LG: For a guy who refuses to pay for TV, you sure know a lot about it. WTF??? The box says, "built in tuner," so I bought that, knowing it was a good thing. So now you are telling me there are two kinds of tuners? When did this happen? WH, my Mr. Technology who signs up for broadband, then VOIP the minute they are available, wouldn't he know? Whatever...I'll let him figure it out and "rescue" us from standard reception. The second antenna he bought is still sitting up there. BTW: The instruction book for the TV explains how to connect an antenna for OTA HD...???

For those NOT interested in my technology problems:

I told MIL that having WH out there would be a good thing...she agreed, so maybe she will encourage the March visit thru FIL. She is ready to give WH an earful. Seems that when WH calls, he speaks primarily to FIL. Probably tired of the disapproval that MIL lays on him. She's kindly enough, but doesn't let him get away with ANYTHING. The minute fogspeak comes out, she pounces.

When I told her about it, her comeback to the "Adultery? don't use that language!" remark was: "Shall I get you a dictionary?" in her very best 1st grade teacher voice.

And...

Wrote out the little note...first two paragraphs only, and added pep's beautiful family sentence. I tucked it behind the last page of the photo book to it is fairly inconspicuous...didn't want it to take away from the significance of the book itself. Wrapped it up, per the boys' instructions, and it awaits their visit afterschool. WH is picking them up and they are coming directly afterwards...spending the night at ILs. (I have new books and bubble bath. They did not have HNHN this time.)

You mean about the HD stuff, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

ah
good
your sense of humor has returned <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

That's what I thought Mimi was referencing....

Because this is me as well: "Mr. Technology" Three, count 'em 3! monitors on my desk!

Not yet on VOIP, we are so far out in the country, we don't even have CABLE!

Now, for real advice...

Order HNHN from the website. You get it faster and the Harley's get an extra nickel or two. And you will be pleased to discover that it was printed in your very own hometown!

And do not get discouraged by what you read in HNHN and/or SAA. If you knew about this stuff five years ago, you would have started to apply it. But, alas, we did not. We can, however, do it for the future....

Keep up the good work!

Well, of course not.... : <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I always skip reading those parts..makes me feel dumb...

I hope you know I meant..about visiting the INLAWS house and stuff...

BTW, have you guys heard about the ATTRACTIVENESS OF VANILLA SCENT to men?

I didn't believe it at first but I've tried it and it's a WINNER everytime..WEIRD...You know what I mean.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Referring to my VANILLA-scented body wash... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

hmmm..
my H brought home some vanilla scented massage oil a couple of years ago...it WAS a winner....worked for me, too.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

((( LilSis )))

Another lurker dropping by to give support. I have spent this week completely reading your story and I wanted to just send along my best wishes and a suggestion.

Right now -- take your hands away from your computer

raise both arms up as far as you can to the heavens

close your eyes and give your troubles to God

I promise that you should actually be able to feel your troubles leave your fingertips !!

Give it to God sweetie, as He is in charge and will help you and your sons out.


While reading this whole thread, the amount of love just keeps jumping off the screen. Of course, of course, of course - this A business is absolutely the worst of worst that can happen. But, LilSis - the amount of love that you have generated here is amazing.

Not sure if this has already been said, but can certainly be reapeated --

We all love you !!!


Sincerely, Carnation

...or Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body Works? That's my usual, but today I branched out and went with White Tea and Ginger. See? I'm stretching.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I noticed the publisher of the Harley's books! I'll just go ahead and order on-line as you suggested...I have seen it at the bookstore previously but not today.

Okay, Mr. Tech...PC or Mac? (and the fact that I'm asking gives my bias away)

Soooo...anyway. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming:

Yes, mimi...I liked LG's idea about visiting WH at the ILs. He is off next week on Weds/Thurs. I'll see how things go this weekend, but that would be the ideal time; kids at school. So this afternoon....

WH and the boys arrived after pick-up. WH brought the dog!! Oh, I was so happy to see her. She ran all over the backyard, leaping through the snow...which she doesn't get to do at ILs because their yard is not fenced.

