Just thought I'd share for you southern gals and guys... (my other northern friends please ignore as this is par for the course)

We are under a blizzard warning today until 10 p.m. Probably got 6 inches over night and it is coming down so hard right now it looks like fog. The temp outside is 6 degrees and the wind chill is -11. It is going to get worse throughout the day. Powdery snow and sustained winds of 20-30 mph and gusts to 40 mph. Nice, eh?

Actually, it's BEAUTIFUL. Both literally and figuratively. WH HAS THE BOYS!!! And he'll be stuck inside that cold drafty house ALL WEEKEND LONG. The wind chills are going to be so bad that it can be dangerous to be outside for any period of time, so no sledding or other outdoor fun. Sweet revenge.

Ah....the joys of single parenthood. Enjoy, WH.

As for me, I'm content to snuggle up with one of the books I got yesterday, watch cheesy movies on TV, eat food that the kids don't like, and maybe give myself a pedicure. Delightful. Total peace and quiet.

Texted WH:
Back on Hoth again...look out! There's a wampa!!

Again...Star Wars reference. Sorry, everyone. I know it's geeky, but WH and I--and now the boys--love the Star Wars movies (except for that one when Darth Vader was a kid...)

WH has got to crack a little smile over that one.

Sounds Beautiful.
enjoy it.
actually i am a little jelous. we moved from Massachusetts last year and I REALLY miss looking out the windows at my beautiful snow and tall pine trees.

sorry your H was such a [censored] yesterday...especially about the dog. I pictured him sitting there in his truck...counting to ten.....and I wanted to jump in and strangle him again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

i guess the pretty picture of you and pooch playing in the snow was too much for him to handle.

you handled yourself well...i don't know how you manage to stay so calm when he is so cold. hope you have a wonderful week-end.

oh, LG..
thanks for mentioning shalimar....took me back.
I got a bottle of shalimar and the softest white cashmire( sp?)cowlneck (remember them?)sweater for christmas when I was 14...i can still smell the shalimar on the neck of that sweater.

AN 11 MINUTE CONVO...INTENSE.

I was wondering how long before WH would call once stir crazy set in and he broke down to ask to come over and get the xbox. He called, but it wasn't about that...

LS: How's it going over there stuck in the house like you are?
WH: Okay.
LS: What's up?
WH: (sounding serious, but businesslike) I finally got a copy of the support order in the mail from the court. I just want to know if you want to go through Friend of the Court (FOC) or if I can just direct deposit it into your account. What do you want?
LS: I don't want to do any of this.
WH: Well, seeing that it is, which do you want?
LS: (again) I don't want to do any of this.
WH: (after a pause) Well, I need to know what to do.
(From here on out, WH is speaking rather softly, quietly, not the cold, businesslike tone if you know what I mean.)

LS: (stalling, as my mind is spinning, but knowing full well the answer) What do you mean? What is the difference?
WH: Well, if we go through FOC then it gets pulled out of my paycheck. If I direct deposit it, I can just do it myself.
LS: What's the advantage of one over the other?
WH: I would prefer it if I can just direct deposit the support into your account because then we are not getting the government involved in our business.
LS: Well, you've ALREADY involved the government in our business by filing for divorce, and "that other thing."
WH gives a soft sigh and there is a LOOONG pause.

LS: (very slowing and clearly) I don't want to do any of this. Come home. Let's go to counseling. Let's work this out. It will be very, very hard, but we can do it.
LOOONG pause.
WH: (quietly) So can I just do the direct deposit thing?
LS: I don't know anything about FOC. I don't WANT to know anything about FOC. I have no intention of LEARNING about FOC. (pause) I TRUST you to do the right thing. (slowly) From the bottom of my soul, I know you will do the right thing.
LOOONG pause.
WH: Okay, then I will do the direct deposit and we won't do FOC. I will write you a check for the difference for December and January.
LS: I'm actually fine doing things the way we've been doing them. The only reason that support order was filed was to protect me and the kids. But I trust you.
WH: I understand.
Brief pause.
LS: I don't do divorce. (pause) You know that I have not put pen to paper on ANYTHING in regard to this...except for our marriage license.
LOONG pause.
LS: (trying to lighten it) ....just so it's duly noted for the record. (smile)

At this point, there was silence for about two minutes. I'm not kidding. I thought maybe we were disconnected. I refused to say anything more. I wanted him to have the next word. I was mentally patting myself on the back for being the Queen of Patience. Another growth. Old LS would have been blah-blah-blahing....not letting anything sink in.

