Nuthin'. Did he have one?

(he MAY have, I've theorized, but I don't know...?)

Oh, and it depends on the addict thing.....

When HIGH, communication is NOT normal.

When not high, communication is normal.


You can make a parallel here...........

When WH shows up, communication impaired.
When H shows up, communication normal.

Make adjustments, and stir to taste. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


The difference being that the brain in the case of the WH is not chemically altered (well, yes it is, but there is NO WAY I am going there in this forum - I cannot do the neurotransmitter, etc. talk here at all, so FORGET IT period) to the degree that a crack addict's is, and the damage isn't the same.....but yeah, the parallel works pretty well for our purposes!

Didn't Lilsis' FIL have an A?

~ Marsh

Ohhhh, I thought you KNEW for sure.

~ Marsh

Morning all.

The boys finished the photo book last night. I'm in maybe 3-4 pictures, but as part of the scenery for the most part (i.e.; holding DS8 while he looked at his first birthday cake with a goofy grin, etc.). There are a set of pictures of a tree we planted in 1997...every October we would stand in front of the tree and take a picture to chronicle its growth...I'm in some of those as well, along with the boys.

Since WH will be picking the boys up from school, I am going to bring the book by this afternoon/evening...just drop by to give them the book to present to their dad, and to give them hugs and kisses for the weekend. I am going to wrap it for them, and will include a note from me about admiring him as a dad.

I will make it clear to WH at that point that I do not expect them for church...that I'm confident he can make that decision on his own on the Sundays that he has them. (I probably wouldn't go anyway...it supposed to blizzard tonight thru Sunday)

DS11 is really anticpating coming here to watch the Super Bowl with WH. He has asked me to make mini-pizzas, popcorn, and get some pop (don't know where he came up with this). I have warned him that I don't think dad will want to come here, but DS11 really wants this. Aside from that warning, I have neither encouraged or discouraged DS11. I am going to totally leave this up to WH to work out. Disappoint his son or stick to his guns? He'll have to make his choice and let the chips fall where they may. Gee...it's tough being an adulterer.

If he does not agree to watch the SB with the boys, I KNOW DS11 will be very hurt. Coupled with no response to the teacher letter and NO inquiry as to DS11's report card or standardized test scores....WH is going to experience a precipitous drop in DS11's esteem. I hope WH is prepared for that. I'm sure as shootin' not going to bail him out.

Is there a point of no return for a WH in terms of a relationship with their sons? mimi? Your boys were older.... Sounds like MEDC's son passed that point...


BTW...still 8 inches of snow on the driveway...with buckets more to come in the next couple of days....

Again...any concern with making WH feel "used" just to do stuff for me? I have left a couple of flirty TMs for him (Had a dream about you last night and you weren't wearing pants!) And last night I texted him a quick reminder of something funny that happened the weekend we met, on a ski trip. Stuff has been so "serious" and heavy between us lately that I want to make sure to keep some lightness in there, too.

feeling "used" and feeling "useful" ... are so close, aren't they?

but, in reality
H or WH makes a choice as to doing what you request, or not

how he feels about it is out of your control

you actually NEED him to do these things ... so might as well make the request

I am 100% CERTAIN RT is not amused by all the attention you, your sons, your home require ... c'est la vie

Pep

LS:

It sounds like it is going to be a REAL tough weekend.

WH will be out in the snow, because of the job, and RT and you and the boys want his Attention.

It's a weekend of choices. Some that will be VERY difficult for WH. And these choices will weigh heavy on WH, going forward forever.....

He's set up to be a HERO or a LOSER with the SB party, and it is HIS weekend with the boys...

He can use the snow blower on your driveway, or go to RT's and get LB'ed for spending time with you.

It's a delicious stew to have the WH in. Because that conflict is needed to force the real choices he needs to make.

And you are strenghening your hand every day with your actions. And H KNOWS this. And it is killing him.

You need to schedule up another meeting regarding the boys, especially if he misses the SB party. Actually, you need to find out when he might be home alone at IL's house. And go visit. Make it his turn to talk when you do this. You have your mantra, but you need him to start talking to you where he can feel safe, just like he THINKS he is with RT. He was SAFE with RT, but not any longer. And that is where you are winning....

And meetings after that can be at "our" house...

By the Way:
And why doesn't your HDTV Antenna work? Because your TV does not have the Over the Air HD Signal converter box. It's ready, but you need to buy the seperate box to do this. The ADS say the TV is HD ready, but the HD signal needs to be translated to be received as HD on your TV. Converters cost $200 to $400 at Best Buy or Circuit City. (What ever happened to Highland Appliance???) And you do not need a SPECIAL HDTV Antenna. Not for the Over the Air Broadcast signals. Your regular TV Antenna works. Review your TV Literature. It should state what you need to do. And you can tell WH what you need to get the HD signals on your TV. And then he has to do it for the SB..... Get it?

