Should it??? Don't keep me in suspense, I'm not that smart. The fact that he would even SPEAK to me? The fact that he discouraged my "overtures"? The fact that he talked about an HD attena that he eventually bought for me?

Or are you just asking me to recall?

I don't get it either....

Clue us in Mimi!

Glad I could help sweetie. One thing I will say, CALL YOUR ATTORNEY TODAY and find out the status of your case... what's specifically on file, etc. He works for you and you should know with certainty where you stand.

If you need it, I can email you the cause number for RT's case. You could then (if you're really curious like me) go to the courthouse and request the file, look through it, make notes or even make copies of documents. I wouldn't advise this though if it's a small county where some clerk might recognize you (especially knowing what Mr. RT does for a living). It'd be better if you got someone else to do it for you.

But, you definitely should know the status of your case.

The fact that this was the day before RT's divorce was finalized? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I wondered if he happened to mention anything that could clue you into his feelings about her DIVORCE?

Does he feel PRESSURED by it? Is she PRESSURING him, etc.?

Does he want to maintain the STATUS QUO and remain a RENTER in the relationship with her, not making a longterm commitment?

Would he go along with STALLING his OWN DIVORCE, etc.?

Such knowledge would help with the PLAN A STRATEGY.

Looking back on my situation now, knowing what I know, things changed with my H at certain times during the A..when the OW got divorced, when the OW bought a house (still not sure that he didn't help her with this)...etc.

For example, in my situation, the OW was trying to convince my H that D is an OK thing.."everyone does it now"..I don't think he has ever bought this..his parents have been married FOREVER..like Sis' H's parents...He didn't want to park outside her new house..she had previously lived in an apartment so that he could be more secretive, etc....

I think it's telling that he had such a LENGTHY CONVERSATION ..even in the HOUSE with you that day...maybe I'm reading too much into this...

I wonder if your H would go along with a LS..would that STALL things for you?

Would it help to let him know that you WANT TO "STALL" as long as possible?

I'm in a hurry this afternoon and not being all that coherent..SORRY...just my musings on the subject...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

What I find very interesting is that the 16th was the day he was so rude and hurtful that you typed this:


Remember? He had promised to take the boys sledding and he kept getting later and later, and then when he did show up he smelled of smoke and was a rather cold WH. He said you shouldn't confuse the boys or blahblahblah, as I believe it was the day of the #3 rose drop off.

Okay, the REALLY good part of this is that only two days later was your sentencing, and he was jerked right out of his hardening WH-ness by your grief about 'the letter'. So, looks like her divorce 'party' or whatever it was was interrupted by the boy's sledding, and then MsIdiotDog had only a day to enjoy her 'freedom' before that letter was no-doubt mentioned by your H. HA! HAHAHAHA!

Don't mind me.......I'm just enjoying what I see here.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I also wanted to add that I saw myself with the raising of boys, the disrespect I showed my FWH by insisting my was was the right way (we have 3 sons).

So I took a deep breath and said to my FWH on the phone last night I was sorry if I criticized his parenting, which he said I did, and I did, that I know he always had the best interest of the boys at heart. I also told him that I now realize he was showing them how to be men and that I coddled (sp?) them and now I realize what he was trying to do. He said something interesting, that he was trying to show them how to act in the real world, and people aren't always nice. He said he understood where I was coming from and that is was natural bc I am the mom and a "girl".

I was so surprised that he got right away what I was saying, it was obvious he thought about it in the past. I am truly sorry now that I can see it from his POV.

Thank all of you for that, I don't think I would have realized this on my own.

Whatever you do, don't do this yourself because it could affect your probation terms, etc. Have a friend do it.

I wouldn't read too much into those dates (of her divorce)

Unless your state is different, the stuff goes to a judge and he/she signs it whenever it works on their schedule.
Then the clerk mails copies to both parties.

I didn't know I was divorced until a week after it happened.

Okay, your last statement there is scary! Could this happen to me? I will call my attny today when I get home as per princessmeggy's suggestion.

I guess what IS significant about the date is that it all happened so quickly...there was no delay on either end...it went full steam ahead. Clearly both RT and her XH were eager to seal the deal.

I do not think it is typical that a D is final exactly six months...usually there is SOME debate, discussion, disagreement that needs to be worked out....right? When my sister got D'd, it took about a year, and they ended up with a LS so my sister could keep her health insurance. There were motions back and forth, settlement stuff that took forever...etc.

