Threadjack - LG - Please don't let those others run you off. We hardly have any FWS's posting here and we NEED you. It takes a lot of courage to stay and help. Please consider it.

boooo on him.
I was hoping he would at least make it to half time.

Lilsis -- are your boys into any sports? My youngest plays 3 sports and those events/practices/games/coaching opportunities are HUGE bonding times for him and his dad.

What are your boys into?

Your WS would have just made a huge withdrawal in my lovebank if he were mine. No way is someone going to hurt my son to go spend time with some OW sons.

I would make some snacks and watch the SB in the den. My son's dad never was around and I learned early to pick up the slack. Every SB for years, I've made snacks and decorated the room. At first it was just us three, but as years went by it has turned into a big party every year.

And I HATE football.

OT....Believer:

I bet you didn't know how much I LIKE YOU..you seem to be such a neat person...that I would love to get to know in REAL LIFE... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Arrrgh....damn him. DAMN HIM. I am crying right now.

He came in with the boys. Unloaded their stuff and handed me a check.

LS: What's this?
WH: It's the difference between what I deposited in your account in December and January and what the court ordered.
LS: I don't want this.
WH: I don't have a choice.
LS: You do have a choice.
WH: Just take it.
LS: I don't want it! I don't want your blood money. (I know, huge LB! I was so hurt. That's just what it felt like! He's buying off his wife and kids so he can go be with that thing.)
WH: It's not blood money.
LS: It is too. You are buying us off.
WH: You have to take it. What do I do, go tell the court that you wouldn't take the money?
LS: I don't want it. (quieter this time)
I reach up to give him a hug around the neck, and he one-arms me, other hand is on the door knob. (even I can read that language, SB) I whisper into his neck again, "I don't want it."

The boys came down by the back door at that point to show WH something on the camera, so I went up into the kitchen to catch my breath and decide what to say. When the boys were done, I went down by the back door before he could leave.

I held the check out to him.
LS: (slowly) I trust you. I believe in you.
WH: What? Just deposit the check. If you don't I'll deposit it for you. Use it for a new hot water heater. Use it to pay for DS11's Washington trip (a school thing). Use it to pay the fines (I assume he meant the court costs). He wasn't hostile...just like he didn't want to hear any of this.
LS: (very quietly, because that REALLY, REALLY hurt) I believe in you.
WH: Okay, bye.

I just watched him walk away. He left me there holding the check. So he can go off and celebrate the superbowl with that evil, evil woman.

Remind me again, what do I believe in? Please someone, because the screen is blurry through the tears.

Plus...in the bag with their clothes was the Avon bubble bath that I had wrapped so cutely and left by the door the other day.

Just to twist the knife a bit.

Llsis:

Hang it on the fridge. Let him take it down when he comes home.


Good luck.

LG

Reality crashes in. Hon, he's spending every day and every night with that evil, evil woman, and I think you sometimes forget that - in the sense that your Plan A activities allow you to close your eyes to it.

I've been worried about this before, in my earlier posts to you.

Please do not do this for too long. You'll end up hating him and not wanting him back. We've seen this happen here before - it's sometimes said that the BS often becomes a bigger threat to the marriage than the WS.

Please keep Plan B at the ready. Don't wait until he's tortured you to death before you go to it. And theories about alien abduction notwithstanding, he is still an adult with a brain of his own. He's doing this by choice. Rat Turd can't control him or make him do things any more than you can.

Please don't ever forget that.
Mulan

Five weeks. I've got to go five more weeks. Prove it to him, prove it to myself. I know where you are coming from...I really see it...and I know that you have my best interests at heart. But I KNOW it would be over if I went to Plan B now. So either way...if I go to Plan B now...or if I end up hating him...it's over.

The ONE chance I have is to keep going and hope that I don't end up hating him. I've got to know that I gave it everything I had.

Do you understand my dilemma?

I do. You are in a tough place... but you are better than all of this. I think you can do these next 5 weeks Lilsis... and frankly, I don't see this going so long. I think your WH will be miserable at that party tonight. Lilsis... I feel that your H will soon begin to realize what he is doing but that right now he just feels torn about his committment (gag) to her. I just don't see this going much longer.

Hang in there.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I'M STILL AN HONORABLE MAN GAME..just like my FWH...

Alien rationalization: It's OK for me to ABANDON my FAMILY and spend this evening with the OW because I'm FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING THEM....I'm still a man, the PROVIDER....YUCK...

