTown Crossings. I think this calls for some new shoes :-)

The relative let down/anticlimax of recovery can be a bit of an adjustment..bet you can't wait!

Jim: I read about the contact last night, but I was not feeling in a place to provide the kind of support that you needed. That must have been a blow. I'm mad at her...and you know what happens when I get mad!! I do things that land me in jail!! (oooh...scary) Look out Mrs.Jim. She does NOT know how lucky she is...but she will, and I think she's starting to, from her willingness to be H&O with you.

That said, I say the cell phone goes. Or, for penance...have her call RT's house, and ask for WH. with a little giggle. Like reverse wh*re-bombing. (RT being the HO in question, of course)

Let the LB's commence between them. This is exactly what will happen. You dropped the A bomb that will destroy them!

I have been thinking of writing a post about the literary quality of your thread. It seemed irrelevant, pretentious, and disrespectful, so I didn't, even when you wondered at people reading all then-50 pages of it. But since you've brought it up directly, I will.

The thread itself follows pretty closely the literary rules of classical epic. It starts in the middle of the story with a vivid description of intense conflict. The first post paints a rapidly darkening picture until the heroine reaches her lowest point, jail. She seems to have lost everything. But she finds allies and help, establishes a strategy, wins battle after battle, and recovers lost ground. There are a few setbacks but in general we can see that the worthy protagonist is likely to overcome the initial difficulties through her heroism.

This is the same structure as the Odyssey, the Aeneid, Star Wars, Rocky, etc....

Your thread really is an exciting story. If you cut out about two-thirds of the posts -- like my boring theological stuff! -- and the geographical details, it would make a great novel.

Don't forget about the journey of the reluctant hero[ine].

yeah, i am holding out for the happy ending....and the book.
and the movie..
so, who is gonna play LS?
WH?
RT????

etc. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sis,

Tonight, H will cry about this situation.

You need to believe that, because I have a sense that he will, and I am usually right when these things come to me.

He is hurt right now, and knows deeply what he has done. He will look at his boys, and feel it tonight.

H knows. You talked to H at some point in the conversation today. WH tried to take over, but H won in the end. H is in there. The seed, it not only was planted, but is now taking root.

Keep fighting.

SB

I can't wait to read Mimi's reaction when she gets back

Sis ... pat yourself on the back

STELLAR PLAN A

every word!

Pep

Still more...

The boys needed a few things from home for their overnight with dad. So I gathered that up...along with a card from me to WH.

It was just a blank note card. In it, I write that I was glad we had the chance to talk, and that I was glad to know that he didn't have anything to do with "it." That the thought that he did have something to do with it "haunted me." I then went on to reiterate what I had said earlier...that all I want is to save our marriage and keep our family intact, that that is what I still want. I might not have always done a great job of communicating that, but that my intentions were pure and came from a place of love. He is worth fighting for, our marriage is worth fighting for, our family is worth fighting for, and I will NEVER regret that I took on this fight. Love always, me.

I stopped by ILs to drop everything off, stepped in the back door, and WH came into the kitchen to meet me. I handed him all the stuff, along with the card. He sort of did an eyeroll when he saw the card, and I said cheerfully, "Don't worry." We chatted a minute and I left. WH looked stressed, drawn. The roses (even the dried up ones) were still in the man vase.

I went off the the Chinese restaurant to get myself some dinner...stuff the kids don't like. Came home, put on my sweats, anticipating the crab cheese, and the phone rings. It's DS11's good friend, who was expecting DS11 for a sleepover. Oh boy, this was news to me. So I call WH and tell him what's up. After talking to DS11, WH asks for the friend's number and tells me to gather up an overnight bag and sleeping bag for DS11; they'll come by and pick it up after they finish eating.

So they get here about 45 minutes later. WH and DS11 come in. DS11 needs to run around and find just the right Gameboy game, while I'm telling WH about a nature walk the boys were signed up to go on tomorrow...I had forgotten about it. It sounds like a good one...something that WH would ordinarily be very interested in. So while we are waiting for DS11 to get his game, I start gathering up the extra snowpants, mittens, etc. that will be needed for an outdoor hike. WH is still looking very drawn and tense...but not about me I don't think. I joked with him how I had dreamed of eating a whole order of crab cheese all to myself but after I ate three, I felt ill. He laughed. He was petting the cat and talking sweetly to him. I got his mail for him.

