Oh, Cr*p, so much for that fantasy.

I was thinking you could tell WH that you and boys were going to visit a friend in California.

Warm? Sunny? ...just a distant memory... So what does your schedule look like...say...late March? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

DS11 called about a half hour ago from WH's cell. The three of them were out in the Suburban (which has no trouble getting around) and stopped by the park where we feed the ducks. DS11 had to tell me that ALL the ducks were all huddled together under the bridge keeping each other warm. They were on their way to the farm store to buy some cracked corn to feed the ducks and to Burger King to feed themselves.

I told DS11 to tell dad that I had a big thing of soup here if they wanted to stop by and bring it home with them for dinner. Maybe while they were here they could take the xbox back with them as well so that they all have something to do.

I got something in the mail from FOC today, too. Ugh. I'm glad I had a little forwarning, actually....if WH and I had not had that conversation this morning I would have felt defeated by this in the mail: WH vs. LS, case #12345678.

The letter says that I have 10 days to return some card to request the services of FOC. Again, I am not doing anything. I don't do divorce and I won't sign anything that has to do with the destruction of my family. The court has made its order so the boys and I ARE protected if things go really south; however, I am putting my faith in WH support us. Further, I trust that eventually, he will do what is right.

Maybe that sounds naive, but I'm sticking with it. I have protected myself and the boys, but that's the extent of what I am prepared to do.

So today's letter is just going to be stuck up in the cabinet where I keep all the ugly stuff that comes in the mail...and there's been plenty of that in the last four months.

Onward with my solitary, relaxing weekend. Chocolate, anyone?

I agree 100%!!

He doesn't want this.

At some point tell him you know he doesn't.

~ Marsh

Lilis,
I love reading this thread, even though its full of your pain but your such an amazing woman. So maybe you should rethink the FOC... Direct Deposit is his control, you piss him off he decides to run away he cuts you off - You give him control.

FOC is slap in the face, its You taking control, you owe him and Big brother comes to collect. This is still not doing divorce this is your protection, he can't one month decide to give you half of what he owes becaseu RT needs a boob job, it comes directly out of his pay as a court judgement, he nor his employer can change that.

To me its humiliating, but its not you humiliating him its the FOC... so I would rethink this, get the government all in your business its his decision.

I would also suggest having the FOC come by and interview both of you to see how the children are doing, get them busy in his life, this is not you doing it its the FOC.

I am glad your focusing on the WH not the RT, she is evil and you shouldn't waste your time batteling her. battle the WH for your H back.

She sounds so much like a drama queen, I think you should start planning an awesome Plan B - Here is my thoughts and I would like the experts to think about this too... RT likes your drama, she feeds off, it enables her to keep WH off balance, she can through your name out whenever she see's pressure on her. Your husband - like me and most men - are simpletons, we don't read the tea leafs and understand the emotional tug of war that goes on between women, let alonw women and men. So he is a pawn in all of this, he is lost and wonders the hall of emotional conflict... He eventually will have to man up and decide.

You are doing the all the right things but there comes a time when this becomes too much like a game, you are becoming very skilled at this and eventually it wont sting anymore, but by then you will also have lost your love for your WH.... So Plan B takes you out of the loop, it leaves WH and RT to deal with each other, this is where I think your situation needs to go, eventaully. Maybe soon maybe not, I don't see you WH able to see RT for what she is, until all there is her.

Stay warm

did you say chocolate?

i wish i could come over w/ a bottle of wine and admire your snow and keep you company on this cold, wintry day.

keep in mind what LG said...you have the power now...
The force is with YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

oh, and i meant to mention.....you have great little boys.
i just love the fact that your son called from WH's cel to tell you about the ducks!
can't you just picture him mentioning mom every few monutes......children are so much smarter than adults give them credit for.

LilSis:

In your defense:



You never, ever, know where the landmines are.

As I said, I am not second guessing, and I did not have the time to elaborate yesterday. You are battling Darth Vader and the Emperor is in the background, and you do not even have the courtesy of a light saber.

But you have the FORCE.