And yes...she is telling him the affair is OK since he is doing this....

A SLENDER THREAD that he is trying to hang onto....

The check symbolizes his SHAME about what he is doing...

This thought will help you during PLAN B...

(((LilSis)))
What a bummer of an end to this weekend. So sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Just wondering what has become of the idea of making it WH's responsibility to take boys to church when he has them on a Sunday morning - did you ever have that conversation with him? Did they go this morning?

I get the sense that he's been avoiding church because it really hits him where it hurts to have to face it. Am I remembering this right - weren't you discussing church w/him on the phone one time when you could tell he got really emotional and was crying?

I have been following your thread religiously (no pun intended) and I am really hoping that things work out for you.

Take care...

If that's the case then I hope he spends his evening with the image of me holding the check trying to give it back to him, telling him I don't want it because I believe in him.

It's up on the fridge, LG. I'm not depositing it no way no how. I'll know how serious he is if he stops paying the bills that are auto-paid out of his AMEX.

(((Lil SiS)))

Watch the game with your boys and try to make the best out of the evening. Have a party for just the 3 of you, pop some popcorn and have the mini pizza's. I'm sure your boys would love that. You are the only parent to put their needs first right now and they will always cherish you for that.

Thanks, ff. I meant to mention this, so thank you for the reminder.

I did decide that I was no longer going to take the boys to church on WH's weekends, but today wasn't an issue because of the weather; I would not have ventured out anyway, and I think the service was cancelled anyway due to the snow.

Sooo...I did not have a conversation about it with WH, but I did tell the boys that I would not be taking them away from their dad to go to church anymore. Again, I would not EXPECT him to take the boys...I would leave that choice up to him.

Interestingly, WH has been to church a couple of times...both when I was at my mom's out of town. The last time she saw him there, SIL said that WH was kind of joking around...she is disgusted by him anyway...but she thought he was so inappropriate...that him even being there, unrepentant..was inappropriate.

The phone conversation you are thinking of (good memory!) was on our anniversary. He had the boys, and I called to ask about taking them, and asked if he would like to join us, that would really mean a lot to me. There was the LOOOONG pause, and I could hear him gasping a few times...tears? not knowing what to say? Finally he said, "I can't."

And I left it at that.

The recent conversation, the check -- all of it are because of the increased pressure she is putting on him.
Because she is now divorced, and she expects him to live up to his end of the bargain.

He is going to get nastier, because he is trying to reject all of your Plan A efforts. Because he has made promises to her.

He has to be able to tell her about progress he's made ingetting the divorce done. He's telling her "I talked to Lilsis about the settlement" (ha...somewhat truthful).
"I had to stop by with a check" (to make it seem like things are moving along....)

He's NOT telling her about the roses. He's not telling her about your texts. He's NOT telling her about your hugs and kisses.

He's feeding her peanuts to keep her happy. Because if she's not happy - hmmmmm LB'ing time. What do you suppose she would do if she though he wasn't pursuing the divorce full steam? She would withdraw, she'd make him jealous, she'd make him suffer.

He knows he let his boys down tonight. And he is NOT enjoying himself. He is not able to get as "high" as he thought he could. Because he knows what he did.

Have your boys call him. With every score, on every break.

And again -- what are your boys into?
They need more father-son activities. Help them.

And schedule all of your community service in the next few weeks -- on days and times he would normally be with her.

HAVE YOUR BOYS CALL HIM...TO THE POINT OF IRRITATION.

I experienced this on the other side.
I disappointed my kids on an event -- they called me every 20 minutes. I couldn't enjoy the event -- because I had to be on alert for calls from my kids. OM was pissed, because I kept disappearing to talk to them on the phone. I resented him for being irritated with my kids. I was angry at him for keeping me away from my kids.

Your boys are trying to Plan A him too -- they would do anything to bring him back. They just don't have all the knowledge you do....

I agree w/ MEDC.
I believe he and others truly understand the turmoil and confusion your WH is feeling at this time...and that you will come out THE winner........I just HATE that you have to endure so much pain getting there!

my thoughts and prayers are w/ you tonight.
keep warm.

as a woman and a mother THIS makes perfect sense to me.
My children call ME and complain over their father ALL the time.

i am curious what WH's/fathers feel in this situation.......do they feel the same attachment, responsibility and guilt that a mother feels??