I would DEFINITELY have a friend go pull RT's divorce file.
(know the enemy....and her weaknesses!)

Also, you mentioned before that RT is a big flirt. No doubt now that she is single, she will use that fact to make your WH jealous -- as a means to push his divorce along....

Exploit it!

Yikes!! I forgot about the probation. Rubydoo is exactly right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Lexxy, that's true but in this case the clerk specifically said the final judgment had been entered (translation-- signed by the Court)

Lexxy, that's true but in this case the clerk specifically said the final judgment had been entered in RT's case (translation-- signed by the Court). In Texas there's usually a "prove-up hearing" in front of the judge (with or without the parties) and then the Judge signs the final decree.

You also need to tell your attorney that you want to be informed of EVERYTHING that happens in your case, especially if there are any hearings set or proposed orders submitted by him or WH's attorney.

Darn...just spoke to my attorney and hadn't logged in yet. I asked where we were, he said the only paperwork that has been filed was a recent thing that was required by the court...just a general outline of where things stood. I recieve a copy of that and it looks like nothing; it pretty much states the "the parties are working towards settlement." Which is, of course, not happening. We are in a "holding pattern" and that was okay with the "other attorney", too, according to mine.

My attorney is very clear that I want to postpone everything as long as possible, so I guess I can assume that he'd tell me if anything changes. He's a good guy.

So apparently no one is pushing this...

I will choose to take that as good news. Of course, tomorrow the hammer will probably fall and WH's attorney will want to schedule a conference.

That is good news. Yes you are correct that the length of time can vary. I know of divorces that have been going on for three years! It all depends on the parties and what they want.

I think it's telling that nothing much has changed as far as you (we) know between RT and WH. I suspect that she's livin' it up on x-hubby's support and won't press your WH until she realizes it ain't gonna last forever.

The OW in my case was wealthy (or her x-husband was) and she was getting something like $26,000 a MONTH in spousal support and she didn't even have custody of the kids. She lost them because she couldn't stay sober and was putting them in harm's way (i.e., bringing men to the same bed where her 6-yr old daughter was sleeping. Yuck!) She went NUTS... partying all the time, botox, etc. She was NOT interested in getting tied down any time soon.

mimi asked:
Sorry, I can't recall. I have no idea. I can't read him at all...I don't know WH...I only know H, so WH might as well be a stranger. WH and I NEVER discuss RT...except for my commentary about the letter. That's it. I wouldn't have even known that her XH filed, except for a few convos I had with XH in September and before.

I did drop off roses today...I'm up to five. His truck was there, but I just left them by the back door and knocked hard enough to make the dog bark, then hopped back in the car and left.

If my suspicions are correct, today should be RT's day off from her kids, so it's fix time again.

Kayla will be glad to know that DS11 asked about watching the Super Bowl with his dad! I didn't even have to plant the seed.

What was your WH's opinion of RT's XH when the four of you were friends?

Do you know anything about your H's expectations concerning the (not going to happen, hopefully) divorce? Does he want the house to be sold (I doubt it, doesn't seem the type) and you split equity? Or does he want you to refi and pay him his 'part' of the equity? Are you going for spousal support for a time?

hmmmmmmmmm. I see many, many issues that may take a long time to work out. No doubt RT thinks she's practically a member of the bar since she was married to one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Hopefully WH is taking her 'advice'.

Concerning the Superbowl. It's his weekend, right? Since you probably can't work out a way to get him to your house to watch it, can you at least have plans (SB party elsewhere) so that you won't be home for the dropoff until later than usual?

I don't know about "living it up." I don't think that she was getting a TON of support ($26,000!!! holy cow) beyond the mandated CS which is set by the state...which could be a lot for her with three kids, I don't know. Her XH told me in September that even though he's an attorney, he didn't do as well as many people would have thought. And the support is "rehabilitative" (I HATE that term), meaning that she gets it for a pre-determined period of time, long enough to get her feet under her financially, get re-certified to teach, etc.

Maybe WH is not pressing on our D because they know that it's really a moot point since they won't want to do anything until the period of her "rehabilitation" ends (which would be when the flames of he11 die down IMO). My recollection from XH in Sept. was that would be 18 mos-2 yrs. I don't believe they had settled on the duration when we last spoke.

Anyway...out of my control. I can only control me.

So...opinions on how this impacts my Plan A?