DS11 and I made hot chocolate...the real kind with cocoa and vanilla and sugar. DS8 was outside helping his dad...VERY eager to give him the present. After they were through, DS8 and WH came in the back door and WH asks the boys if they have whatever they need and are ready to go. DS11 tells him we made hot chocolate!! (very excited!)
WH: No, that's okay.
DS11: But it's homemade!
WH closes his eyes as if counting slowly to ten. It is SUCH a hardship to have a cup of hot chocolate with your children and wife....requires the utmost patience.
WH: Okay, then we are going.
I pour four cups and we all stand around the kitchen drinking it. WH sees the "teacher note" posted on the fridge and reads it.
WH: That's nice. DS11, you are a good, good, good, good boy.
LS: I told him that I couldn't be more proud of him if he got all As, because this speaks to his character and who he is inside. (and give him a hug. he's all smiley)
DS8 begs WH to open the present. WH declines and says they will open it at home. I reassure DS8...maybe you can open it after dinner! We do a little chit chat about preparing for the big snow.

WH sits down at the table. I sit down on the floor so that the dog can come see me. She sits down, plunk, right in my lap (remember, she a sheperd/lab mutt, not some accessory dog like RT's) I'm petting her and scratching her and talking sweetly to her. I love that dog. She and I used to go for long, long walks.
LS: Hey, maybe you can leave the dog here for the weekend to keep me company?
WH: No. She's coming home. (yes, SB, he said home)
DS11: Why, dad? Let's leave her here with mom.
WH: No.
DS11: You go for WEEKS without seeing us, can't you go two days without seeing the dog? (OUCH on WH!)
WH closes his eyes again to count to ten. "I don't go weeks."
LS: I'd like it if you left her here...at least to protect me (I act pretend scared, kind of laughing)
WH: No. Let's go. Come on, doggie.
WH goes down by the back door and puts the leash on the dog, picks up his mail and tells the boys to get whatever clothes they need from here. DS11 pushes it one more time, AGAIN saying that WH goes weeks without seeing them but won't part with the dog for a couple of days. Wow. I'm sort of standing there looking at the ceiling, at the wall, picking the dog hair off my sweater...WH walks out.

I go upstairs with DS11 to get sweatshirts, etc. When we come back down, WH is already sitting in the truck waiting to leave, so I put my boots on to go out while the boys get coats, hats etc on. I hand him the bag of clothes.
WH: Don't do that.
LS: What are you talking about?
WH: Don't encourage them to do things that aren't going to happen.
LS: Like what?
WH: Like the super bowl and leaving the dog.
LS: The super bowl was something that DS11 came up with on his own. They are boys and they want to watch a football game with their dad. Why is that a big surprise?
WH: They don't even like football and they know nothing about it. (COME ON...how stupid does he think I am? He SOOO has plans with RT that he doesn't want interrupted)
LS: I didn't encourage or discourage DS11 with regard to the super bowl. That was something he came up with totally on his own. I guess he just thought it would be fun. You will have to deal with that one on your own; I'm out of it. And as far as the dog goes, I didn't encourage or discourage him that either. I just asked if she could stay; no big deal.
WH is counting to 10 eyes closed again.

I hop up on the running boards and reach in through the window to give him a kiss on the cheek, and thank him for taking care of the driveway for me. When I hop down, DS11 is coming out and gives me a hug. I say ILY, looking directly at WH and wiggling my eyebrows at him as I say it. DS11 thought I was saying it to him and says, "ILY, too, Mom."

I smile and give DS11 a kiss. WH jumps all over DS11's remark...as soon as DS11 was in the car he whispers to me, harshly, "Focus on HIM, would you?" Again, the absurdity. I laughed and smiled. "I focus on him 24/7, WH." DS8 hops in the car and I give him a kiss, tell them all to have a good time, and wave good-bye. Before they pull out, I see WH sitting there again, eyes closed, counting to 10.

Sensing some anger today. Pi$$y, actually. Hmmm...I guess it really stinks, doesn't it, that I don't make things nice and easy for him. That I allow him to actually feel the consequences of disappointing his boys. That I "force" him into choosing between disappointing them or pi$$ing off RT. That I show him that the dog still loves me. That I still need him to do the "heavy lifting" of blowing the driveway at his own house. That I have to demonstrate my love and compassion for him. That I have to show him that there is forgiveness in my heart. How rude of me to rub these awful things in his face.