WH: (very quietly) Okay. I'll talk to you later.
LS: Okay, be careful if you do anything out there today.
WH: Okay.
LS: c-ly-b.
WH: bye.

WHAT DO YOU THINK???? Feedback needed! I used up my allotment of patience today, so please hurry!!!

BTW...my phone shows how long the calls are...I don't actually time them.

he's being nagged
not by you

I can practically SEE ratturds boot mark on his [censored] !

Pep

I bet'cha his most recent convo with ratturd was not nearly so soft and calm

maintain course
the adultress has lost her rudder!!!!!

Pep

this

[color:"blue"] I TRUST you to do the right thing [/color]

was a 1 million unit love bank deposit

because right now

ratturd cannot say the same thing

repeat frequently & stir

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Pep

PS

H is very sad

gently comment on his sadness during the next encounter where he is softspoken

"I can feel your sadness.... I'm here for you"

something like that

Pep

Sis
H cries in the shower when he is alone

one day he'll admit this to you

Pep

This is a very good sign, IMO. He is in a state of CONFLICT inside, as reflected by his anger. One of the ways the infidels justify their affair is to demonize the BS. When the BS refuses to act like a demon, it throws a monkey wrench in the works and does not provide the much needed DIVERSION! OUCH! He can no longer be diverted from his guilty conscience and you are making him very, very uncomfortable! Keep up da good work, LS! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh yeah, she's pushing him. He's a passive guy, right? Passive guys don't push for D's w/o someone pushing them.

You did GREAT again.

"I trust you to do the right thing." was perfect.

Try "I believe in you." some time too.

There's no way your H is happy.

He thinks he can't turn back from what he's started w/ RT. So it was great that you told him to come home, that you can work things out.

Keep telling him that.

He figures he owes it to RT to go through w/ your D b/c she has hers now. He promised her he would...

Remind him of his promises to you.

~ Marsh

Absolutely beautiful!

I especially liked it when you deflected his "lets not involve the courts in our business..."
OMG -- What a perfect response! Put the blame for that back in his court without any LB of any kind!

I agree...she's pushing him and he is having a very difficult time w/ it.
it's a shame that you will have to deal w/ his moods....but, try to remember all is NOT well in A-land.

i loved the part where you said.....come home.....we'll go to counseling...we can work this out..etc.....he'll be thinking about that all week-end. good job.

LilSis:

I WAS POSTING THIS < AND WAS INTERRUPTTED > Darn this work thing!

And then your 11 minute convo post came in... I will respond with: OMG!!!

So here goes, more on the 11 minutes in a minute...
Maybe all I have today...

Love the Star Wars references, my 14yo is a huge fan!

I wanted to expand on the Dog:

Regarding the dog, I don't think it took a "wrong" turn, as LG called it. I think it took an "unexpected" turn. It couldn't be construed as an LB by me...I was just requesting, and when it turned ugly, I tried to lighten it up and allow both WH and DS11 to save face ("leave the dog here to protect me"). Once again, WH's choice (to say no to my request), had a consequence. His refusal was unreasonable, especially to DS11, and DS11 called him on it.

Note at the beginning of your description. (BTW, if you are not a writer IRL, then you are missing your calling!) WH brought the DOG!

This was the H bringing the dog over to spend some time at "home" while he cleaned off the driveway. This may not have been in the forefront of his mind, but it was in there. Your 11 YO Son spoke truth to WH in regards to the dog. (Darn those choices!) BUT, you made the request to have the dog stay. You were going to take away the only friend he has right now. That's why the territorialty (sp?) reared its head (thank you schoolbus!). I am not second guessing you here, you are on the ground facing the alien monster. The dog could have been an ally for you. But it turned into a huge LB from the WH POV. WH p!$$y dial was at 8 when he arrived, and the dog conversation just moved it to 10. I'm not defending him, just pointing out what he was thinking... So be careful about the dog going forward. WH will be quite touchy about it. If you haven't said anything about it ti him yet, either in TM or Email, or VM, send a little note saying that it took you by surprise that the dog was back, and you were missing the dog. And the opportunity to spend time with her again sounded like a good idea. (replace H's name with the dog's name and read it back, he'll get it..)

