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Do you know anything about your H's expectations concerning the (not going to happen, hopefully) divorce? Does he want the house to be sold (I doubt it, doesn't seem the type) and you split equity? Or does he want you to refi and pay him his 'part' of the equity? Are you going for spousal support for a time? No on sale of the house...for the kids' sake. I have no idea how he wants to work that out financially. We have not discussed ANYTHING regarding how this would work out. The only thing we "agreed" on what how much he would deposit into the joint account...which is actually slightly less than what FOC would require, but he is paying those other bills. Whatever...it's really, really close and I do not want to make an issue out of it. I prefer to keep things as they are.... Yes, I would go for "rehabilitative" support also...but it is questionable as we would make the same...maybe I'd even make more...if I were full time. I don't quite know how it all works, and haven't asked. A big issue for me is health insurance...and care for the boys. I have to drive them to and from school, so working FT would be a hardship. But if I'm not FT, I don't get health insurance, plus I'm not making as much.... You see how complicated it is...which means it would require much long, drawn out negotiations....cha-ching.
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Just called WH to follow up on a VM I had left...I have a conference call at 4:00 (which I do from home) but with the boys acting the way they have been I was leery, and asked if he would take them for a while.
I could hear kid noises in the background, and could tell that WH was trying to shield the phone...to keep the noises out. So I'm guessing he was over at RT's with her kids there...
Maybe I was wrong about this being her day off.
He is coming by to pick them up during my conf. call.
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Question:
If your boys were to have play time with RT's kids, would they tell you about it?
Pep
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That's exactly what ran through my mind too Pep...
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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WH just dropped off the kids from his excursion while I was on the conf. call. When they arrived, I was still on, so apparently the boys convinced WH to come to the attic to play xbox or a board game. After I hung up, I ran up to the attic and heard the boys saying, "But you must miss Charlie?" (the 14-year-old cat) and WH said yes.
I was coming up the stairs at that time and said, "But the big question is, do you miss Mom?" and sort of skipped aross the attic to give him a big hug and kiss on the cheek. He was grimmacing. The boys were asking him to commit to coming for the Super Bowl and WH whispers to me, "Don't encourage it." and said good bye to the boys.
I followed him downstairs and by the back door, I thanked him again and told him how much the boys enjoy spending time with him.
WH: And please...enough with the roses. If you want to get them and bring them here, that's one thing.
LS: I thought we agreed that you would respect what I need to do.
WH: Well, why don't you do 5-4-3-2-1 and then we can get divorced?
(Ouch, ouch, ouch...dagger thru the heart)
LS: Because I don't do divorce. I only do marriage. (gee, where'd I get that one?)
WH kind of rolls his eyes and he stands there a moment looking at the house, then says bye.
LS: Love you! I'm sure the boys had fun.
WH: Bye (with that closed lipped smile)
That 5-4-3-2-1 comment is going to stick with me. (for those of you who missed it, the significance of the roses is that when we were dating, he gave me one, then two roses...I told him that when he got to a dozen, he had to ask me to marry him. He only made it to six, then proposed...with 57 roses...all those that he still "owed" me.)
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Oh LS...I would imagine that did feel like a dagger! But onward and upward!
And remember, if he was with RT when you called about watching the boys while you did your conference call, he was "high" when he made that yucky comment.
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Sis
YOU did GREAT
he's an A-hole to you when you make it impossible for him to feel like a hero for breaking up his family
do NOT stop ...
5-4-3-2-1 I don't DO divorce
Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 01/30/07 05:45 PM.
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Yeah. That 5-4-3-2-1 one really hurt. That's one of those "kicks in the face" that I have to sustain, right? It really did feel like a kick in the face.
I'm sure RT is telling WH that I am "using" the boys to get to him. Like DS11 asking WH to come watch the SuperBowl. I'm sure that he/she thinks I set that one up, when I didn't.
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she can go straight to heII
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WS Humor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Ouch.
That's one of those moments he's going to be regretting the rest of his life.
Don't we all have them?
When you foolishly, in your ego and desire to get the upper hand open pandoras box?
Regret..the gift that keeps on giving.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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WH: Well, why don't you do 5-4-3-2-1 and then we can get divorced? Ugh... did you feel the collective groan from all your MB supporters when we read this? Hmmmm, you delivered the rose today. He was with RT when you called. Had to leave her to pick up your children? Maybe had to stop by his parent's house while she was with him, and she saw the rose? You bad bad girl, you're just causing all kinds of havoc in RT's fairytale. Your response to him was perfect. He didn't have an answer for that one! Way to go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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(((Lil Sis)))
So sorry he made that comment Lil Sis. That was very hurtful coming from WH. I'm sure you know he's in the fog but it sure doesnt make it feel any better...it's still hurtful when I think about some of the things my ex-WH said.
As for RT, she's probably behind the "don't encourage it" remark in regards to SuperBowl Sunday...probably wants to make plans with WH...Did your boys ask you if they could invite WH? If so you could always tell him that they asked you if they could spend time with him on SuperBowl Sunday and that it would mean a lot to them to spend time with them on that day.
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She will trash you about stuff like that, but hey, she's been doing it all along.
Try not to think about the roses, except for how many he's going to owe you before you agree to take him back!!!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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Also, what # of roses were you at? If it were me, I would spread it out and give him 5 roses with your Plan B letter - he will drive himself nuts trying to figure out if you're counting up or down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Ooooh.
That IS a good idea.
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once ~Shakespeare
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This is NOT a BW CONTEST that any of us wants to win..
BUT my H SAID AND DID WORSE THINGS to me than that..
Remember that he has been with her TODAY...
She gave him grief over having to HELP you OUT...
He may be concerned that he won't get as much of the DRUG DOSE tonignt...
You are creating problems for him in getting his HIGH....
BE MORE CONCERNED IF THERE WAS INDIFFERENCE TO YOU....
The ANGER is aimed at getting you to BACK OFF...
I hate the MEMORIES that this is producing for me..but REALLY I've EXPERIENCED FAR, FAR WORSE...
And you CAN FORGET his comment, BTW..and you WILL...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Also, what # of roses were you at? I'm at 5. So I have 6, 7,8,9,10,11 and 12. I've been doing about one per week. When I peeked in the back door this afternoon, I could see the kitchen sink and it looked like he had the man-vase in there, because I could see two dead roses sticking up. I thought get to 12 and do PBL. That timing would be about right for the "new" PBL timeline of mid-March. Sort of like throwing down the gauntlet....? After all the build-up, I'm done...the ball's in his court.
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