I loved daze's remark in yesterday's post...I'm not going to hand my H over to that b!tch on a silver platter.

My sense of humor has returned...and so has my fight.

(Actually, I think the anticipation of having a weekend TO MYSELF is making me giddy.)

or Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body Works?

OMG!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I had this very same scent on in Oct.'05 when my WH came home after his first EA/PA (false recovery). He asked me what that perfume was that I was wearing. I told him Warm Vanilla Sugar. I asked why he asked ( thinking OW wore it or something). His response...I just don't like the smell of it. YEOUCH!! These were the first words out of his mouth to me after leaving me for OW! Later that evening I told him how much that hurt my feelings; the very first thing that he had to say being sooooo negative and hurtful/harmful.

I still wear it, and I just sprayed it in my bedroom. I love the stuff. He actually said, prior to his A, that he liked the smell of 'that stuff'. Go figure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Wow!!!

That was GREAT...er...I mean rude...it was so rude of you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL

That interaction was PRICELESS!

You are an amazing woman!

~ Marsh

This is just wonderful! She must be giving him SO much trouble! And yes, he definitely has some plans with her for I'm fine the Superbowl.

Do you see how well this is working? The more of an impact you are making, the I'm fine more it begins to affect his mind. You can see that he's beginning to fray around the I'm fine edges. All is not well in AffairI'mfineland. (Expect him to get nuttier.)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LilSis:

More HD Info:



You Betcha!



He needs to feel that pain!



Your Mantra!



Well, its rude of you to phrase it that way, (LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) but just the same, conflict, conflict, conflict.


Getting back to the rest of the afternoon,

It was difficult interaction of me to read. RT must have had plans for him this afternoon and him doing the driveway blew that up. Or she just LB'ed him... "Why haven't you done mine? FIFI can't walk in all that!" However, it took the wrong turn in regards to the dog, the dog could have been a valuable ally. But you won't see it at the house again till he moves back now.

And his terminology of the IL's as "home"? Ouch! But he was leaving with the boys.... Schoolbus, where are you?

He could have also just had a bad day at work, as well. Sometimes thats all it is... Send him a sweet TM. Thanking him again, and you didn't realize about the dog. You didn't expect that!

But the contrast? Huge. And that is good!


It at least started out Norman Rockwell.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


And this:



MrsLG uses White Tea and Ginger, and when she really wants to rock, Shalimar perfume, which is slightly vanilla... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I have to go, DW just called, has a nice Columbia Crest Merlot for us tonight, and "The devil wears Prada" on DVD Buit I couldn't go without catching up on your thread...


AND it's a PC! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sis,

He's territorial about the dog. It is the only part of "home" he has with him. He wants the dog with him - it was a power play. He wanted to draw YOU into it, and instead got DS11. I don't know that he was ready for that turn!

I love that your son said what he said. Those words, in true "man form", were as direct and hard-hitting as any 45 year old man's words could have been. DS11 defended you here - and stood up to his dad. And did not back down, but said it again. In man-world, lots of guts, that boy! Like I said, your sons would say what they needed to say in their own way.

Trust me, WH showed up today, and DS11 got a point through to him. WH's denial shows DS11 hit the bull's eye. Conflict shows through here, and you didn't even have to do anything yourself. WH is suffering his own consequences.

I think something's going on in turd-land. WH isn't happy lately, and you haven't done anything but be sweet. You are just so mean!

Don't you dare stop it!

SB

Well, you better stock up. The salesgirl told me it will be discontinued in June. The selection today was limited....too bad. I really like that one. Very fresh.

Ohhh...THAT makes sense! His reaction seemed SO disproportionate to the request: NO. Very firm, very immediate. I was a little confused by it, frankly. Wondering, where did THAT come from? She's my dog, too, and you left her here initially...what's the big deal?