8 inches of Snow and a Blizzard coming? You know why I live in Maryland now.....

Darn...I wanted to post this earlier, but had to get on a conference call before I could finish...

I had an idea about the note that I am going to include with the photo book...

WH:
The boys were talking about how they thought you were lonely for them, so we came up with the idea of putting some pictures together for you. I got them this book and they filled it up. Looking through it after they were done, I thought about what a loving, caring father you have been all these years. Look at these pictures! The love that you share with our boys justs jumps out!

My admiration for your role as a father...what you bring to the lives of our boys...has grown exponentially over the past few months. This change in my perspective is just one of many changes that I have experienced. These changes are to the core of my being.

Another change is that I no longer decieve myself into thinking that I can change you or save you. Only you HAVE THE POWER to choose the path your life will take. I respect that. I also choose the path that I take, and I have chose to continue on the path you and I set out on almost 14 years ago. Thank you for respecting my choice as well.

Love always, me

Maybe this is WAAY too long. My thinking was that I was that perhaps I should make some reference to the I HAVE THE POWER remark...very obliquely...but he would get it. Show him that I have no interest in weilding power...he is free to make his choices.

Also...what about including somewhere...
I have told the boys again and again that I can only hope that they grow up to be like the man I married...kind, loving, honorable, and compassionate.

This could get long...and I don't want it to be...

Gotta go get rid of some of this snow. Apparently I'm on my own here...

Quick for LG:
...but it has a "built-in tuner"....???

Gotta go dig out...coming down hard...

Back later

I'd leave the 3rd paragraph for a future note/discussion

the first 2 paragraphs are neat-o

Pep

PS ... see if you can stick this in:

"LOOK at what a beautiful family we've made. Like a dream come true." ... possibly a little over the top ???????????????????

Hi Lis Sis, I can give you my take on this one. During our separation my youngest daughter was ANGRY with her dad... hated him... said she'd never speak to him again. She ended up getting pregnant (17) and he said he was done with HER... would never have anything to do with her again, much less her baby. That really hurt my heart and I saw it as a "point of no return".

Today, that baby girl (just turned 3) is the apple of her granddaddy's eye and the relationship between my daughter and FWH, completely restored, and closer than ever.

So yes, redemption is possible. At least it was in my case.

WH called...he's coming over after he picks up the boys to take care of the driveway. This was in response to a VM I left a short while ago asking if he was going to help me out since I am unable to get the blower started.

Spoke to MIL. Guess WH isn't coming in Feb. afterall (darn!). He has a training session that he can't miss. I guess he asked FIL about maybe coming in March. Nothing certain.

She also told me that FIL's take on this whole thing is that WH will NOT be able to take that last, final step of making a commitment to RT. WH is so conflicted and confused, and every step further down the slippery slope leads to greater consternation. For example, FIL will be talking to him on the phone, and out of the blue and out of context, WH will blurt out, "I'm fine!" (MIL says, "Methinks he doth protest too much...")

Fantasy and reality are colliding, and it ain't pretty.

And FIL is the pessimistic one...

Pep...personally, I love the beautiful family quote. It's very upbeat!

Thanks, meggy. It's good to know...and certainly things haven't gotten as bad as they did for your daughter...yet. Younger kids are more forgiving, I think, too. At least in the short term. Later, they may have residual animosity.

Snow is coming down hard. I am going to go to the bookstore while I can still get out, and to Bath and Body Works...so I have books to read and bubble bath to indulge in. Shopping with the best friend is probably out for tomorrow.

Liar! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LS;

Quick for LG:
...but it has a "built-in tuner"....???

But is the "built in tuner" for Over the Air or Satelite/Cable? Big difference. And you need the Over the Air Tuner.

LG, who refuses to pay for TV.....

LilSis - Threadjack - Can you check out Cnd's thread? Her husband is "just friends" with neighbor, and now he doesn't love her anymore.

LilSis:

I'm with Pep on this one too.



3rd Para takes away all the good feelings of the first two, and then casts the gift in a totally different light.

And Pep's close is very good. Light and non-judgemental, and positive.

LG

Agree with Pep and LG.

LilSis;

Do you understand the POWER of this paragraph?



If you ain't winning now, or at least making the matter/anti-matter collision ugly for WH, then I ain't a lousy golfer...

Remember the mantra:

HE can come home.

You can forgive.

He can make this family whole.

He has a place, and a place that CANNOT be filled by others....

BTW:
And have the soup, Hot Chocolate, Coffee, rum, whatever ready when he is done with the driveway, and some dry socks. Have the boys out helping if they get off the bus... Let his boots dry while he plays xbox with the boys...

Is that a Rockwell painting or what?

And yes, he will destroy it by going to RT's house some time this evening, if he in not taking the boys with him....

But we are going for the confusion......

I want to reiterate the IMPORTANCE of listening very carefully to LG and following his advice!!!