And things are not good in RT land. Her claws need to go in now. Because she is flying away and her prey is not firmly in her claws, and she KNOWS it.

On a lighter note, thanks for the heads up on the White Tea and Ginger, Bath and Body Works always seems to cancel the stuff Mrs LG really likes. And The Body Shop no longer carries the Unscented Body massage oil I perferred for Mrs LG.... But they still have the Peppermint Foot Lotion...


And Mrs LG is in the PC world as well, consequence of her position in the Library world...

LilSis:

About the 11 Minute conversation:

Make some heaping pots of soup and get your Size Zero over to that house!

That is my initial reaction.

You just peeled off, on the fly, one of the most stunning, heartfelt displays for a WS that I have ever seen on this site. And I tend to read from the beginning of the thread before I ever get to posting.

I AM IN AWE!!!

The last two days, you and the boys have been putting down ground fire that is destroying the underpinnnigs of all the reasons he can ever come up with for having an A. And staying out of the house. And turning his back on his family. The things he thinks are true about himself. And the effect all this is really having.

And RT just stands there and tells him to "Move his Blooming [censored]" so that they can go on to a new life....

A life he really, deep down, doesn't want.

You didn't make it difficult to pay you child support. You made it His choice.

You made it perfectly clear that you will not be the bad guy here.

I am still in AWE.

Really I am.

Pep, Mel, Nia and others see this and understand. If Marsh and I know about the crying in shower part. I was crying at my wifes feet with the peppermint foot lotion on Dday......

Be prepared for this thing to start moving quickly. You may be very surprised to find how quickly H is asking to come home.

AND WE ALL KNOW WHO HAS THE POWER!

The FORCE is WITH YOU!

LilSis:

It all turned right here:

WH: (after a pause) Well, I need to know what to do.


He screwed up all his courage to call you about the support order, and you did not react as expected.

He became softer. And then you told him what you wanted to do and what he could do. To repair all of this.

HE KNOWS he has to face RT. And HE KNOWS that you have his back. And that is what he NEEDS to know to remove all the claws.

One painful claw at a time.



BTW: The Police Dept probably will be getting a copy of the support order. It may come out of his paycheck anyway.

But, it may never get to that.....

Whew! Okay, thanks everyone. I thought it went well, too...but as always, I need that validation from my ardent supporters.

Maybe it was a little easier over the phone because then I'm not disheartened by his expressions. It's easier to think it went well when I'm not seeing the closed eyes/count to 10 thing, when I can't see that he's antsy, when he won't meet my eyes.

Honestly, I don't know where some of that stuff came from. Or the peace I felt when talking (although I did bite my tongue at the government intervention thing...please...how could he not be slapped in the face with the irony of his own statement...I could have gone OFF on that one). I guess reading, reading, reading your collective suggestions and phrases and key points to emphasize just all came flooding back at just the right time.

I owe the success of today's interaction to you all!

LG: Thanks for clarifying what you meant about the dog thing. I didn't understand what you meant when you called it an LB. Honestly, I had NO IDEA that he would react so strongly to my asking to have her stay. Understanding the "significance" of the dog (dog=home=security) makes it all clear.

Really, my request was perfectly innocent. If I had known that it would elicit such a reaction, clearly I would not have asked, nor pushed it. I didn't think of it in terms of an LB...but I see how he could have interpreted it as such. Oh well, I didn't intend it to be...so I just have to be content with that and be aware of it in the future.

I'm up to a size 1 now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Darn... I actually have soup made, but as we are in the midst of a blizzard and experiencing frequent white-out conditions, I'm staying put for the time being. I don't even know if the Vibe can make it out of the driveway. The plows aren't even out yet. Why bother plowing when it's coming down and blowing faster than it can be removed?

PS
the Bath & Body Works scent that drives Mr Pep crazy ~~~> [color:"purple"] Sensual Amber[/color]

LilSis -

Call a helicopter to take you and the boys to the airport, and then fly directly out here to Southern California, where it is sunny and warm.

My sons can teach yours to surf, while you and I lounge on the beach drinking margaritas.

Then we can go to Disneyland and Universal Studios, and dance on the table nights in Tijuana.

Airport's closed.