Regarding the dog, I don't think it took a "wrong" turn, as LG called it. I think it took an "unexpected" turn. It couldn't be construed as an LB by me...I was just requesting, and when it turned ugly, I tried to lighten it up and allow both WH and DS11 to save face ("leave the dog here to protect me"). Once again, WH's choice (to say no to my request), had a consequence. His refusal was unreasonable, especially to DS11, and DS11 called him on it.

It must be frustating to be a 37 year old COP, who is used to having people comply without question, to be out-smarted by an 11 year old....who points out the illogic of your decisions.

Yeah...my little DS11...what a guy! He is very protective of me, and sensitive to my feelings (not that it prevents him from driving me nuts arguing with his brother....). Maybe he really thought I WOULD be lonely or scared...and it worried him. I'll have to explain to him that I really am okay when I'm alone, that I just asked about the dog because I haven't seen her in such a long time and thought it would be fun.

Yes, it would have been nice to see H this afternoon. But I can't help thinking that there's something going on beneath the soil. Blowing off DS11's teacher note, not asking about the report card, not responding to my snow-blower request, not changing my wiper fluid (I told him it was low)...he is deliberately being inaccessible, even to the boys. That can't feel good. H has to be rebelling at that.

I just have a feeling...RT's claws are sinking in deeper, and maybe hurting just a teeny tiny bit?? And he's got to take that out on somebody, doesn't he....

I bought him a book today...which I will give to him maybe on Sunday. He read it aloud to me when we were dating. I'm up to six roses for next week's delivery. I'm texting him everyday with something...a memory, a joke, something about the car, a naughty dream I had, how beautiful the morning sun is... I'll probably need him to snow blow me out again after it finally lets up on Sunday.

Chip, chip, chip at the ice around H....

*********

LG: A PC? Awww...come on. Live a little. But wait, you ARE a Republican..... (I bet MrsLG likes Macs. Good taste, that woman)

I think I just fell in love ....

... with an 11 year old ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

what a KID!!!!

Pep the Mac

"It must be frustating to be a 37 year old COP, who is used to having people comply without question"

LOL! That is funny Lilsis! I would have loved it if people did that...didn't happen much where I worked! I would still be on the job if that happened.

I have a question... it might have been answered earlier in the thread... if it is both of your dog, why did the dog leave with him?

Keep up the good work.

MEDC

And BRAVO for your son!!!!! That was great!!!!!!!
I would make sure to tell him that you are so proud of him for speaking up.

Great kid!

Yeah, well, I'm speaking more metaphorically, I guess. "Without question" might have been taking it a little too far. But there is that element of authority, no? Uniform, gun = power. At any rate, probably not accustomed to fielding perfectly aimed zingers from 11 year-olds.

She didn't. He left her here along with everything but his clothes. Early in the fall, when it was rainy and icky out for about a week and the dog was tracking mud in the house and refusing to come inside when I was trying to get the kids off to school and me off to work at a particular time...I just had it. So I piled the dog in the car and dropped her off--unannounced--on ILs back porch. She's been there ever since. Not that I don't love her, it's just that I was carrying the full load: kids, house, yard, dog, cats...and WH was batching it at his parents without a care in the world. Something had to give.

Hi Sis ~ I wonder if your H's offers of help around the house have been challenged/spun by RT.

My husband's OW used to argue with him about helping me. She would tell him that he needed to help me transition into our divorced relationship - that he should NOT give me a dime more than her Ex paid her for child support, and that it was a cruel thing to help his poor wife (me!) around the house, wouldn't want me to have false expectations....and besides, she assured him...she was just FINE without help from HER ex, so why shouldn't I be?

And there was the catch...I needed and admired him for his help, while she was busy proving to him that SHE wasn't using him and wasn't weak and pathetic like his wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MB is like the secret code book to how husband's tick. She sounds manipulative and sneaky (as was my husband's) but in the end, evil is not very smart.

Oh...I'm SURE that is EXACTLY how she is spinning it. It sounds just like her, especially the "I'm fine, so why shouldn't LilSis be fine, too?" gag.

I'm afraid I probably didn't score many admiration points today...I just sort of did the cursory thank you so much blah blah. Didn't pour it on extra thick. I did text him: "Thank you for blowing. I no longer feel like I live on Hoth" Star Wars fans will know the reference. RT is NOT a Star Wars fan.