AND that is all you need.

Let us know what happens when he picks up the soup.

BTW: Most of these issues are easier when you use the phone.

LG

Are you kidding?? I have five at my disposal. Two green, a purple, and a blue, and a double-bladed red one.

My kids are hard-core.

No bites on the soup, so I called WH's cell.
LS: It's something out there, isn't it?
WH: Yeah, lots of snow.
LS: Were you guys interested in the soup?
WH: No, but thanks.
LS: Okay....are you guys staying warm over there?
WH: Yeah. We're okay.
LS: I bet you are glad your dad had that new insultation put in.
WH: Yeah, it helps.
LS: What are you going to have for dinner?
WH: I don't know yet. Thanks for the offer of the soup, though.
LS: Are you all stocked up, milk and stuff?
WH: Yep, we're all set.
LS: Have anything planned for tonight?
WH: We are going to listen to the Praire Home Companion on the radio, it's a joke episode. (FIL and MIL listen to this program every Saturday night, so the boys are sort of familiar with it)
LS: Maybe I will, too. (sorrowfully) It's kinda lonely over here.
WH: Yeah, all snowed in like that.
LS: Well....okay...will you give the boys a hug for me?
WH: I will.
LS: Okay....thanks. Have a good night.
WH: Thanks. Bye.
LS: c-ly-b.

Okay, it's been about 24 hours and I'm already tired of the whole solitary existence thing. I'm lonesome for my family and it makes me sad to think of the three of them all there together, and I'm not invited.

But these jokes are pretty funny...might require a text.

what is on schedule for tomorrow?

Boys staying with Dad ALL DAY?????

including stupid bowl game?

Pep

We haven't talked about what time they will be returning...and the only "discussion" about the bowl game was WH's little hissy fit yesterday about how the boys don't know anything about football. I'm not bringing it up. He's on his own.

I expect that he will keep the boys until at least 5 or 6 as per usual...assuming he's going to let them down with regard to the game.

don't be home

make your own plans

Is SuperBowl on or off?

It's tricky. Typically, on a Sunday when WH has the boys, he would bring them home at 5 or 6 so that there is ample time to wind down, take bath/shower, get backpacks in order, etc. for the school week ahead.

The SuperBowl doesn't begin until later...either 7 or 8. So either way, the boys would only be able to watch until halftime before they need to go to bed.

So I can't really make plans and be gone because technically it is my time to have the boys...see what I mean? And the boys need to get to bed at a decent time...

time zone differences slipped my mind

sorry... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pep <~~~ on the left coast

Hi, another lurker here. I haven't had much to add, but have been silently cheering from the sidelines. You rock!

Something occurred to me today:

When my son was 12, we were in the middle of a move. H had started a new job, and I was packing things up to move. When I had enough boxes packed to make a good pile, I'd holler, "Hey, brute! I need some boxes stacked up!" DS would always (always!) drop what he was doing and stack my boxes for me. Ditto when I needed big pieces of furniture moved around. He was a great help (and I'm sure it didn't hurt that I told him so - it's not only GROWN men who have EN for admiration).

Boys that age are nearing puberty, starting to feel the first stirrings of increased testosterone levels. They undergo personality changes, and can become insufferable monsters if the excess energy isn't channeled appropriately. Giving them real responsibility is a great way to do that. Your son is already stepping up to be your knight in armor: standing up to his father on your behalf, checking to make sure you don't feel abandoned when you're left home by yourself.

LS, is your DS11 strong enough to start the snowblower? Maybe he could start it and take turns with you, getting the driveway (and sidewalk?) cleared. As you approach Plan B, you'll need to make some kind of arrangements for taking care of these chores, and having DS11 lend a hand sounds like a win-win. Hopefully, WH will be willing to teach him how to use the equipment. Even if you never get as far as Plan B (I've got my fingers crossed for you!), it will still be good for DS11 (maybe DS8, too) to start doing some of the heavier lifting around the home.

Just a thought ...

Morning LilSis,

so, how much snow did you get?
is it over yet?