DS11 was finally ready and they begin to walk outside. Coming towards the back door is DS8 (who had been waiting in the truck), and he's crying. He comes to me at the door and whispers to me that he wants to stay. I talk cheerfully about sleeping at Nana's. Maybe he can sleep with dad on the bed with the heated mattress pad? Can he just keep Daddy company for me? No. Finally WH returns to the back door (which is standing open because I am inside and DS8 is outside), and we all step into the house. "What's wrong?" he demands. "DS8, look at me." He's standing up, and he's speaking in a harsh voice. I'm down at face level with DS8 trying to talk quietly. I motion for WH to come down to DS8's level, too, and he shakes his head impatiently. He must get it, though, because WH then rubs DS8 on the head and kisses him and says, "Come on, buddy, it will be just be you and me." I offer DS8 some popcorn to bring to Nana's, and WH says they have some. DS8 still ain't buying. So then I ask if he'd like to get one of the movies we bought from Blockbuster last weekend for our movie night. DS8 nods excitedly. Whew. Crisis averted. WH sees the selection of movies that we bought (all the boy's choices) and says, "I see both of our parenting standards have fallen." (that kind of makes me sad, because I don't think my standards have fallen that much...I just let the boys have fun choosing the movies to buy from among the $5 selection...slim pickins')

As they were walking out, I told WH that he's got it easy, because on the weekends that the boys are here, they always have sleepovers in the attic, but when he gets them, DS11 is off to a sleepover at someone elses. He laughed. He stopped and picked up the kitty, nuzzled him a little, and comments about how old he is. They all pile in the truck and drive off. I wave from the window.

This HAS to be it for today. I promise, no more episodes in this little drama for today.

Okay... I am ready to either puke... or punch this guys lights out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Standards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

hahahaha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MEDC read my mind

how weird! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

WH recognizes that he's a crappier parent than he was when we were together....and he's projecting some of that onto me to asuage his guilt.

Psych 101 courtesy of LilSis.

LilSis,

You have got to be one of the most couragous indiviuals I have ever heard of.

This support group has done an absolutly incredible job of building you up when you needed it. But you "Lady" are the one on the line and you come through every time.

Your thread is like you said is "like a Soap". I think there should be an online version of the Oscar or whatever they give Soaps out there for you.

Actually more like a Medal of Honor for BS's

Great going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And maybe in a way (a weird way) he was trying to connect w/ you.

~ Marsh

BTW...Even though it stung a little, I replied to that remark with a smile and mumbled something like, "we're better together.." and held out my fist--you know how you bump fists with someone sort of like a modernized version of a high five?? I do that with my students, but they are in high school. I don't think WH got it, or if he did, he wasn't going to fist-bump me. He looked at my fist and said, "Yeah, Wonder Twins power activate." What a doof.

Beats my snark response of "well I had to dumb it down to accomodate your neglect..wouldn't want them to go into shock after all".

Actually more like a Medal of Honor for BS's

I second that! You are definitely in the trenches, Sis, and doing great. Just take a breather from your CRAZED week, pat yourself on the back, and move on...

Man, you are AMAZING. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

Happy Saturday Morning.

Absolute Gold Medal performance.

But always, the intended audience (WH) never truly grasp the nuance and subtly of your performance.

But, back to plan A. Becuase you are having an affect. It may, or may not, ever fully set in. But you are creating the conflict in WH mind.

WH did not have to come in. But he did. H was hanging around. He is doing more of this than he was two months ago.

AND he stayed engaged in the conversation with you regarding the sentencing. That is a very good thing.....




He was trying. He was projecting, yes. But he was looking for some support. From You! Remember that. And he was getting a peek at how awful things were going to become..... You have to keep giving him those peeks...

I liked the panty line you threw in. It connects everything you are trying to do. Stay with it.

My last two posts were short. I wanted to add more, but I did not have enough time.

I felt good about yesterday, and had an enjoyable day today hanging out with two friends. Unfortunately, as the day winds down, I find myself feeling a bit apprehensive about what the next interaction with WH will be like. I need to just put that out of my mind and concentrate on continuing to put on the best Plan A I can. Let the seeds grow. This might sound funny, but it's hard not to get too eager, to take an inch and want to turn it into a mile . I would just REALLY like to SEE something, KNOW something....

Go ahead...you all can tell me that I am seeing something...or that I just can't see what's happening to the seeds beneath the soil. Patience.

Another part of it is this weird sense of impending doom. That with one tiny small step (like yesterday), I'm sure to get yanked back to ugly reality in a big way somehow. I feel like I'm sort of waiting for a shoe to drop...that because he was nice to me once, he's sure to be extra rotten next time. I hate this persistent feeling that something bad is going to happen. Is this a common phenomenon for BSs? Always looking over the shoulder?

I need to keep in mind that this is all about going on faith. Good thing tomorrow is Sunday...I promise I won't get on here before church this time and whine to you all about how afraid I am.

Time to go read the Bible again, I guess.