Morning nia. For those of you who are not interested in weather, please move along.

Nia, you would love the view from my window right now! So I'll describe it...you mentioned the snow on the pine trees...yesterday was so windy that the snow was blowing off the pine trees in big chunks and whipping around every which way, which was beautiful in its own right. Today, the wind has died down some and everything is picture postcard beautiful. I love it right after the snow falls, before all the grungy dirty stuff starts to accumulate. Light snow is blowing through and it is sooo quiet (remember how quiet it is when the snow is deep and falling?). Everything is muffled, as if a big white down comforter is covering the whole world. The only sound is someone's snow blower off in the distance. It is bitter cold...3 above, wind chill 12 below.

The tally: 11.5 inches officially yesterday (as of midnight, and it is still snowing, but not as hard). Add that to 4 inches on Thursday, 3 inches on Friday, and we had a little on the ground prior to the beginning of this "event."

We are still under a Winter Storm Warning, and everything is pretty much closed down. Most churches did not hold services this morning...the police are asking everyone to restrict travel.

If you have never experienced a lake effect snow, it is something. Huge dark clouds unloading buckets of snow one second, then bright blue sky and sunshine the next, still with the snow whipping through, then the sun is obliterated again a second later as the moisture-rich clouds drop the evaporated lake water inland, in the form of snow, of course.

Anyway...my fascination with weather is revealed. I do love Michigan. Those who associate Michigan with Detroit and auto factories...have no idea.

I have a WH-related question that I will post separately so those who are bored with my diversion can tune back in... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Regarding the SuperBowl.

It turns out that kick-off is 6:30 here, so that's not so bad. The boys could easily watch until half-time without being crabby tomorrow. (Okay, they will be crabby anyway, but not due to lack of sleep)

This is my theory on why DS11 wanted to watch the SB with dad. WH is correct: the boys are not into football per se and don't know anything about the teams or really even care. BUT, DS11 KNOWS that the SB *IS* important to WH. DS11 KNOWS that WH will be watching, AND that this is the "big game" of the year. DS11 himself does not really care about the game, but HE WANTS TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH HIS DAD BECAUSE IT IS SIGNIFICANT TO HIS DAD. It's a male-bonding thing.

Of course, none of this is at an "awareness" level for DS11...he just knows he wants to watch it with his dad. But to me, it's quite obvious...DS11 wants to share an "experience" with his dad...an experience that fathers and sons all over the country will be sharing. Watching with ME would be meaningless, no matter how many pizza rolls I threw in the oven or how enthusiastic I got about the game. It is something a son wants to do with his dad.

I still have no idea what WH is thinking about the game. As I see it, WH has three options:
1. Watch the game with the boys over here, in the attic.
2. Watch the game with the boys at ILs.
3. Do not watch the game with the boys (read: watch it with RT)

So, my question...

IF WH (a big if) raises the issue with me again...wanting me to give him an "out," or complains to me about watching with them...do I:
A: Tell him that I trust him and know that he will do the right thing.
B: Ask him if he'd like to know my opinion as to why DS11 is asking to watch the game with him (to which I would answer the above, nicely and more succinctly, of course)
C: Just tell him flat out why I believe that DS11 is making such a big deal of this.

I'd guess A would be the way to go...but opinions are welcome.

(Of course, if I go with A, and WH decides to bail on the boys, HE will have to do the explaining.)

Thoughts?

The PLAN A answer is OPTION A...

I vote for B.....but, I am no perfect plan A-er...so, hopefully others will chime in w/ advice soon.
I like the idea that it gives you an opportunity to have another conversation and interact with WH.

alos...H seems so cluless right now about what the boys are feeling...perhaps your explanation would open his eyes a little.

A just seems to vague for me...true, it puts the ball in his court and forces him to explain his choices to the boys...which is good.....but,for some reason it doesn't sit well w/ me.


your snow sounds absolutely beautiful....thank you for that "picture".

sort of depends on who asks the question H or WH, now doesn't it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I trust LilSis to KNOW what to do when (if) the need arrises

Pep